Or at least I hope it does!! So if you have been following my blog you know that Sara has some GI issues and that from time to time it flares up. Well it is that time again! Yay!! (please read "Yay" in a soft, faux excited voice while raising your arms in mock triumph)...there is nothing joyful about it.
As luck would have it, I hit the sh*tpot!! I guess a truly lucky person would win the lottery on their days off. They win the jackpot. My luck is such that these "cleanouts" ALWAYS happen on my days off. Not Chuck's...hence the sh*tpot!! That my friends is my prize to claim.
So this is about the 3rd flare up in only a few months time. I know the drill by now but it never gets easier. So I batten down the hatches and get ready to deal with the crap...both literally and figuratively. I know better than trying to venture out into society so I get to stay home for 48 hours straight. My version of hell on earth. So I start pumping Sarita with her meds and wait...and wait...and wait...in the meantime she fells like crap (pun intended) so she takes it out on me, Anna on occasion, but mostly me. I can handle it..I ignore all the insults (you are the worst mommy ever, you don't let us do anything fun, you are boring, you have a pimple under your nose), I fill the tub. I empty the tub. I bleach out the tub. 5 times on Wednesday alone. I lost count how many times in total. I even cleaned poop off the bathroom wall...don't ask!!!
As if this weren't enough Anna decides to get in on the action. I think in the grand scheme of things she felt left out so the bugger starts having accidents of her own. Isn't it usually the older child that regresses? Nope, not here...the 2 year old decides to join in. So now I am cleaning up poop AND pee accidents. At least Sara is taking care of business in the bathroom. Anna pees where ever she happens to be...on the carpet, in her room, under the table. It is like I have a flippin puppy. How one child can have that much urine inside of her is the 8th Wonder of the World. I ran out of undies for them. I had to have gone through 27 pairs that day. I would not give in. Anna was NOT going back in diapers. I was going to outlast her. Perseverance paid off for me (or she became dehydrated and had no pee left) because she finally stayed dry for a 2 hour span. Later she comes to me and tells me that there was something in her pants. Sure enough, I could see something underneath her pant leg. I think it is a little Squinkie toy and reach up and pull it out. IT WAS POOP!!! How did she not know she had poop floating around in her pant leg? Then she has the audacity to yell at me and tell me I am gross for touching poop!! Are you Serious? She is the uncivilized one who craps herself and she has the gall to call me out...I wanted to throw my hands up, get in my car and clear my head. But, unfortunately I could not...not because they are minors and legally I am obligated to provide supervision...not because Sara was sick, taking medication and needed to be monitored for adverse reactions...and not because I could not in good conscience ask someone to babysit them knowing full well the sh*t show they would encounter...no my friends, there is a much darker reason...
We had a big bottle of prune juice in the fridge. Sara's doctor recommended it last time she was having issues. He said it was a gentle way of getting things done. Sara took one look of the color and refused to even try it. I refuse to waste food. It is one of my biggest pet peeves. I was also
desperate. It was the day before grocery shopping and I was out of my
Crystal light. I am not a water drinker. Too boring. So I poured myself a large glass (about 16 ounces) of the prune juice. It was really good. Later that afternoon I was thirsty again. I had another 16 ounce glass of it...
Gentle my ass!!!
Upon further research turns out prune juice should only be taken in moderation. 4 ounces TOPS!! I had 32 ounces in less than an 8 hour span. Needless to say I was in no condition to leave the house that afternoon either...It was a crappy 2 days off...again, pun intended.
Friday, September 28, 2012
Friday, September 21, 2012
All in a day's words...
These are actual things my children have said in the 24 hour span that was yesterday...
* Sara: Hey mom, you have something on your butt.
Me: Really, what is it? Maybe it is just dust from the door?
Sara: Nope, I don't know what it is. I saw it there this morning when we were waiting at school.
Me: Why didn't you tell me?
Sara: I didn't want to embarrass you in front of everyone.
Thanks Sara, I waited in the school yard for drop off AND pick up with something on my a$$. In between that I went to Market Basket for many, many more people to see. Thanks for looking out for me Sara.
So Anna and I were at Market Basket...as you all know that always lends itself to a blog post. Yesterday was no exception...
Anna is a very funny kid. I could just sit and listen to her for hours. She is however, almost always unintentionally inappropriate. Yesterday she did not disappoint.
*While in the cereal aisle I told her she could pick a box she liked. She said she wanted "fruit balls" (Trix). I said sure. Then she went on and on expounding on the merits of "balls". "I love fruity balls...they are delicious". "I like chocolate balls (Cocoa Puffs) too". "Balls are yummy"!! Now like you may have figured out by now...I have the sense of humor of a 12 year old boy and that to me was comic genius.
*Again, another Market Basket gem...we got to walk past the diaper aisle!!! Anna is doing great with potty training, she only needs a diaper at night. I told her I was so happy that I didn't need to buy any diapers. She agreed and added "diapers make my butt and muh-gina (vagina) hot and stinky...I don't like diapers!! I don't like having a hot muh-gina"...of course this she says as loud as can be in the cracker/chip aisle...one of the higher traffic aisles in the store...so I was not the only one that got to share in her words of wisdom.
And lastly, this was right before bedtime...Anna was asleep, Chuck was exercising and I was helping Sara finish up in the bathroom. She says, "hey mom, remember when daddy broke the toilet seat?" I tell her yes, I remember. She asks if it was because he has a fat bum (for the record he doesn't). I said no, it was an old toilet seat and sometimes when you sit on them the wrong way they can crack. She says to me totally serious and with a very thoughtful look, "it is kind of weird that you didn't break it since you are fatter than daddy"...Again, for the record that is NOT true!!! If any of you know Sara in real life you can understand why I could not debate the issue with her...it would set her off and cause a round of grunting, screaming and pouting. I decided to just go on with my night, but, I did pass on an after dinner snack....
Can only imagine what today's conversations will bring.
* Sara: Hey mom, you have something on your butt.
Me: Really, what is it? Maybe it is just dust from the door?
Sara: Nope, I don't know what it is. I saw it there this morning when we were waiting at school.
Me: Why didn't you tell me?
Sara: I didn't want to embarrass you in front of everyone.
Thanks Sara, I waited in the school yard for drop off AND pick up with something on my a$$. In between that I went to Market Basket for many, many more people to see. Thanks for looking out for me Sara.
So Anna and I were at Market Basket...as you all know that always lends itself to a blog post. Yesterday was no exception...
Anna is a very funny kid. I could just sit and listen to her for hours. She is however, almost always unintentionally inappropriate. Yesterday she did not disappoint.
*While in the cereal aisle I told her she could pick a box she liked. She said she wanted "fruit balls" (Trix). I said sure. Then she went on and on expounding on the merits of "balls". "I love fruity balls...they are delicious". "I like chocolate balls (Cocoa Puffs) too". "Balls are yummy"!! Now like you may have figured out by now...I have the sense of humor of a 12 year old boy and that to me was comic genius.
