Saturday, March 31, 2012

Objects in mirror are bigger than they appear

So tomorrow is the wedding that I had been dress shopping for.  I was so happy that I got the dress several weeks in advance.  Even got new shoes at the beginning of the week.  I was ahead of the game.  So why is it that I had to spend the day doing last minute running around for a wedding that A) I am not getting married in and B) I am not in the wedding party?  I fully place the entire blame on my children...

I had a normal sized foot before I had kids.  A respectable size 6.  As my belly grew with my babies so did my feet.  I assumed that they would go back to normal after my pregnancy.  Yeah right!!  Somehow I missed the red flag that was "hanging" around.  If my belly never regained its glorious pre-baby shape there was apparently no way in hell my feet were going to either.  To add insult to injury they not only went UP a size...they went OUT a size too! 

If you actually know me in the real world and not just here on the blog you know that I am not a fashionista and that I really don't like shopping for clothes.  If you recall my description of the dress I got was something to the effect of "I don't hate it"...I think the last time I wore a dress was on my wedding day 5 years ago.  I am about as comfortable in a dress as I am if I were wearing clothes made from a cactus.  But, it is a necessary evil.  So after the dress I needed shoes.  First of all, all the stores carry now are enormous high heels and open toes.  I got a pair of somewhat cute black, open toed heels.  So today I had a pedicure scheduled and I was just going to pick up a pair of toeless nylons.  Easy enough, right?  Never heard of toeless nylons?  Well, I think they may have gone out of style about the same time I last wore heels.  I went to 4 stores and called a 5th before I came home for lunch.  No luck.  So I ate lunch and did my due diligence....I tracked black, toeless nylons down at the local Macy's.  Local meaning a 25 minute drive.  I gave myself enough time to go to Macy's and get back for my pedicure.  Well, of course Macy's doesn't have them.  They only have "Nude" ones.  WTF!!!  I know what you are thinking..why didn't I call before trekking out there.  I did.  TWICE!!!  Both times it rang a good 30 times before I hung up.  So now it is 2:17 and I still have the 25 minute drive back to get my toes done.  I decide that I will just swing by the shopping plaza on the way home to pick up a pair of closed toed black shoes.  I tried 3 stores and NOTHING!!!  I did find 2 pairs but neither were in my wanky shoe size.  I saw 2 cool, hip, trendy girls in the shoe dept. of Marshalls.  I asked them if it were OK if I wore a black cocktail dress with my black open toed heels with nude colored legs.  Oh yeah, they said, that would be fine.  Well, they seemed like they knew what they were talking about.  I jump back in the car (yes, I got to take the car today and not the mini van!!) and fly to the nail salon.  I just wanted to sit and relax for my hour long treat.  Of course I get the one chatting Cathy in the salon.  I would put the magazine up to my face and even tried to close my eyes so she would take the hint I wanted to zone out.  NOPE!!!  So since we were becoming BFF's I asked her what she thought...Yup, go with the black dress, shoes and nude toeless hose.  So on the way home I return the black nylons I quickly picked up at CVS before my pedi.  I head home all set, even bought the nail polish they used to do my fingers tonight....want to make sure I look good.  For good measure I put on the dress, shoes and nude hose to make sure they knew what they were talking about.  I ask Chuck his opinion and he says, "yeah, NO, doesn't look good at all".  I am thinking he is just messing with me the way he does when I ask him "does tis outfit look horrible?".  But he was serious this time.  I knew it must have really looked bad because it was now 6:15 and he knew I would have to go out and find a solution.  UGH!!!  So much for being all set ahead of time.

I head back out and go to Famous Footwear.  I find a closed toe shoe miraculously in my size.  It the Carlos Santana brand.  Who knew he made women's shoes?  They have an ENORMOUS heel.  4.5 inches to be exact.  How do I know?  I took out a tape measure and measured the flippin thing.  I have already put my health insurance card in my patent leather clutch.  Why you ask?  Oh, those heels and an open bar all night combined with my uncanny ability to turn into a contestant on So You Think You Can Dance once I consume some alcohol may quite possibly end in a broken ankle.

Shoes?...check!  Dress?...check!  Handbag?...check!  Undergarments ?...double check!  Yes, literally a double check.  I am not sure if I should share this or not....but I will.  SPANX MAKES NYLONS!!  They sell them at Target.  You're welcome!  So not only will I have on my regular Spanx, but I will have on Spanx Nylons!  If you have been following my blog regularly then you know that my body is a wonderland and I have a kangaroo pouch.  If you want a good laugh just imagine what it will look like trying to stuff that into not one, but two sets of Spanx tomorrow.  I will give you a minute to compose yourself.......I am wearing a black dress so I am not sure my baby powder trick is a wise choice.  Again, not sure how this whole open bar is going work out....if I have a few cocktails then I will need to use the bathroom at some point.  We all know that there is ALWAYS a line in the ladies room so you have to be kind of speedy when you are taking care of business.   Trying to get them down and back up again in under 2 minutes is going to look a lot like a Cirque Du Soliel act.  I am not as graceful as those performers so I am sure the ladies in line are going to be wondering what the hell is happening in there.  Hopefully I can survive the ordeal with my dignity intact and not drag a roll of toilet paper behind me...

