It is a medical miracle that Anna has, up until this point, not succumbed to the plague. You see Anna is perpetually conducting a scientific experiment to see how far a human being can push the limits of cleanliness. Or, in her case, lack of cleanliness. In what would seemingly be an impossibility Anna comes out of the tub DIRTIER than when she went in. When she washes her hands I make her use a nail brush, not in preparation for a manicure...nope, it is because after a day of Anna being Anna her hands look as if she had been toiling in a coal mine for a 24 hour shift. I don't know what she gets in to. Sara's hands have never been that dirty. Ever! But, I need to keep in mind this is the child that just the other day admitted to having, on occasion, picked her nose with her toes. It is not uncommon to see Anna walk by, going about her daily activities sans pants. No reason given. She is the master of passing gas and instinctively blames it on someone else with a completely straight face. She is the queen of pooping her pants and continuing to play while sitting in her own filth. Today Chuck wondered out loud if Anna had contracted leprosy. He was getting her out of the car and had to wait, she was peeling a layer of her fingernail off. Yup, that is about right. I have never put much thought into putting my children on a reality show, but, if I had to guess which show may be appropriate for one of my offspring I would place the smart money on "Monsters Inside Me" on Animal Planet. It profiles real people that are infected with all sorts of crazy parasites, bacteria, etc. I see an upcoming episode featuring Annie and a rare form of Leishmaniasis.
Poor Anna has been sick since Christmas Eve. She was fine all day. Late in the afternoon she was crying at the drop of a hat. I just thought she was overwhelmed with the festivities and didn't give it much thought. We head out to a family holiday party and 10 minutes in she get sick eyes. She is freezing and asks if she can go home and go to bed. We make a quick exit. I feel bad for Anna, but I also feel bad for exposing all the other kids at the start of school vacation. Had I known she was sick I would never have brought her....I swear I am not THAT parent...you know the one that always brings their snot nose kid without giving anyone a heads up beforehand and inevitably your kid gets sick 2 days later. So to anyone that was at the party...I am so sorry!! She didn't show any symptoms until after we arrived!!
Since then we have all been playing musical beds...trying to maximize the amount of family members who get sleep. Christmas Eve Anna slept in bed with Chuck and I took the bottom bunk in the girl's room. Anna was coughing so much it was difficult for Sara to fall asleep. So Chuck and Anna had a sleepless night. Sara was up every 20 minutes asking if Santa had come yet, the fish tank light shines brighter than the northern lights so in between her waking up I had perpetual sunlight shining in my eyes. Christmas night Sara slept in my bed, Anna in hers and Chuck on the couch. That was the best combo. The girls did fine and Chuck and I each got a solid 5 hours. More than we have had in a long time. Last night Anna wanted a turn to sleep in my bed with me, Sara was on her top bunk and Chuck started out in the bottom bunk. When all was said and done I ditched Anna and went into her bed, Chuck then went out on the couch. Anna threw a fit and wanted to sleep on the couch, so Chuck went into our bed and I ended up on the floor next to Anna and the couch. Did you follow that? Once we get Anna's cough under control musical beds is over and everyone will be back where they belong.