*Again, another Market Basket gem...we got to walk past the diaper aisle!!! Anna is doing great with potty training, she only needs a diaper at night. I told her I was so happy that I didn't need to buy any diapers. She agreed and added "diapers make my butt and muh-gina (vagina) hot and stinky...I don't like diapers!! I don't like having a hot muh-gina"...of course this she says as loud as can be in the cracker/chip aisle...one of the higher traffic aisles in the store...so I was not the only one that got to share in her words of wisdom.
And lastly, this was right before bedtime...Anna was asleep, Chuck was exercising and I was helping Sara finish up in the bathroom. She says, "hey mom, remember when daddy broke the toilet seat?" I tell her yes, I remember. She asks if it was because he has a fat bum (for the record he doesn't). I said no, it was an old toilet seat and sometimes when you sit on them the wrong way they can crack. She says to me totally serious and with a very thoughtful look, "it is kind of weird that you didn't break it since you are fatter than daddy"...Again, for the record that is NOT true!!! If any of you know Sara in real life you can understand why I could not debate the issue with her...it would set her off and cause a round of grunting, screaming and pouting. I decided to just go on with my night, but, I did pass on an after dinner snack....
Can only imagine what today's conversations will bring.
Monday, September 17, 2012
Payback is a...sporty smelling men's deoderant
Sorry for the long delay in a new post. I have been busy with everything and nothing. Anyway I have been pretty sleep deprived lately...no new reason, just more of the same...kids waking up to pee, skunks spraying at 3 a.m., cats that are out to ruin my life and just general insomnia. So I have been cranky. I know you are all thinking, not Erin! She is so easy going....I can hear Chuck laughing at work right now. But, yes my friends it is true...I have been less than pleasant lately. If you don't believe me just as the poor schleps that work at the phone company...they have been experiencing my wrath daily for a week now. There are a couple of examples that really stand out, I am sure my betrothed can site many more examples but I will share two.
Example #1. I am a mother. Therefore, I have nothing nice anymore and nothing that is my own. I never buy anything for myself, everything is for the girls. I actually bought some new eye shadow lately. Nothing crazy, nothing expensive. Just $8 age defying eye shadow that was specifically for "tired eyes". I went for it. I had to look good for Madonna. When I got home I got all my old make-up together and gave it to the girls. They have their own kid stuff but they really think it is a treat to use mine. They were in their glory and quite frankly looking like two circus clowns. I had the new shadow for less than 24 hours when I went to get ready for the first PTA meeting of the new school year. I had dinner with the fam, took a shower, got dressed, dried my hair and even put it in velcro rollers. I was going to make a good impression this year. I grabbed my new eye shadow to put on the finishing touches. I opened it up and found it shattered!! SHATTERED!! I was overcome with such rage. I yanked out the rollers and threw them in their box, was yelling and carrying on about how I have nothing that is sacred. Thank God it was still hot out and the air conditioners were on and the windows were closed, if not the neighbors would have certainly called McClean's looking to see if they had a bed for me. For those of you not from around here McLean's is the local psychiatric hospital. Chuck was mumbling something about a mental patient. Yes, I was talking to myself and yes, I way over reacted to a small infraction by a 2 and 4 year old but I was so mad. So mad in fact that I did not go to the PTA meeting that night. I was afraid that I could not complete a sentence with including an f-bomb. Not the impression I was hoping to make...The next day I did go out and buy ALL new makeup and I hid it so the girls don't even get a glimpse of it the theory being that what they don't know about they can't ruin.
Example #2. This past Thursday I had a busy day. Nothing out of the ordinary, brought Sara too and from school, cleaned the house, made breakfast, lunch and dinner, waited for the phone guy and played with the kids. Just a typical weekday. Well, since it was Thursday it was grocery shopping night. My plan was to go as soon as Chuck got home. He got home and made some comment, nothing terrible and if I had at least one good night's sleep in the past 5 years I probably would have let it roll off my shoulders. BUT, since the previous night I only slept from 4:30 a.m. until 5:11 a.m. I was not in a forgiving mood. I said that's it. I am not going shopping, I am going in my room and I am done for the night. So I made myself a pizza, grabbed a soda and off I went to sulk. Well, the grocery shopping was never done that night. To prove some ridiculous point I told Chuck if he wanted the shopping done he would need to do it himself. Little did I know this tantrum would come back to bite me. He did do the shopping after work on Friday. He came home with 2 minutes to spare before I had to leave for work. But one very important thing was on the grocery list. MY deodorant. So in the course of getting ready I realized that I had forgotten that one important detail. I scrambled but there was nothing left in mine. I had to go to work, I can't go smelly (it is a fragrance free environment and any of you that know me in the real world know that if it is over 55 degrees out I sweat, not perspire, not glow, but SWEAT!! I would stink and that is probably, technically breaking the fragrance free rule). There was no way I could go without or try to substitute with powder...I had to bite the bullet and use Chuck's sporty smelling deodorant. So now, not only was I still pissed over the original "non" incident but for the next 5 hours at work all I could smell was Chuck's Speed Stick in Irish Spring scent.
Lessons leaned; Give up on the dream of having anything nice as long as my children are still preschoolers and NEVER try to prove a point when personal hygiene items are on the line.
* This blog was brought to you by Mennen...
Example #1. I am a mother. Therefore, I have nothing nice anymore and nothing that is my own. I never buy anything for myself, everything is for the girls. I actually bought some new eye shadow lately. Nothing crazy, nothing expensive. Just $8 age defying eye shadow that was specifically for "tired eyes". I went for it. I had to look good for Madonna. When I got home I got all my old make-up together and gave it to the girls. They have their own kid stuff but they really think it is a treat to use mine. They were in their glory and quite frankly looking like two circus clowns. I had the new shadow for less than 24 hours when I went to get ready for the first PTA meeting of the new school year. I had dinner with the fam, took a shower, got dressed, dried my hair and even put it in velcro rollers. I was going to make a good impression this year. I grabbed my new eye shadow to put on the finishing touches. I opened it up and found it shattered!! SHATTERED!! I was overcome with such rage. I yanked out the rollers and threw them in their box, was yelling and carrying on about how I have nothing that is sacred. Thank God it was still hot out and the air conditioners were on and the windows were closed, if not the neighbors would have certainly called McClean's looking to see if they had a bed for me. For those of you not from around here McLean's is the local psychiatric hospital. Chuck was mumbling something about a mental patient. Yes, I was talking to myself and yes, I way over reacted to a small infraction by a 2 and 4 year old but I was so mad. So mad in fact that I did not go to the PTA meeting that night. I was afraid that I could not complete a sentence with including an f-bomb. Not the impression I was hoping to make...The next day I did go out and buy ALL new makeup and I hid it so the girls don't even get a glimpse of it the theory being that what they don't know about they can't ruin.