Sometimes being a girl is not fun.  I might look good on the outside tomorrow night, but I will be suffering for my beauty.  My internal organs are going to be squished together, my feet are going to be contorted into an unnatural arch and I am going to be up way past my bedtime.  Makes me glad I am not famous.  I would have to do this all the time.  Since I am extraordinarily average I only have to do it maybe once every year or two.




Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Don't Give Up Your Day Job!

I promise I won't!  So I think I am a pretty capable person and have a decent skill set that gets me through life just fine.  Well, since my kids have come along I have realized there are a few jobs that I would not be good at...


#1.  Criminal Profiler:  So I love all of those TV cop shows.  I fancy myself an amateur detective.  I can usually figure out who the killer is a few minutes into the show, I can predict how 48 Hours Mystery is going to turn out plus I watch Nancy Grace every night...that must count for something.  WRONG!!!  I have no idea what goes on in the minds of my kids.  I have a degree in Human Development and have spent all of my adult life working with children.  I know when kids are supposed to talk, the ages and stages of developmental milestones etc.  But I will never understand what goes through my kids minds and makes them do some of the stuff they do.  For instance, what is the thought process behind locking the cat in the fish tank cabinet?  Why would you pour a bag of popcorn in the toilet?  Does your little sister really look better with orange marker all over her face?  Does Desitin really need to be rubbed into the hard wood floor?  I wish I could go inside their minds for a day.  Scratch that, just an hour....I would be cleaning up for EVER If I was either of them for a day.  As an adult none of this makes any sense.  But, if you ask them "what are you doing?" they look at you like YOU are the crazy one. 

#2.  Labor and Delivery Nurse:  One of my children has some GI issues and occasionally gets backed up.  REALLY backed up.  To the point I feel like I am helping her birth a turd.  I try to do all the things I have seen on TLC's A Baby Story; we try walking, belly massages, deep breathing, water birth in the tub... any and everything that will help her along.  Well, about 5 days into "labor"  I find myself wanting to scream at the top of my lungs "Just Sh*t!!  Why can't you just sh*t and be done with it?"  Don't think I will be getting my RN anytime soon.

#3.  Attorney:  Since my children have learned to speak I have not won an argument.  According to them I am always wrong.  Period.  I am still rethinking that whole sending Anna to speech therapy last year so she could learn to talk.  Really?  In the end was it really worth?

#4.  Housekeeper:  As I stated in a post earlier in the week I keep my house clean.  What I may have left out was that I meant "surface clean".  I don't have time to really do a nice, proper house clean all the time.  I will admit it...I use baby wipes to wipe down my counters, bathroom sink and just about anything else that needs wiping down.  I use the "turn the table cloth over" trick all the time.  I have these nice organizing bins for the girls toys.  I love to have them in order but if I am short on time I just make sure that the top layer in each bin is similar toys.  For example it will have a layer of My Little Pony's on top but a flippin' free for all underneath.  There could be Potato Head pieces, parts of the Doctor's kit or even Lincoln Logs...a virtual  potpourri of kiddie crap.

#5.  Professional Hairdresser:  I used to have great hair.  It was always so cool and trendy...Fun and funky colors.  Now that I have kids I can't see paying a small fortune to keep up with it.  Soooo...I have taken to trimming it and coloring it myself.  It usually does not end well.  Take for example a few months back when I bought the hair color that was on sale AND that I had a coupon for.  It turned my hair this brittle, black, straw like mess.  Remember?  I gave you all the nice visual of how I now looked like the modern incarnation of Gene Simmons.  Well, in keeping with my new tradition of styling myself after "D" list stars I colored my hair again tonight....and, drum roll please......it is bright orange a la Carrot Top.  Which is perfect  timing that I have this shiny new head of hair because as luck would have it I ACTUALLY have some social engagements this week.  Tomorrow night I have a rehearsal dinner and Sunday night a wedding.  I am hoping it will tone down a bit...wouldn't want to upstage the bride.

So I guess I will be keeping my part time job at the hospital and my full time job as a mom.  That is, if Sara hires me back.  She told me this morning that she does not want me to be her mom anymore.  In an effort to be completely honest...it took all the power I had to bite my tongue on that one....

Monday, March 26, 2012

Say What?!

These are actual things my two lovely girls have said this past week:

*  "If you want me to eat this you need to say the password".  Anna (2 years old)

*  "If you want us to clean up then you need to give us a quarter".  Sara (4 years old).  Anna, with her arms folded and a mad face pipes up with "Yeah, a quarter".

*   "If I have a little poop in my underwear I just pick it out with my fingers and squish it until it disappears".  Name withheld to protect their identity.

*  "Mom, tome here and pell my bum...it pells glose".  When I said no, I didn't want to smell it she said, "come on Mom, it is really glose you can pell it".  Anna.  Translation "Mom, come here and smell my bum...it smells gross...come on Mom, it is really gross you can smell it".

*  "Mom, we were just talking about Love...how it is a nice word and makes you feel happy".  Sara as she was sitting on the porch with Anna.

*  "Mom, Anna is the baddest sister EVER!!  She is boring, I don't like her, I don't love her and I don't want to be her sister anymore".  Sara 5 minutes after her and Anna were talking about Love.