Anna has been fever free for over 24 hours so we ventured out into the world today. It is the only day during Chuck's time off that we had no plans. We wanted to have a fun family day. Of course the weather was a disaster but that didn't stop us. Like I said, Anna was fever free BUT...if you happen to be at the Bertucci's in Norwood, The Bass Pro Shop or Berry Yogurt at Patriot Place you may want to bring some Purell. We had a great time until we came across a jerk at the Bass Pro Shop. Yes my friends, I said it...a JERK! And the answer is no... for those of you that may be wondering if I had a run in with a hunter. It happened in the most benign area of the store. The time share kiosk! We were having a great time climbing through the ice fishing tents, sitting on the tractors, checking out the stuffed wildlife and looking at the fish and turtles. Then we met her. The jerk. She handed us something to fill out so we could enter to win $25,000. So there we are filling out forms when she blindsides us with her a$$sholeishness. That may not *technically* be a word, but it suits her just fine. Sara has decided that she doesn't want to dress like a little girl anymore. She wants to dress like a big girl. To her that means jeans, long sleeve t-shirts and sparkly hooded sweatshirts and boots. Nothing pushing the envelope there. She does however like to wear eye shadow or lipstick. I don't allow this all the time but sometimes I do give in...Rule #1 of being a parent...PICK YOUR BATTLES!! If a tiny bit of teal eye shadow is going to help Sara through the day then from time to time I am going to allow it. Sara is a sweet, extremely bright, kind child. She is also a very anxious child. If there is a big, anxiety provoking event coming up she feels much calmer if she has a little lipstick on. Makeup has become like a security blanket for her. Not exactly what I would want for her as a go-to esteem booster, but you know what?...it works for her and it enables her to face some situations that in the past she would just avoid, making it unpleasant for the whole family. As her mother I have the final say as to how she is raised. It is not like I am dressing her in slutty clothes and pimping her out or putting fake eye lashes on her and adding hair extensions because I don't think she looks good enough. I am letting my little girl dust a little shadow on her eyes. OK, that being said, here is what happened....I am filling out the form and this girl who looks to be about 20-23 years old says, "oh my God does she have makeup on?....I didn't see if before until she blinked". I said, yeah, she wanted a little that matched her sweater. This time share girls goes on and on...saying things like..."you are her mother and you let her wear make-up?...how old is she?...she shouldn't wear makeup this young....she will be crazy as a teenager if you let her get away with stuff like this...she is too cute to wear that stuff...my nieces and nephews would never be allowed to do that..." she is going on and on. Sara is starting to feel real uncomfortable at this point. Thanks random strange Bitch! You are undoing all the hard work I have put into Sara over coming her social anxieties. I have seen some questionable parenting choices in my time. If the child is not physically being hurt or severely emotionally hurt in my presence I keep it to myself and might make a comment later to someone. There have been 2 occasions when I have seen parents smack their kids in the face and I have said something. But, who am I to tell another parent their child really should have a coat on in the rain? Maybe they just spent 40 minutes trying to get the kid to put one on and finally decided to just go out anyone hoping the child will learn to wear a coat next time. If a parent lets their kid eat 2 happy meals at McDonald's not my place to say anything. If someone gives their kid coffee at Dunkin Donuts there is nothing I can do about it. I can only do what is right for my children and hope that other parents have the best interest of their children in mind when choosing how to parent them. So back to this jerk...she keeps going on and on. I seriously started to look around for John Quinoes. I was thinking I HAD to be on the hidden camera show, "What would you do?". Nope....she was just a straight jackass. I wanted so bad to say something..to tell her off and explain to her that yes, just like you I was an awesome parent before I actually had children. That I had all the answers and I was going to have perfect children and always say the right thing. But then I HAD children and I realized that every day brings a new challenge...some you would never begin to anticipate so until you walk in someone's shoes you should keep your comments to yourself (or at least until I walk away and say them behind my back)...but I didn't say any of that because Sara was with me and she is still traumatized from the spirited "disagreement" I had with the cashier at the big Wal-Mart. She still gets nervous when we go there...she reminds me that I yelled at the guy we were never going to shop there again. So I walked away leaving poor Chuck to listen to her whole time share presentation. Since we left there Sara has asked me 3 times what that lady said and why she said it. I was honest and told her she was mean. Sara asked why and I told her that she wasn't happy with her life so she wanted to make everyone around her unhappy too. I told Sara that we don't need to listen to unhappy people that what they say isn't important. After I write this blog I am going to email the manager at the Bass Pro Shop and tell them they need to reign her in. If I ever voiced my personal opinions at work I would be out of a job so fast. Not that I want her to lose her job, but just stick to selling time shares and leave the parenting to the parents. Thank you. I will get off of my soap box now....