Example #2. This past Thursday I had a busy day. Nothing out of the ordinary, brought Sara too and from school, cleaned the house, made breakfast, lunch and dinner, waited for the phone guy and played with the kids. Just a typical weekday. Well, since it was Thursday it was grocery shopping night. My plan was to go as soon as Chuck got home. He got home and made some comment, nothing terrible and if I had at least one good night's sleep in the past 5 years I probably would have let it roll off my shoulders. BUT, since the previous night I only slept from 4:30 a.m. until 5:11 a.m. I was not in a forgiving mood. I said that's it. I am not going shopping, I am going in my room and I am done for the night. So I made myself a pizza, grabbed a soda and off I went to sulk. Well, the grocery shopping was never done that night. To prove some ridiculous point I told Chuck if he wanted the shopping done he would need to do it himself. Little did I know this tantrum would come back to bite me. He did do the shopping after work on Friday. He came home with 2 minutes to spare before I had to leave for work. But one very important thing was on the grocery list. MY deodorant. So in the course of getting ready I realized that I had forgotten that one important detail. I scrambled but there was nothing left in mine. I had to go to work, I can't go smelly (it is a fragrance free environment and any of you that know me in the real world know that if it is over 55 degrees out I sweat, not perspire, not glow, but SWEAT!! I would stink and that is probably, technically breaking the fragrance free rule). There was no way I could go without or try to substitute with powder...I had to bite the bullet and use Chuck's sporty smelling deodorant. So now, not only was I still pissed over the original "non" incident but for the next 5 hours at work all I could smell was Chuck's Speed Stick in Irish Spring scent.
Lessons leaned; Give up on the dream of having anything nice as long as my children are still preschoolers and NEVER try to prove a point when personal hygiene items are on the line.
* This blog was brought to you by Mennen...
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
I am a mom (insert an emoticon with a squiggly line for a mouth)
I would insert it myself if I knew how. I am a mom! I AM a mom! I am A mom! I am a MOM! No matter how I say it or what word I emphasize I am a mom. I have been for almost 5 years now. Intellectually I know that but there are those surreal "oh my God" moments when it hits me...I am a mom. I have had a few of those this past week.
My friend hosted a Back to School Bash the other day. There were a couple of other mom's there and we were talking about the teachers our kids have this year, lunchbox ideas and the upcoming PTA meeting. Those are all grown-up things. I know that I am old enough to be the mom of two children...truth be told I was considered "advanced maternal age" when I had my kids. I was a bit nervous they were going to have me deliver on the geriatric ward of the hospital...instead of a hospital drawer full of the awesome mesh undies it would be filled with tissues and hard candy. But, discussing their education really made me feel like a grown up...a mom!! Filling out the emergency contact cards, packing the lunch box and shopping for Sara's "perfect" first day of school dress really made it hit home...I am not just babysitting these kids. They are mine. Forever. I am responsible for their physical and emotional well being, for shaping them into productive, contributing members of society. I know this on an intellectual level but sometimes it just hits me. I am their mother.
You need further evidence I am a mom? I (we...Chuck and I) made the ultimate sacrifice the other day when we took the kids out for dinner. Neither one of us felt like making dinner...just too lazy so we decide to go out. Of all the restaurants in the Central MA/Metro West area the girls pick Bugaboo Creek. I am a vegetarian...I am the only vegetarian that does not like salad...go figure! Bugaboo Creek is my version of restaurant hell...dead animals on the wall, mediocre food and no options for me (other than a baked potato). BUT, the girls really, really wanted to go there. So I made the ultimate sacrifice...taking my rare opportunity of not having to cook for the family and enjoying a meal prepared for me and squandering it away on a dry baked potato so the girls could have their moment in the sun. The sign of a true parent, the willingness to forgo your own happiness (and a decent meal) for that of your children. Though I think Chuck made much more of a sacrifice that night. He ate some coconut shrimp that may or may not have been rancid. He spent the night in the bathroom puking up his own Bugaboo Creek.
Last night really sealed the deal for me feeling like a mom. My sister gave me some tickets to see Madonna in concert. I have 2 little kids. I don't go out often. I jumped at the chance!! "Back in the Day" I would have spent the day picking out the perfect outfit, meeting up for dinner and drinks before the show and then heading to see the Material Girl. Instead, it was Sara's first day of Preschool 2, I was in full on potty training mode with Anna, I cleaned the house and had a home cooked dinner with my family before heading in town. Nothing screams MOM more than borrowing your 4 1/2 year old's red nail polish when getting ready to go see Madonna!!
Coming soon... How my life is better than Maddona's...
My friend hosted a Back to School Bash the other day. There were a couple of other mom's there and we were talking about the teachers our kids have this year, lunchbox ideas and the upcoming PTA meeting. Those are all grown-up things. I know that I am old enough to be the mom of two children...truth be told I was considered "advanced maternal age" when I had my kids. I was a bit nervous they were going to have me deliver on the geriatric ward of the hospital...instead of a hospital drawer full of the awesome mesh undies it would be filled with tissues and hard candy. But, discussing their education really made me feel like a grown up...a mom!! Filling out the emergency contact cards, packing the lunch box and shopping for Sara's "perfect" first day of school dress really made it hit home...I am not just babysitting these kids. They are mine. Forever. I am responsible for their physical and emotional well being, for shaping them into productive, contributing members of society. I know this on an intellectual level but sometimes it just hits me. I am their mother.
You need further evidence I am a mom? I (we...Chuck and I) made the ultimate sacrifice the other day when we took the kids out for dinner. Neither one of us felt like making dinner...just too lazy so we decide to go out. Of all the restaurants in the Central MA/Metro West area the girls pick Bugaboo Creek. I am a vegetarian...I am the only vegetarian that does not like salad...go figure! Bugaboo Creek is my version of restaurant hell...dead animals on the wall, mediocre food and no options for me (other than a baked potato). BUT, the girls really, really wanted to go there. So I made the ultimate sacrifice...taking my rare opportunity of not having to cook for the family and enjoying a meal prepared for me and squandering it away on a dry baked potato so the girls could have their moment in the sun. The sign of a true parent, the willingness to forgo your own happiness (and a decent meal) for that of your children. Though I think Chuck made much more of a sacrifice that night. He ate some coconut shrimp that may or may not have been rancid. He spent the night in the bathroom puking up his own Bugaboo Creek.
Last night really sealed the deal for me feeling like a mom. My sister gave me some tickets to see Madonna in concert. I have 2 little kids. I don't go out often. I jumped at the chance!! "Back in the Day" I would have spent the day picking out the perfect outfit, meeting up for dinner and drinks before the show and then heading to see the Material Girl. Instead, it was Sara's first day of Preschool 2, I was in full on potty training mode with Anna, I cleaned the house and had a home cooked dinner with my family before heading in town. Nothing screams MOM more than borrowing your 4 1/2 year old's red nail polish when getting ready to go see Madonna!!
Coming soon... How my life is better than Maddona's...
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
We the People...
We the people, in order to form a more perfect family, establish
Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defense,
promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to
ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution
for our family.