*  "Mom, I peed my bed but it is OK, it smells like crackers"

*  "Mom, Dad tells us NO, then makes us wait a little while then he always gives us what we want".




Sunday, March 25, 2012

Paging Dr. Murray...Dr. Conrad Murray

I think Michael Jackson may have been on to something.  I have had one decent night sleep since I was about 5 months pregnant with Sara, and even that night wasn't that decent.  We went away overnight for our 5th wedding anniversary and though it was great to be away from the kids the silence was a bit unnerving and strangely it was difficult to fall asleep.

So other than that one kind of good night sleep I have averaged about 2.5 hours of sleep a night for 5 years now.  I am not a doctor but I would imagine that is not really compatible with life. 

As previously discussed I was as big as a VW bug when pregnant...not good sleeping mechanics.  Then Sara came....EXTREMELY colicky baby so no sleep was had the first 3 months of her life.  At twelve weeks I went back to work full time so that added another layer of stress.  Got pregnant about 9 months later so in addition to already not getting a ton of sleep add in the peeing every 5 minutes....

Sara ever the challenging child began having night terrors at around 15 months old.  Have you ever seen one of these in person?  I thought she was having a seizure the first time I saw it.  These lasted until she was just over 3...so up until a year and a half ago.  We added Anna into the mix and the whole newborn up every few hours thing so at that point I would say on a good night we were getting about 17 minutes of sleep a night. 

Poor Chuck is addicted to coffee now, the man never had it until we had kids...now he has a 4 cup a day habit.  I drink it occasionally but when I need it..I need it. A while back I went to make a cup and the Keurig was not working!!!  This had happened before and I was able to fix it.  Not this time!  I dialed customer service so fast...the guy was great, I was on the phone with him for 45 minutes while he talked me through the problem.  Got it working...disaster averted.  The next day though it died for good.  Keurig was very nice and sent us a replacement coffee maker a few days later.  That is one of the decades greatest inventions...

So starting a few months ago the kids were FINALLY sleeping through the night 99% of the time.  YAY!!!  They always go to bed right away without fighting and generally are asleep by 8:15 every night....it is just staying asleep that is the issue, night terrors, nightmares, walking in their sleep...etc.  But we FINALLY were on the right track.  Chuck and I couldn't take full advantage just yet...still a bit of PTSD (Post Traumatic Sleep Disorder) left over from the years of battle.  But we were up to about 5 hours of sleep a night, not a solid block of 5 hours, but in short segments combined together we were getting 5 hours a sleep.  It was heading in the right direction.

In an effort to continue this nice trend we were experiencing we (me) decided to add a new cat to the family.  Gracie, our old cat was really lonely at night since her best buddy died a few months earlier.  She would bug me all night long ...we can't close our door at night because the girls are now in bunk beds and we need to hear them.  So we get the new cat and it has been a disaster from day one.  They hate each other and they literally try to kill each other every chance they get.  My hands are kind of tied because the cat is great with the girls, they love her and at the shelter we went on and on how Lucy really needed a family, that since she was older it would be hard for her to find a home and how the kitten would find a home right a way.  Plus, in an effort to teach the girls a valuable life lesson about responsibility, commitment and not turning your back on someone or something when the going gets tough we are stuck with this cat.  But the quality of MY life is suffering.  The cat sleeps with Sara on the top bunk every night and in an effort to survive the night Gracie sleeps on my head every night.  So the kids are learning all these great life lessons and I am significantly shortening my life expectancy from lack of sleep.

Like the old saying goes, All good things must come to an end.  The sleeping through the night was just a passing phase. It lasted one glorious month.  I will forever look back on those carefree days fondly.  Sara's night terrors have started back up and for good measure Anna decided to join in the fun and start with them too.  Sara starts up around 12:30 every night and Anna usually chimes in around 4 a.m.  So we have from 8:15-12:30 to ourselves to talk, watch T.V. and catch up with each other but their is this underlying stress to try and hurry up and fall asleep so we can get a few hours in before the shit hits the fan.  The pressure is unreal.  It is like you don't want to start a movie or a deep conversation because you are always looking at the clock out of the corner of your eye.  It is no way to live.

So to summarize my rant....I now empathize with Michael Jackson.  I did see him as just a run of the mill drug addict but now I see him as just another parent of three kids desperately seeking sleep.  If someone offered me anesthesia assisted sleep at 3 am this morning I would have gladly accepted their offer and probably paid them good money for it.  So I am starting a campaign to free Conrad Murray so he can help all the sleep deprived parents of the world.

FREE DR. MURRAY!!!

FREE DR. MURRAY!!!

FREE DR. MURRAY!!!


***  To my pregnant friends....I am sure this won't happen to you....your babies will sleep through the night at 5 weeks, never sleep in your beds with you or wake you up at 4 am ready to start the day...you will be fine***




Friday, March 23, 2012

I Need a Shower!

I do.  Seriously.  Not the traditional kind with soap, water and shampoo.  I mean the kind of shower when your close family and friends get together, throw a party in your honor and give you new things.  The other night I was in the bathroom washing my hands with soap from a disposable Hello Kitty dispenser.  I declared out loud that we have "nothing nice anymore".  Sara asked Chuck what I was talking about, he said Nothing...mommy is just talking to herself.