So we held a family meeting the other day. It has been about a year since the last time we convened. The last time was a bit of a disaster...Anna sat straight faced, all the while farting through the entire meeting. Sara was so upset by Anna's lack of civility that she added "No farting during family meetings" to our list of family rules. We have the picture to prove it. Fast forward a year and our latest family meeting. The meeting was Sara's suggestion. As I was putting her to bed she told me that she didn't think it was fair that Chuck and I get to make all the rules and they have to follow them. So I thought for a minute and I realized that she was right. It was a bit of a dictatorship within our home. I told her that we could all sit down in the morning and have a family meeting to come up with some solutions that would make everyone happy. I told her to think about it over night and get back to me in the a.m. Off to sleep she went...and boy could I see the wheels turning in her head as she drifted off...
Just to set the stage, Sara's discontent with the rules came from an incident that happened earlier that day. I made the girls a nice, well rounded, fun and nutritious lunch. Surprise, surprise...they didn't eat it. I am so sick of wasting food. That is one of the things that bothers me to no end. There are so many hungry children in this world and I have kids that waste food without a thought. I know that is a huge global life lesson and is beyond their developmental level of understanding. However, I dug my heels in and took a stand. I asked 3 times if they were sure that they were done..all 3 times they rolled their eyes and said yes. So I had them clear their plates and they went off to play. Not 2 minutes later they came in and asked for a snack. I told them that if their bellies were too full for lunch then they were too full for a snack. They protested. I reminded them that I asked 3 times if they were done and reminded them that they very clearly told me they were. I then told them that they would have to wait until dinner...no snacks. That was going to be 3.5 hours. Not a huge gap of time, but enough time for them to feel hungry. I wanted to teach them a life lesson. Keep in mind these 2 are grazers. They would snack all day long if they could. A while back we had to implement a snack ticket system to keep their snacking at bay. They are allotted a pre-set number of snacks for the day. They then need to "buy" their snack with a snack ticket (a raffle ticket). This is in an effort to teach them about pacing themselves, delayed gratification, the value of "money" and healthy eating habits.
So, they did not like my plan at first. They whined and carried on but then they got involved with an activity and forgot all about it. I did allow them to have drinks...I am not a total jerk...and they did each have a yogurt smoothie which could be counted as a snack on a technicality....About 25 minutes before dinner they caught me in my room eating some almonds. In all fairness to me I DID eat my lunch so I could have a snack. Well, that pissed them off to no end. Chuck comes in and Anna (2 years old) rats me out telling her daddy that "mommy won't give us any food...we couldn't eat anything for hours"...OK, so that was the truth but she kind of left out a huge piece of the story. I filled him in on what was going on, made him promise not to cave the last 15 minutes while dinner was cooking and off I went to Market Basket. He held up his end of the bargain and guess what? They ate their entire dinner. Life lesson learned? Check? This will come back to bite me in the ass the next day.
Back to the family meeting...So we all gather round the kitchen table. Sara wants me to get everyone up to speed as to why she wants the meeting. Then I ask her what rules she opposes. She does not like the fact that Chuck and I tell them when they go to bed. They think they should get to decide. I thought about it and I decided that they should be able to decide when they go to bed. "OK girls, you are right, you can decide when you are ready for bed. You can pick anytime to go to bed in between Seven-four-five and eight-one-five" (7:45-8:15). That is democracy parenting style...allow them to get YOUR way, all the while thinking they are getting THEIR way. They agreed to that new ruling. For the record that was their pre-existing bedtime. Sara was drunk with power by now. So she then tells us she thinks that they should get a snack with lunch (and then very quickly added and with breakfast and dinner too!). So again, I let them get "their" way and said that if they ate their whole sandwich/bowl of cereal/etc. they could have a snack with it. Typically I make their lunch with 2 "sides". I am just going to withhold a side and give it to them as a snack and that is going to make me a hero. Psychological mind games with the preschool set is so in my wheelhouse. Chuck did propose that we have a dessert every night after dinner. The girls thought that was the best rule of all. I think I may follow Alcina's family rule of one night a sweet for dessert, the next night fruit. I always thought that was sensible. I am just going to have to make the fruit look "fun" so I don't get the stink eye from my 3 housemates.
Chuck added a rule; that the girls be just as nice and listen to him as well as they do to me. I also told them that I was not going to nag them all day about picking up their toys. They would just need to make sure they were picked up before bed time. Sara and Anna agreed to our rules. Somehow though, we are expected to follow their addendum's to our house rules but they have not been pulling their weight. Funny...didn't see that coming!
So back to the no snacks until dinner biting me in the ass. So I came home from work the other night. I get home at 7:30 and hadn't had anything to eat since about 12:30. I was ready for dinner. Anna asks me to read her a story. I tell her I will read 1 book and then I am going to have dinner. Sara comes along just as I finish the book, she asks me to read one. I tell her the same thing. I will read you 1 book and then I am going to have dinner. She then starts in with I play with Anna all the time and not her, etc. etc. I explain that I haven't had anything to eat since lunch and I really need to have dinner. She didn't care. I told her that when we had lunch together that was the last time I got to eat something, but she got to have snacks, dinner and dessert. To which she responds, "mom, now you know how we felt when you wouldn't let us eat any food. It doesn't feel too good, does it?". Touche Sara, touche.
So we held a family meeting the other day. It has been about a year since the last time we convened. The last time was a bit of a disaster...Anna sat straight faced, all the while farting through the entire meeting. Sara was so upset by Anna's lack of civility that she added "No farting during family meetings" to our list of family rules. We have the picture to prove it. Fast forward a year and our latest family meeting. The meeting was Sara's suggestion. As I was putting her to bed she told me that she didn't think it was fair that Chuck and I get to make all the rules and they have to follow them. So I thought for a minute and I realized that she was right. It was a bit of a dictatorship within our home. I told her that we could all sit down in the morning and have a family meeting to come up with some solutions that would make everyone happy. I told her to think about it over night and get back to me in the a.m. Off to sleep she went...and boy could I see the wheels turning in her head as she drifted off...
Just to set the stage, Sara's discontent with the rules came from an incident that happened earlier that day. I made the girls a nice, well rounded, fun and nutritious lunch. Surprise, surprise...they didn't eat it. I am so sick of wasting food. That is one of the things that bothers me to no end. There are so many hungry children in this world and I have kids that waste food without a thought. I know that is a huge global life lesson and is beyond their developmental level of understanding. However, I dug my heels in and took a stand. I asked 3 times if they were sure that they were done..all 3 times they rolled their eyes and said yes. So I had them clear their plates and they went off to play. Not 2 minutes later they came in and asked for a snack. I told them that if their bellies were too full for lunch then they were too full for a snack. They protested. I reminded them that I asked 3 times if they were done and reminded them that they very clearly told me they were. I then told them that they would have to wait until dinner...no snacks. That was going to be 3.5 hours. Not a huge gap of time, but enough time for them to feel hungry. I wanted to teach them a life lesson. Keep in mind these 2 are grazers. They would snack all day long if they could. A while back we had to implement a snack ticket system to keep their snacking at bay. They are allotted a pre-set number of snacks for the day. They then need to "buy" their snack with a snack ticket (a raffle ticket). This is in an effort to teach them about pacing themselves, delayed gratification, the value of "money" and healthy eating habits.