It is true.  Since we have had kids we have nothing nice.  We used to.  When we were living in Peabody we had a really nice place, nice furniture and a presentable home.  Then we had kids.  We no longer have anything nice.  Let's take a "virtual" tour of my home.

The Kitchen:  First let me say Shame on Us for going with white cabinets when we renovated.  What were we thinking?  I think the cabinet company should not be allowed to sell white cabinets to people with children.  They looked good for about 2 days.  Children are gross and everything they eat is sticky and brightly colored.  The cabinets quickly became polka dot cabinets.  They never look clean no matter what I do.  I do use the Magic Eraser which is great, but somehow in addition to getting rid of dirt and grime it magically erases the fingerprints from your finger tips.  I can only use it every 6 weeks or so...I am in the "not using it" cycle...I am waiting for my epidermis to grow back.  I get nervous that something bad is going to happen to me right after I use the Magic Eraser and my body won't be identified because my fingertips are blank.  Plus, to add to my paranoia I don't think Chuck has any clue who or where my dentist is located so using dental records for an ID is out, or maybe that would be the ideal time for him to commit the perfect crime.  I better be nice to him after I finish the spring cleaning...If something does happen to me I go to Chestnut Dental...

We also went with a stainless steel fridge.  Big mistake, 1.  Magnets don't stick to it and tape sticks too much so we have all the kids art work hanging on the cabinets.  But I guess that cuts down on the dirty cabinet effect.  2.  No matter what the fridge NEVER looks clean!!!  I have tried everything.

Here is a mysterious phenomenon....since my children entered my life  I have not had matching Tupperware.  True. Instead we use the plastic containers  that lunch meat comes in.  I don't quite understand the correlation of disappearing Tupperware and kids...but it is there. 



The Dining Room:  Which in our house is just the left hand side of the kitchen.  I bought myself a really nice dark brown dining room set.  It was so sleek and pretty.  The kids ruined it.  It is now a dull grey color with some permanent fabric paint stuck too it.  No matter how much I scrub it it looks gross and you wouldn't want to eat off of it.  People must think we are fancy when they come over...we always have a table cloth in the dining room.  Oh la la...BUT, one of my creative cleaning tips...purchasing table cloths that are the same color/pattern on both sides so when one side is dirty I just flip it over to get a few more days out of it...has been foiled!!!  Chuck got the girls some paints for their crafts.  They had a blast, unfortunately they were the aforementioned permanent fabric paints and now my favorite table cloth only has one "good" side.  UGH!!


The Bathroom:  Just gross all around.  We have a potty seat in there on the off chance Anna ever decides to become civilized and stop crapping her pants.  Occasionally Sara pees in there, closes it and never tells anyone.  That is always a nice surprise.  Since using tub crayons, foam soap and all the other UTI causing tub toys the tiles have a slightly grey tinge to them.  And the reason behind the "We have Nothing Nice" rant the other night, the hand soap dispenser.  I bought a nice new one.  Sara picked it up somehow it "sipped" and broke.  I purchased an exact replica, surprisingly it suffered the same fate.  I gave up and went with the plastic Dial Hello Kitty.  Someday I hope  to have a nice hand soap dispenser again.

Oh and towels turn disgusting when you introduce kids.  We got some really nice soft, cream colored towels for our wedding shower.  Now thanks to the kids and them using towels to clean up any mess from paint, food or poop.  They will never be the same.  It is a shame really.

My Bedroom:  I have declared my bedroom as a kids free zone.  No one cares.  As I sit here in  bed writing the blog I can see a juice box (not mine), plastic jewelry, a pumpkin flashlight and some assorted dress up clothes.  Whatever.  But take a look at the full length mirror in my room and you can get a pretty good glimpse into Sara's psyche....there are red lipstick kisses all over it.  She either really loves herself or I am going to have a HUGE problem on my hands when she is about 13 and decides boys aren't gross.


The Living Room:  I bought my living room set a month before Sara was born.  The salesman tried to get us to buy the special fabric protection.  We didn't he had an exasperated look on his face as he stated that we will be the one parents in America without it.  We poo-pooed his notion.  Jokes on us!!!  The couch is gross now.  Oh, we could flip the cushions and start over, but sadly we did that a while back and now there is no "good" side.  If you ever need a hair clip, old Popsicle stick, random crayon or old forgotten goldfish just lift up one of the cushions and you will hit the preschooler jackpot.

We have my sisters old rocker.  She passed it on to my brother and he rocked his baby on it.  I used it to rock my babies.  I am not usually sentimental about "things" but I kind of like it.  Well, it is a bit old (13 years old in fact), the ottoman recently began to wear.  At about the same time I noticed all this fluff floating around the house.  Anna noticed the small tear and went to town pulling all the stuffing out.  Now the ottoman is a deflated pile of fabric.  Sad, very sad.

For Sara's birthday we got her a trampoline.  We were so excited we put it together right away.  In the living room.  Well, turns out it is just slightly bigger than our doorways.  It has been stuck in our living room for a little while.  Since October 27th to be precise.  I suppose we could take it apart and move it, it would make sense...our house is on the small side and every little square foot helps out.  But that would require effort and neither Chuck or I have been willing to put for any effort to remedy this.  I am sure it will be there until we sell the house.  Oh, and we got it for her because they always jump on the couch.  Now they play animal shelter with the trampoline, put their animals in it and hang adoption certificates all along the side, get out and jump on the couch.