So, they did not like my plan at first. They whined and carried on but then they got involved with an activity and forgot all about it. I did allow them to have drinks...I am not a total jerk...and they did each have a yogurt smoothie which could be counted as a snack on a technicality....About 25 minutes before dinner they caught me in my room eating some almonds. In all fairness to me I DID eat my lunch so I could have a snack. Well, that pissed them off to no end. Chuck comes in and Anna (2 years old) rats me out telling her daddy that "mommy won't give us any food...we couldn't eat anything for hours"...OK, so that was the truth but she kind of left out a huge piece of the story. I filled him in on what was going on, made him promise not to cave the last 15 minutes while dinner was cooking and off I went to Market Basket. He held up his end of the bargain and guess what? They ate their entire dinner. Life lesson learned? Check? This will come back to bite me in the ass the next day.
Back to the family meeting...So we all gather round the kitchen table. Sara wants me to get everyone up to speed as to why she wants the meeting. Then I ask her what rules she opposes. She does not like the fact that Chuck and I tell them when they go to bed. They think they should get to decide. I thought about it and I decided that they should be able to decide when they go to bed. "OK girls, you are right, you can decide when you are ready for bed. You can pick anytime to go to bed in between Seven-four-five and eight-one-five" (7:45-8:15). That is democracy parenting style...allow them to get YOUR way, all the while thinking they are getting THEIR way. They agreed to that new ruling. For the record that was their pre-existing bedtime. Sara was drunk with power by now. So she then tells us she thinks that they should get a snack with lunch (and then very quickly added and with breakfast and dinner too!). So again, I let them get "their" way and said that if they ate their whole sandwich/bowl of cereal/etc. they could have a snack with it. Typically I make their lunch with 2 "sides". I am just going to withhold a side and give it to them as a snack and that is going to make me a hero. Psychological mind games with the preschool set is so in my wheelhouse. Chuck did propose that we have a dessert every night after dinner. The girls thought that was the best rule of all. I think I may follow Alcina's family rule of one night a sweet for dessert, the next night fruit. I always thought that was sensible. I am just going to have to make the fruit look "fun" so I don't get the stink eye from my 3 housemates.
Chuck added a rule; that the girls be just as nice and listen to him as well as they do to me. I also told them that I was not going to nag them all day about picking up their toys. They would just need to make sure they were picked up before bed time. Sara and Anna agreed to our rules. Somehow though, we are expected to follow their addendum's to our house rules but they have not been pulling their weight. Funny...didn't see that coming!
So back to the no snacks until dinner biting me in the ass. So I came home from work the other night. I get home at 7:30 and hadn't had anything to eat since about 12:30. I was ready for dinner. Anna asks me to read her a story. I tell her I will read 1 book and then I am going to have dinner. Sara comes along just as I finish the book, she asks me to read one. I tell her the same thing. I will read you 1 book and then I am going to have dinner. She then starts in with I play with Anna all the time and not her, etc. etc. I explain that I haven't had anything to eat since lunch and I really need to have dinner. She didn't care. I told her that when we had lunch together that was the last time I got to eat something, but she got to have snacks, dinner and dessert. To which she responds, "mom, now you know how we felt when you wouldn't let us eat any food. It doesn't feel too good, does it?". Touche Sara, touche.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
The Joys of Motherhood...
Being a mom is amazing. I love my girls more than I ever thought possible. That being said, today sucked. I am going to go out on a limb here and say that it actually sucked ass. Yup, I said it. There was nothing joyful about my day today. Let me take you through the past 15 hours...
It all started when I woke up at 5:30. Wait, let me rephrase that...it all started at 5:30 am when Anna came in to my bed with me...I am rephrasing because to say "woke up" one would have had been asleep. I was not. Sara slept with me in my bed last night. Again, I should rephrase...she did not sleep "with" me because I did not sleep. Instead she slept next to me while I lay awake staring at the clock as my opportunity to sleep ticked away. Sara's 3 foot, 34 pound body takes up more room in a bed than a 450 pound sumo wrestler. I have no idea how that is possible but it is true. Why was she sleeping with me? Oh, that is easy. She has not pooped in almost 2 weeks, so she is miserable, uncomfortable and loud. Didn't want her to keep Anna up too.
So back to Anna coming in my room. She does that every morning and it is usually the best part of my day. She comes in without saying anything and just snuggles a bit and falls back asleep for a while. She is so cozy and snugly. Well this morning she was pissed that Sara was already in bed with me. So she voices her protest and now everyone is awake. AWESOME!!! So the whole a.m. routine starts 2 hours early. Breakfasts to make, diapers to change, etc. etc. Just to mix it up a bit we are hit with an awful thunderstorm. So Anna is up my ass for the next hour and a half. But she is 2 that is expected. The friggin new cat Lucy was terrified and would not get off of Sara, so she is miserable from being full of sh*t and now the cat is clinging to her for dear life. So Sara is crying and the cat is meowing. It is only 8 a.m!
The storm passes and we move on. Meanwhile I have given Sara, Anna and Sara&Anna combo 4 tubs so far. Sometimes Sara is able to make some "progress" while in the tub. But if she is going to poop in there Anna can't be in with her. I guess she could but that is just gross. I am sure Anna pees every time they are in the tub but since I can't actually see the pee I have no proof therefore I pretend it doesn't happen. Poop is harder to ignore. Since they are little girls and since we have already established that poop is gross I have to bleach the tub down after every tub. If any of you have been to my house you know how tiny my bathroom is. The act of properly bleaching it down is a Cirque du Soliel side show. No real progress has been made.
In between Sara's screaming and sitting on the floor shaking fits I have made breakfasts/played Barbies and started cooking lunch. It is only 10:45 a.m!
For the most part my girls are very nice to each other, they really look out for each other. Anna heard Sara crying a few times and would bring her something special. I praised her up and down for being such a nice sister (because if you have read some of my previous posts you know that depending on her mood Anna can turn on a dime and be mean to Sara). I think Anna liked the attention and kept bringing Sara a ton of gifts. She would come in and look at me with a smirk before handing it to Sara. Sara was getting pissed...all of these presents were taking up her personal space and she could not rock in the fetal position any more. So she yells at Anna and Anna gets mad and tells her to go away, she doesn't want to hear her baby cry anymore. Now the gloves are off and they are just going after each other.