Their bedroom: The beautiful lime sherbert paint color has been covered over by a dingy sheen.  It might be from writing on the walls with chalk or rubbing makeup into the wall, I am not actually sure of its origin.  I just know that short of repainting it isn't coming off.  They insist on torturing any hair salon styling head they have.  They all end up looking like Carrie on prom night.   I don't understand their thought process sometimes.  Do they really think Dora looks better with marker in her eyes?  Or chalk in her ears?

They both have wooden letters spelling out their names over their beds.  Sara always mixes her up.  I swear if she changes it to ASRA one more time I am going to insist on calling her that.  Anna will forever be known as NAA...she always loses the other "n". 

Last night I went to put Sara to bed and she started gagging as soon as she climbed up the bunk.  Turns out she put Lucy's wet cat food up there because Lucy wanted to eat up there.  Really? Did she express that desire to you Sara?  Gross!!

The basement: So we do have a bathroom and family room down there.  It is major need of a renovation and we are planning on doing that project next.  We did paint it a pretty yellow and spruced it up in the meantime.  We are probably a year or two away from gutting it.  Well, I went down there recently, I do tend to avoid it for months at a time.  Chuck gave the girls some paint and brushes and told them to have at it.  Now there are trees, birds and butterflys adorning the walls.   I think my kids art work is cute, however, if anyone else went down there it just looks like green blobs on the walls.  So now, even if we wanted to have real people down in that space, we can't....

**So in addition to what I have already included keep in mind when we moved in we switched all the doors from dark wood to white doors.  Big mistake.  I don't know what evil things are lurking on my kids hands but all the doors have this brown grime caked on right at their hand level.  I swear my kids hands don't ever look that dirty to cause such devastation. 

Anna fancies herself an artist and prefers the mediums of pen and Sharpies.  We have a gallery full of her work on the walls throughout the house.  No area is overlooked she loves to decorate the floors with stickers.  Why put them on plain old paper when you have hardwood floor to adhere them to?

If you come over you will see that on the surface my house is always clean.  I like to keep up with it so I can do spur of the moment play-dates....but look closely and you will see nothing is nice anymore.

So I have decided to start a new tradition.   A Post Baby Shower.  I think about 4 years out would be perfect.  It would be to replace all of the nice things you got for your wedding shower that the kids have inevitably ruined.  I think it should start with me.  I will be willing to test out this new event.  So family and friends  I like simple and classic design, functional over fancy and you may want to invest in the fabric protector plan if you are getting me furniture.  I know that Sundays are the usual shower days but I work on Sundays  I am free on Saturdays though...


Tuesday, March 20, 2012

A weekend in the life of a mini van family

Hi Everyone!!  I am back.  Sorry for the little hiatus.  When I started this blog there were four  "rules" I put in place for myself.

1.  I would not take quality time away from my girls to sit in front of the computer.

2.  I would not bad mouth any family members in the blog.

3.  I would not use this as a forum to air any grievances.

4.  I would not intentionally exploit the girls.

I have been so busy with the family and enjoying the nice weather with the girls.  If I took time away to write the blog I would be breaking my # 1 rule.  Fortunately, they feel asleep on time so I have a  few minutes to catch you all up on what we have been up to.  So here is a wrap up of the past 5 days.  Sadly, none of this has been embellished for comedic value.  It is ALL true...

3 A.M. Wake-up Call: 
So let's go back to the early morning hours of this past Thursday.  Say around 3 a.m.  Instead of sleeping like the rest of my family I was trying to keep the cats from killing each other.  Poor Gracie (our old cat) has taken to sleeping on my head in an effort not to be murdered in her sleep by Lucy (our newly adopted black cat).  I keep a spray bottle hanging on my headboard so I have easy access to a weapon when Grace and I are attacked mid slumber.  Have you seen the new Geico ad with the panther sleeping on the night stand licking its lips?  That is Lucy.  She is constantly stalking us.   Anyway, I kept Gracie alive for 1 more day.  Great, but that means my day started at 3 a.m...


Night Terrors and a Bunk Bed: 
 Just as I settle back into bed I hear Sara screaming.  Not her usual Mom!  There is nothing that I need, I just want to see how fast you come running scream.  This was the distinct scream of her night terrors.  I FLY out of my bed and run into her room.  Sara now sleeps on the top of the bunk bed.  If she got really confused she could have fallen right off.  I know, she probably should not be sleeping up on the top of a bunk bed.  She might be too young.  How do I know she might be too young?  The signs all over the bunk beds at Jordan's told me so.  They clearly stated that no one under 6 years old should be on top of the bed...EVER!!!  However, since none of the salespeople ever questioned who we were purchasing it for and it was abundantly clear they were for our 2 and 4 year old we merely took the age requirement under advisement and got them anyway.  They fit our lifestyle.  Plus, I rationalized that Pediatric Emergency Departments carry pink casting material.  If a child was not supposed to have a cast why would they make it in cool, fun colors...right?  I can rationalize anything.

Volunteer and Voluntold:  So we are now up and at 'em.  Chuck took the day off and was going to take Anna to her playgroup and I was volunteering in Sara's class.  Again, in an effort not to break rule # 3 I will not discuss my experience in the preschool class, but, trust me....I have SOOOOO much material I could use here.  But, I won't.  Back to Chuck, he is in the playgroup with the really cliquey mom's that really don't talk to anyone new.  He comes out and says he has no idea what I am talking about, they were all really nice, friendly and talked to him.  Yeah, he his a good looking guy hanging out with his daughter....it was the class novelty, of course they would talk to him.  I am sure next week when I go back it will be back to normal with me trying to be social and hitting a wall each time.  Oh well, Anna loved the class, that is all that is important.

Yo Quiero dos Happy Meals por favor:  So Chuck and I have plans, my dad is going to watch the girls.  We are to meet up at the rest area McDonald's on the highway to grab the girl's lunch and change cars with my dad.  We are in the drive thru for Mickey D's and the guy taking our order only put in for 1 happy meal, Chuck asks if he has ordered 2, the guy states yes it is 2 happy meals in a very thick foreign accent.  We get to the window to pay...it seems low, but he reassured us it was correct.  Sure enough, we get to the 2nd window and there is only 1 Happy Meal.  UGH!!!!  Then we head over to the Dunkin Donuts, I order and a similar situation a clerk with difficulty understanding  me.  Pay for the order and when it comes it is wrong and we have re-order.  UGH!!!!  I believe that everyone should be able to earn a living...but, just thinking out loud here...maybe you should have the non-English speakers kind of behind the scenes and maybe your employees with a better grasp of English on the front end.  It may improve your customer service.

On Star Fiasco:  So we say goodbye to the girls and switch cars.  We head in town.  Well, due to the blackout traffic is a nightmare.  We decide to try out my Dad's On Star.  At first we were mesmerized.  A real human talking to you, he was so kind and compassionate.  I know deep down he was probably sitting at his home in India watching TV and making faces into the phone at my stupid questions.  We were confident in the route he gave us so he switched us over to the automated version.  In an effort to make your trip efficient it politely asks you questions.  IT DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOUR ANSWERS!!!!!  You have to talk to it...verbally say your answers out loud.  So we would clearly say "No" when asked if we wanted to continue.  It would respond, "ok, you want to continue"...or we would answer "Yes" when asked if we wanted to turn it off and then it would ignore us.  I swear it was not automated,  it  was really a bunch of bored On Star workers that had rigged our car with a camera and microphone to see how ridiculous we looked.  I was getting frustrated and would lean into the screen and answer it really loudly...like that would make a difference.  We never figured out how to shut it off and actually returned the car with it still activated.  I guess we really screwed it up because a day later my dad still could not turn it off.  OOPS!!

Breaking the Sacred Vow:  So now it is Friday morning.  I never had "Erin Time" on Thursday night so I didn't go grocery shopping.  I broke the second most sacred vow I have ever made...I took the girls back to the scene of the crime.  We went grocery shopping.  Are you sitting down?  Believe it or not they were AMAZING!!!  They were so well behaved.  I got them their Friday treat early (I usually get them something special on Friday nights after work if they have been good).   The treat was some tub crayons...which would come back to bite me in the ass.  On the way home I was telling them how good they were and Sara told me that the two of them got together and "discussed" it and they decided to be good at the store for my "Friday treat"...how sweet!!!  Though I was looking around the car for a camera.  I must be on some type of punk'd show.

The Trouble with Leprechauns:  I was getting ready for work and Sara announces she hears on the news there is going to be a rainbow tonight over our house and a pot of gold at the bottom, oh, and  a leprechaun is going to leave treats for the kids.  Great! So I have to go to the party store after work which is coincidentally 7:30 p.m. on March 16th...there was nothing good left.  No matter, Sara gets up at 5:08 a.m. insisting on getting up and searching for the pot of gold.  It cracks me up that she gets so excited for these little holidays.  Chuck says we have to be careful and not let know about Arbor Day, not sure how we would celebrate that one.


The Phantom Poop (Not to be confused with the Epic Nose Pick):  I come home from work Friday night and Chuck is conducting a full on investigations.  Turns out there was a poop on the living room floor.  No one is claiming ownership of it.  I know for a fact it was not me...I was at work.   I think we can safely rule out Chuck.  He said it was not from the cats (not sure how he made that determination), both of the girls are looking him in the eye and denying it.  It has been several days now and no one has come forward.  I think that will become a cold case and will remain unsolved.

The Epic Nose Pick:  Driving home and Anna was going to town.  She was getting so frustrated because she had a "booger up high"...she tried everything to no avail.  She persevered and after a good half hour of hard work she was triumphant.  She was so proud of herself!  Again, my children are exceptionally average, but man, if nose picking were an Olympic Sport Anna would take the gold every time!!!

Getting called out:  Driving home the girls were fighting non stop.  I had it!!  I told both of them I was going to throw their crackers out the window if they didn't stop.  Without missing a beat Sara pipes up with, "Mom, you know that is littering".  I thought Chuck was going to go off the road he was laughing so hard.  I just sat down and let them fight it out.  There was no way I could win that one.