So I serve lunch that no one eats. So I finally get a minute to sit down to eat my lunch (which is actually breakfast that I never got to) and Sara starts crying that she needs to take another tub. I ditch my breakfast/lunch and fill the tub. She gets in, I sit down, take 1 bite and she is crying to get out. Meanwhile Anna is playing Barbies again and wants me to play. I can't go any longer than 2 minutes at a time because I have to go console Sara who is pretty much in labor at this point. So Anna gets mad at me for not playing Barbies and she boos me. Yes, my 2 year old boos me. It is her new go to when she is mad at me. She sounds kind of like the old lady that boos in the Princess Bride. BOOOO! BOOO! BOOO MOMMY!!! So I am sitting with Sara and then Anna falls off of her tricycle. Yes, she was riding her trike in the house. We live on a busy street and they really like to ride their bikes so we let them ride around the house. It is actually a good way to get them to clean up...they ride through a room and put any toys they find in the bike's basket and drive it to where it belongs. But I digress...I go give Anna a snuggle since she was hurt. Now Sara is pissed and throws a silver bracelet thing at me. Absolutely unacceptable. So she goes right to time out. Turns out impossible to enforce since she is on the verge of delivering a monster poop and screams out in pain in increasingly frequent intervals.
I am proud to announce that at 2:31 this afternoon Sara gave birth to a 2 foot long crap. It was an uneventful water birth. Both Sara and the turd are doing well. So Sara gets out of the tub with an incredible spring in her step. I am left to dredge the tub. Sadly, that is not the worst thing that will happen to my hands today. The joys of motherhood!!! I bleach it down for the 5th time today.
We move on with our day. What exciting things did we do? Oh, the girls played on the computers and I got to pick up the house which had been neglected all day. So needless to say no Silver Fox today. A day without Anderson Cooper is a day not truly lived. Thank God for his 10 p.m. show on CNN.
So the house is picked up, dinner is cooking and I work on a batch of Gazpacho for tomorrow. Don't worry...I have washed/sanitized my hands at least 10 times over before I started cooking. The gazpacho came out delish by the way. However...my hands did not fair so well. For the past 2 hours they have been burning thanks to the jalapenos that I chopped. I actually have been holding ice cubes in my hands for about an hour to no avail. I have to stop typing every few minutes to cool them off. I am dreading the minute I feel like I have to pee. That will top off my perfect day...setting my ass on fire...
So I put Sara to bed and I am about to climb down the bunk bed ladder....yes, I sit with her until she falls asleep...don't judge. As I turn to climb down I push the blanket out of the way. Turns out Lucy that friggin cat was curled up in it, she yells at me and takes a swipe at my hand. It took all my strength not to throw her off the top bunk. If Sara didn't love her so much she would have been back at the shelter months ago.
Now I am just sitting in the dark writing my blog. The only relaxation I have had all day...
What makes this day more annoying is that we were invited to a playdate with someone I have been trying to meet up with for a while. I really wanted to go. I knew when I had children that they would always come first. I get it...there are going to be things I have to miss out on...but come on..Somehow whenever I have something I really want to do Sara is in the middle of one of her shit storms. I made the mistake of going to a cookout during Sara's first clean out. I was naive. I had no idea what I was in for. Well...a brief synopsis...3 hours and 27 diapers later I felt like I had a 40 minute window to pack her up and drive home before round 2 hit. I can just imagine the conversation that was had when we left the party that day. It is said that on very hot days you can faintly smell molasses in Boston from the great molasses flood of 1919. I am sure the same holds true at Helene's house...The folklore goes; on hot summer days you can still smell a faint odor of poop wafting through the air. Lesson learned after that day and when we are in clean out mode we hunker down in the house until the storm passes. No matter what the social engagement. I had to pass up an invitation to Mallorca for Caty and Joaquin's wedding. I know it is always the right thing to do...my child comes first but it still stinks (pun intended) to have to live my life around a 4 year olds bowel habits.
I know I have mentioned this in a previous post but I would make and awesome doula. I can support someone through the birthing process like nobodies business. Sara and I work on breathing techniques, distraction techniques and use guided imagery to get the job done. On the outside I am calm and supportive but on the inside I am screaming "just sh*t! just push it out already!!" But I guess all is well that ends well. Sara is sleeping comfortably...resting up for the squirts that will inevitably be around all day tomorrow. Come on, you fill a 34 pound little girl with that much EX-Lax and Mira-Lax what do you think will happen once the plug is gone?
Oh, I almost forgot that today Ann decided she wanted to wear underwear. Which is fine, but she doesn't get the concept that she is not supposed to pee in them. She pees her pants and gets so exited that she peed. I usually have a ton of patience with toilet training but not today. Diapers were back on after the first pee accident.
So thank you for listening to my overtired rant and for the record Sara is followed by a wonderful Pediatric Gastroenterologist and we are following the proper treatment protocol for her...just a frustrating day for me.
It all started when I woke up at 5:30. Wait, let me rephrase that...it all started at 5:30 am when Anna came in to my bed with me...I am rephrasing because to say "woke up" one would have had been asleep. I was not. Sara slept with me in my bed last night. Again, I should rephrase...she did not sleep "with" me because I did not sleep. Instead she slept next to me while I lay awake staring at the clock as my opportunity to sleep ticked away. Sara's 3 foot, 34 pound body takes up more room in a bed than a 450 pound sumo wrestler. I have no idea how that is possible but it is true. Why was she sleeping with me? Oh, that is easy. She has not pooped in almost 2 weeks, so she is miserable, uncomfortable and loud. Didn't want her to keep Anna up too.
So back to Anna coming in my room. She does that every morning and it is usually the best part of my day. She comes in without saying anything and just snuggles a bit and falls back asleep for a while. She is so cozy and snugly. Well this morning she was pissed that Sara was already in bed with me. So she voices her protest and now everyone is awake. AWESOME!!! So the whole a.m. routine starts 2 hours early. Breakfasts to make, diapers to change, etc. etc. Just to mix it up a bit we are hit with an awful thunderstorm. So Anna is up my ass for the next hour and a half. But she is 2 that is expected. The friggin new cat Lucy was terrified and would not get off of Sara, so she is miserable from being full of sh*t and now the cat is clinging to her for dear life. So Sara is crying and the cat is meowing. It is only 8 a.m!
The storm passes and we move on. Meanwhile I have given Sara, Anna and Sara&Anna combo 4 tubs so far. Sometimes Sara is able to make some "progress" while in the tub. But if she is going to poop in there Anna can't be in with her. I guess she could but that is just gross. I am sure Anna pees every time they are in the tub but since I can't actually see the pee I have no proof therefore I pretend it doesn't happen. Poop is harder to ignore. Since they are little girls and since we have already established that poop is gross I have to bleach the tub down after every tub. If any of you have been to my house you know how tiny my bathroom is. The act of properly bleaching it down is a Cirque du Soliel side show. No real progress has been made.
In between Sara's screaming and sitting on the floor shaking fits I have made breakfasts/played Barbies and started cooking lunch. It is only 10:45 a.m!
For the most part my girls are very nice to each other, they really look out for each other. Anna heard Sara crying a few times and would bring her something special. I praised her up and down for being such a nice sister (because if you have read some of my previous posts you know that depending on her mood Anna can turn on a dime and be mean to Sara). I think Anna liked the attention and kept bringing Sara a ton of gifts. She would come in and look at me with a smirk before handing it to Sara. Sara was getting pissed...all of these presents were taking up her personal space and she could not rock in the fetal position any more. So she yells at Anna and Anna gets mad and tells her to go away, she doesn't want to hear her baby cry anymore. Now the gloves are off and they are just going after each other.