Wipe out:  So I take the day off from work on Sunday to go to a surprise party for a dear friend.  I have one of the cute tops I got recently.  My fake tanner is looking just right and I am having a good time.  No kids, had a ride home so I have a drink.  Feeling good.  I head out of the bathroom and an old co-worker (haven't seen her in about 7 years) pulls me aside.  I have a huge piece of toilet paper stuck to me.  Not a problem, I reach down to my shoe to pull it off.  Not there?  Huh?  Oh no my friends...it was stuck to my butt, trailing behind me.  It had to be at least 3 feet long.  That is AWESOME!!!  If you know me personally you know that I have the sense of humor of a 12 year old boy.  I loved it!!!  But....I know what size toilet paper I use.  I never take a piece that big...it was at least 3 feet.  So that begs the question?  If it wasn't mine where the hell did it come from?    GROSS!!!!!! 

Sunday Night Sex Ed:  Since I wasn't home all day I told Sara she could stay up a little late.  We put Frozen Planet on.  Well, 4 minutes in, yes at 8:04 it happened.  The polar bears have sex.  Great, Sara was so sweet, "Oh look mom the boy is hugging the girl".  Nice out.  Then I decide to keep my hand on the remote.  A bunch of wolves get a bison.  I know what is coming next, I know Sara and her nightmares.  I make a parental decision ...I change the channel.  Well, she goes into a tirade "you are the baddest mom ever, I wanted to see that part...that was going to be my favorite part, I love seeing dead animals, blood and bones".    No talking her down.  So wouldn't you know at bedtime she said to me, "Mom what if I dream about those animals?"....again...I can never win.

So now you are all caught up to what has been happening in the life of a min van mom.  I would have had this out sooner...BUT.....it took me forever to clean those flippin' tub crayons off of the bathroom tiles. I tried several different cleaners...I finally had to mix Comet and 409 into a paste and it literally took me 2 hours to scrub it off!!!  Great Friday treat!

Hope you all had a nice weekend.




Thursday, March 15, 2012

Busy day

Sorry, another day without a post.  Busy day today.  I am volunteering in Sara's classroom today...Chuck is going to playgroup with Anna.  I am sure both of those will give a lot of content for tomorrow's blog.  Remembering back to the last time I volunteered in Sara's class....the assistant got a call that someone died and she left.  The teacher got called down to the office and left (never telling me)  I turn around and noticed I am sitting alone at circle time with a group of little ones staring at me confused and Sara sitting their with a huge grin as proud as can be.  It was the longest 10 minutes...today can only be better...right?

Then grabbing the kids lunch at the Mass Pike McDonald's...I know gross, right?, but they are so excited for that, dropping the kids off, spending the day in town with Chuck and getting my hair cut in the evening.   Not just any hair cut...one with the AMAZING Cathy B.!!! I have tried over the years and with each move to find someone comparable closer to where I live but no such luck.  Cathy...I am coming home!!!! Get your lighters out...I feel a Peter Cetera song coming on...."After all these stops and starts we keep coming back to these two hearts..."  A good stylist is hard to find...they are more than someone that cuts your hair a few times a year, they are more like a therapist. Cathy knows all my secrets, she knew about Anna before anyone else (except Chuck), she hid my bald spots on my wedding day, put me in my place when I suggested a perm a few years back and  she refrains from commenting when I color my own hair and come out looking like the modern day incarnation of Gene Simmons.  She is a true professional. 

I promise I will have something good tomorrow!


Tuesday, March 13, 2012

I was an awesome mom...before I had kids.

Seriously.  I was.  I knew it all.  I had the whole list of "My kids will never_________", and "My kids will always_________".  I would listen to parents talk about their kids and think "Oh my God, those parents stink".  Well...guess what?  I must stink too.  I was reminded of that last night when I was having a conversation about some of the crazy stuff we have said to our kids.  Let's take a look at the list of "absolutes" I had in my head pre-children.

#1.  My kids will never go out of the house disheveled.  TRUTH:  It is rare that my children go out of the house photo ready.  There are many reasons; running late, don't feel like fighting with them, trying to foster independence and they pick something ridiculous...take your pick.  The other day in particular stands out.  Super Tuesday.  I love election day to me it is like Christmas eve...so full of promise.  I go to put the coats on and I couldn't find them.  Then I remembered they were in the dryer.  Ran downstairs to get them and they were soaking wet.  A little miscommunication.  I communicated to Chuck the night before that the laundry needed to be put in the dryer.  He missed it.  Running late like always I grabbed two hand me down coats that were way too big, 4 mismatched gloves and two hats about 3 sizes too small.  And off we went.  People all through the polling place were staring.  I am delusional thinking they are all pondering how I am a great mom, you know teaching my girls this all important civics lesson on the importance of voting and making your voice heard especially as women.  As we were walking out I caught a glimpse of us in the glass doorway...I now understood all the stares.  My children looked like hobos.  All that was missing was a patch of mud on their cheeks and their handkerchief on a stick....