So I serve lunch that no one eats. So I finally get a minute to sit down to eat my lunch (which is actually breakfast that I never got to) and Sara starts crying that she needs to take another tub. I ditch my breakfast/lunch and fill the tub. She gets in, I sit down, take 1 bite and she is crying to get out. Meanwhile Anna is playing Barbies again and wants me to play. I can't go any longer than 2 minutes at a time because I have to go console Sara who is pretty much in labor at this point. So Anna gets mad at me for not playing Barbies and she boos me. Yes, my 2 year old boos me. It is her new go to when she is mad at me. She sounds kind of like the old lady that boos in the Princess Bride. BOOOO! BOOO! BOOO MOMMY!!! So I am sitting with Sara and then Anna falls off of her tricycle. Yes, she was riding her trike in the house. We live on a busy street and they really like to ride their bikes so we let them ride around the house. It is actually a good way to get them to clean up...they ride through a room and put any toys they find in the bike's basket and drive it to where it belongs. But I digress...I go give Anna a snuggle since she was hurt. Now Sara is pissed and throws a silver bracelet thing at me. Absolutely unacceptable. So she goes right to time out. Turns out impossible to enforce since she is on the verge of delivering a monster poop and screams out in pain in increasingly frequent intervals.
I am proud to announce that at 2:31 this afternoon Sara gave birth to a 2 foot long crap. It was an uneventful water birth. Both Sara and the turd are doing well. So Sara gets out of the tub with an incredible spring in her step. I am left to dredge the tub. Sadly, that is not the worst thing that will happen to my hands today. The joys of motherhood!!! I bleach it down for the 5th time today.
We move on with our day. What exciting things did we do? Oh, the girls played on the computers and I got to pick up the house which had been neglected all day. So needless to say no Silver Fox today. A day without Anderson Cooper is a day not truly lived. Thank God for his 10 p.m. show on CNN.
So the house is picked up, dinner is cooking and I work on a batch of Gazpacho for tomorrow. Don't worry...I have washed/sanitized my hands at least 10 times over before I started cooking. The gazpacho came out delish by the way. However...my hands did not fair so well. For the past 2 hours they have been burning thanks to the jalapenos that I chopped. I actually have been holding ice cubes in my hands for about an hour to no avail. I have to stop typing every few minutes to cool them off. I am dreading the minute I feel like I have to pee. That will top off my perfect day...setting my ass on fire...
So I put Sara to bed and I am about to climb down the bunk bed ladder....yes, I sit with her until she falls asleep...don't judge. As I turn to climb down I push the blanket out of the way. Turns out Lucy that friggin cat was curled up in it, she yells at me and takes a swipe at my hand. It took all my strength not to throw her off the top bunk. If Sara didn't love her so much she would have been back at the shelter months ago.
Now I am just sitting in the dark writing my blog. The only relaxation I have had all day...
What makes this day more annoying is that we were invited to a playdate with someone I have been trying to meet up with for a while. I really wanted to go. I knew when I had children that they would always come first. I get it...there are going to be things I have to miss out on...but come on..Somehow whenever I have something I really want to do Sara is in the middle of one of her shit storms. I made the mistake of going to a cookout during Sara's first clean out. I was naive. I had no idea what I was in for. Well...a brief synopsis...3 hours and 27 diapers later I felt like I had a 40 minute window to pack her up and drive home before round 2 hit. I can just imagine the conversation that was had when we left the party that day. It is said that on very hot days you can faintly smell molasses in Boston from the great molasses flood of 1919. I am sure the same holds true at Helene's house...The folklore goes; on hot summer days you can still smell a faint odor of poop wafting through the air. Lesson learned after that day and when we are in clean out mode we hunker down in the house until the storm passes. No matter what the social engagement. I had to pass up an invitation to Mallorca for Caty and Joaquin's wedding. I know it is always the right thing to do...my child comes first but it still stinks (pun intended) to have to live my life around a 4 year olds bowel habits.
I know I have mentioned this in a previous post but I would make and awesome doula. I can support someone through the birthing process like nobodies business. Sara and I work on breathing techniques, distraction techniques and use guided imagery to get the job done. On the outside I am calm and supportive but on the inside I am screaming "just sh*t! just push it out already!!" But I guess all is well that ends well. Sara is sleeping comfortably...resting up for the squirts that will inevitably be around all day tomorrow. Come on, you fill a 34 pound little girl with that much EX-Lax and Mira-Lax what do you think will happen once the plug is gone?
Oh, I almost forgot that today Ann decided she wanted to wear underwear. Which is fine, but she doesn't get the concept that she is not supposed to pee in them. She pees her pants and gets so exited that she peed. I usually have a ton of patience with toilet training but not today. Diapers were back on after the first pee accident.
So thank you for listening to my overtired rant and for the record Sara is followed by a wonderful Pediatric Gastroenterologist and we are following the proper treatment protocol for her...just a frustrating day for me.
Sunday, August 5, 2012
The horse has left the barn...
I think for the most part we are a pretty simple family. Nothing extravagant going on here. Practical clothes, practical cars, etc. etc. We have never really been into technology. I have a very simple cell phone, it is one of those pay as you go ones. I don't text and it drives me insane when people are texting constantly. Really? Are you really texting something so important that it can't wait until after dinner or our actual face to face conversation is over? I bet that the text goes something like this; WTF? LOL!! ROFLMA!! I could see why that is so pressing and needs to be addressed immediately. However, just not my cup of tea. Any of you that have had the pleasure of working with me know that I am terrible with the computer and anything technological. When in a fit of technologically induced rage I yelled "I hate technology!" Chuck added, yeah, well it hates you too. That about sums it up. That is until Friday evening...I didn't know it then but one tiny thing was about to change our lives...
Ladies and gentleman I give you the Ipad. I got one for work. I thought it would be a nice tool to use with the long term, chronic babies we have. Maybe have some soft music playing with scrolling pictures of their families or of baby animals. I am not quite sure how I am going to use it, but I figured Ipads are all the rage in the Child Life Community...I need to stay relevant. So my boss brought one over for me. He knows that I am terrible with anything that involves the internet, downloads and apps. I actually had to ask what an "app" was. He suggested I take it home, look it over, play around with it, figure it out. He said to have my kids play with it to see what games they like, etc. My plan was to play around with it after they went to bed. I came in, they saw the box and the girls and Chuck wanted to see what it was all about.
It is now Sunday evening and I think Anna the two year old has logged over 43 hours on the thing. Within 5 minutes of playing with it she knew how to access the games she wanted, switch to a new game adjust the volume, etc. etc. On the other hand I just today realized that there was an on/off switch. I would just put it away in the box while it was still on. Every time I would get it out again it was off so I thought that was all I needed to do.
Since there is only 1 Ipad and I have 2 children it has caused many, many fights. Anna will play with it for 2 hours, Sara will come along and ask for a turn. She will have it for no word of a lie 30 seconds when Anna starts in with, "Sara had a long turn, when can I play with it?". I know this because somehow they have been secretly taping their conversations on it and then replaying them. They think it is funny to hear themselves. I think it is very annoying because not only do I get to listen to them bicker in real time I now get to listen them bicker over and over and over again. But, my friends that is not all that they have recorded. Oh no ladies and gentleman, they recorded me. WITHOUT MY PERMISSION OR KNOWLEDGE!!! I believe that is against federal wire tapping laws. If I wanted I could turn them in. If they keep up the fighting there may be an anonymous call to the FBI in their future. So I walk into the kitchen and hear myself talking, but my mouth is closed. Of course it can't be a normal conversation they get on tape. Let me give you a synopsis of it...Anna was fighting with Sara. Anna called Sara a "boobie"...that is a big time swear in Anna's world. To try to take power away from the word I say oh, good Sara is a boobie. I like boobies. Anna then lets loose with her equivalent of Mother F*cker..."Sara you are a big fat floppy boobie"...hmm, wonder where she got that inspiration? Then she says adds just like mommy's boobies. Lovely. Not only is my two year old daughter passing judgement on my body she is doing so while being recorded. Thank God I heard this. Can you imagine my horror if I were to walk by a crib in the NICU and not only hear my 2 kids arguing, but invoking my floppy boobies as the mother of all swear words. I better figure out how to delete recordings from the Ipad ASAP!!! I am sure that is easier said than done.
Chuck has got in on the action too. Last night I was headed to bed and I saw him on the couch with this weird, blue glow about his face. I ask what he is doing...he has the Ipad and has found Angry Birds. I think he has a slight addiction now. If the kids don't have the Ipad then Chuck is shooting a bird out a slingshot on it. He has already suggested that we get the kids one for Christmas. He has been researching these and Kindle Fire's. I know that at some point in the near future we will be the proud owner of some type of tablet. How do I know? When he likes something he gets a little bit obsessive, looking them up, researching them, comparing specs, etc. etc. That is how we ended up with a new camera (which we really didn't need...thanks Miho...he was hooked after he saw your camera), a new laptop and a chocolate fountain. I can go along with the camera and computer...but the chocolate fountain? It was awesome the 2 times we used it but now it is collecting dust in the basement.
So I am sure that the kids will be pulling out their lists to Santa and including an addendum listing Ipads. Yes, it is only the first week of August and yes they have already made their lists. That is thanks in part to my friend R.C. The girls went for a playdate at her house and they played on one of those ride-on, electric tractors. The whole way home Sara was begging for one. I told her that was not a toy that parents buy, that is something she would have to ask Santa for and then he would decide. So as soon as we walked in she grabbed some paper and a pen and starting writing.
I have kept my kids in this safe little bubble for the past 4.5 years. But now in the course of 3 weeks my kids have been exposed to two awesomely cool things that I have fought so hard to keep a secret. God help me when they find out that Disney is an actual place you can go to...
Ladies and gentleman I give you the Ipad. I got one for work. I thought it would be a nice tool to use with the long term, chronic babies we have. Maybe have some soft music playing with scrolling pictures of their families or of baby animals. I am not quite sure how I am going to use it, but I figured Ipads are all the rage in the Child Life Community...I need to stay relevant. So my boss brought one over for me. He knows that I am terrible with anything that involves the internet, downloads and apps. I actually had to ask what an "app" was. He suggested I take it home, look it over, play around with it, figure it out. He said to have my kids play with it to see what games they like, etc. My plan was to play around with it after they went to bed. I came in, they saw the box and the girls and Chuck wanted to see what it was all about.
It is now Sunday evening and I think Anna the two year old has logged over 43 hours on the thing. Within 5 minutes of playing with it she knew how to access the games she wanted, switch to a new game adjust the volume, etc. etc. On the other hand I just today realized that there was an on/off switch. I would just put it away in the box while it was still on. Every time I would get it out again it was off so I thought that was all I needed to do.
Since there is only 1 Ipad and I have 2 children it has caused many, many fights. Anna will play with it for 2 hours, Sara will come along and ask for a turn. She will have it for no word of a lie 30 seconds when Anna starts in with, "Sara had a long turn, when can I play with it?". I know this because somehow they have been secretly taping their conversations on it and then replaying them. They think it is funny to hear themselves. I think it is very annoying because not only do I get to listen to them bicker in real time I now get to listen them bicker over and over and over again. But, my friends that is not all that they have recorded. Oh no ladies and gentleman, they recorded me. WITHOUT MY PERMISSION OR KNOWLEDGE!!! I believe that is against federal wire tapping laws. If I wanted I could turn them in. If they keep up the fighting there may be an anonymous call to the FBI in their future. So I walk into the kitchen and hear myself talking, but my mouth is closed. Of course it can't be a normal conversation they get on tape. Let me give you a synopsis of it...Anna was fighting with Sara. Anna called Sara a "boobie"...that is a big time swear in Anna's world. To try to take power away from the word I say oh, good Sara is a boobie. I like boobies. Anna then lets loose with her equivalent of Mother F*cker..."Sara you are a big fat floppy boobie"...hmm, wonder where she got that inspiration? Then she says adds just like mommy's boobies. Lovely. Not only is my two year old daughter passing judgement on my body she is doing so while being recorded. Thank God I heard this. Can you imagine my horror if I were to walk by a crib in the NICU and not only hear my 2 kids arguing, but invoking my floppy boobies as the mother of all swear words. I better figure out how to delete recordings from the Ipad ASAP!!! I am sure that is easier said than done.
Chuck has got in on the action too. Last night I was headed to bed and I saw him on the couch with this weird, blue glow about his face. I ask what he is doing...he has the Ipad and has found Angry Birds. I think he has a slight addiction now. If the kids don't have the Ipad then Chuck is shooting a bird out a slingshot on it. He has already suggested that we get the kids one for Christmas. He has been researching these and Kindle Fire's. I know that at some point in the near future we will be the proud owner of some type of tablet. How do I know? When he likes something he gets a little bit obsessive, looking them up, researching them, comparing specs, etc. etc. That is how we ended up with a new camera (which we really didn't need...thanks Miho...he was hooked after he saw your camera), a new laptop and a chocolate fountain. I can go along with the camera and computer...but the chocolate fountain? It was awesome the 2 times we used it but now it is collecting dust in the basement.
So I am sure that the kids will be pulling out their lists to Santa and including an addendum listing Ipads. Yes, it is only the first week of August and yes they have already made their lists. That is thanks in part to my friend R.C. The girls went for a playdate at her house and they played on one of those ride-on, electric tractors. The whole way home Sara was begging for one. I told her that was not a toy that parents buy, that is something she would have to ask Santa for and then he would decide. So as soon as we walked in she grabbed some paper and a pen and starting writing.
I have kept my kids in this safe little bubble for the past 4.5 years. But now in the course of 3 weeks my kids have been exposed to two awesomely cool things that I have fought so hard to keep a secret. God help me when they find out that Disney is an actual place you can go to...
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