# 2.  I will never make threats I am not willing to follow through on.  TRUTH:  For the most part I am really good at this.  I have certain expectations of my children and there are consequences for infractions.  I am not talking water-boarding or anything but if you misbehave at the store you will not get a candy bar at the checkout line.  That type of stuff... so it is not often that I make outrageous threats but I am not going to lie when it happens....IT HAPPENS!  Back to Super Tuesday.  After voting Anna refused to get into her car seat and threw a fit, so not only does she look homeless, it looks and sounds as if I am trying to steal this homeless kid.  I did it, I put my phone on speaker and called Santa.  Christmas was off if she could not get into her seat by the count of three.  Thankfully Santa answered the phone and Anna quickly got into her seat by about 2 and a half.  That is not the worst of it.  I think this next one is my all time best.  It involves Scott Brown, pizza and a random driveway.  Intrigued?  Well, we were driving home one day and Sara is famous for asking a million questions in the car.  This trip was no exception.  She then starts asking questions about Scott Brown.  It was right around his election (for those of you not from MA he was the candidate who won the Senatorial seat after Ted Kennedy died.  I listen to talk radio so Sara had heard his name a lot) so she asks me what he has in his house.  I said, I don't know probably a couch, tv, etc, etc.  Well she asks me if he has pizza in his house.  I said probably, most people like pizza I am sure he has one in his freezer.  Well that answer was not good enough, she starts yelling, demanding a better answer.  I tried to talk her down but no such luck.  I then pulled into a random driveway, said I am sure the mommy in this house is a better mom than me and knows all about Scott Brown.  Let me go knock on the door and see if you can live with her family.  That stopped her in her tracks.  She was quiet the rest of the ride home.

Along those same lines she was complaining about Anna, saying she didn't want to be her sister anymore.  I tried all of the usual rhetoric as to why Anna was an important member of our family...blah, blah, blah.  Finally I got Anna's coat and diaper bag, when Sara asked where we were going I told her we were going to see Dr. Kathy (My OB) to give Anna back.  For the record, Anna was too young to understand what was going on.  So she was not scarred for life.  I am sure she will end up in therapy at some point, just not for this event.

#3.  My children will never sleep in our bed.   TRUTH:  We succumbed.  I am lucky in that my kids never fight us at bed time.  They go right in to their room, climb into bed and fall asleep pretty quickly.  They are typically asleep by 8:15.  Staying asleep was an issue for Sara.  Starting around 15-18 months old she would wake up dozens of times a night.  We tried everything!!!  And I mean everything!!  I even took a week off, rolled my sleeves up and tried the whole "crying it out" BS.  The first night she cried for about an hour and a half.  The next night it got worse...she didn't fall asleep faster, the little bugger gained stamina and stayed awake longer!!!  After 7 days we gave up.  Turns out my little baby was having night terrors.  Chuck spent the next year and a half sleeping on the couch with her.  She finally graduated into bed with me for a while until she outgrew the night terrors.  99.9% of the time they both sleep through the night now.  YAY!!!  It only took 4 years.  Sometimes I want to punch  all the new moms in the face that brag their 5 week old is sleeping through the night.  I wish I could secretly add caffeine to their bottles.  See how much they brag on 1.5 hours sleep a night...

#4.  I will always provide well balanced meals for my children.  TRUTH:  Again, for the most part I follow through with this but there has been more than one occasion I am just too tired to make breakfast.  So on those days we have "silly" breakfast.  It may be a ding-dong or cookies.  I do at least try and fake it when I send Sara in with her snack for preschool, but lately she wants Pringles.  I gave in and got a big box of the snack packs.  I can just imagine what her teacher thinks of me.  Last week she had her first homework assignment.  Someone had to read 3 books to her and write down the name and author.  Fine, we read a ton of books.  Of course, she insists on including Walter the Farting Dog as one of her books (Thanks Lisa C.) that coupled with the Pringles will probably get me a red flag next to my name on the PTA list.  On a side note I was a wicked nerd when she started school and I would put a note in her lunch box everyday...I would have a knock-knock joke on it.  After a few weeks she told me to stop I was embarrassing her.  She is four.  What does she know about embarrassment?  Just wait till middle school my friend, just wait....
 
#5.   I will never curse in front of my children.  TRUTH:  Sh*t, that one went out the window years ago.  I know it is not right and I should have better control but sometimes it just happens.  For instance when Sara was just about 3 I was pulling out of my driveway.  Let me set the scene...Our driveway is pretty steep, on a curve and there are some bushes that more often than not are overgrown so there is a huge blind spot.  Just as I pulled out a huge truck comes out of nowhere, I slam on the brakes narrowly missing the truck..  I yell "those f*cking bushes".  Well, Sara with her little bean face and cute voice pipes up with, "Mommy, what happened to the f*cking bushes?"...she asked about those "f*cking bushes" for a good year and a half.

Turns out I am just like all other parents out there that have gone before me.  I had this ideal of what I though the perfect parent should be...never truly understanding the reality of the day in and day out.  I never had any crazy ideas like not getting an epidural during labor or using cloth diapers but I did have the bar raised pretty high.  But you know what? If sneaking under the bar every now and then instead of hurdling over it keeps a bit of your sanity intact I say start crawling!

Monday, March 12, 2012

A "Very Special Episode" of Tales of Mini Van Mom

Remember growing up if a TV show wanted to tackle a serious subject they would always dub it a "very special episode"?  Different Stokes and Facts of Life were famous for it.  There would be no canned laughter and the ending always faded to black.  Well, this is a very special blog post.

Today I am remembering a very special girl who I had the privilege of working with years ago.  Her and her family had such an impact on me and influenced how I interact with the children and families I serve.  I am a better clinician for knowing them.

I know that this blog is dedicated to my tongue and cheek look at motherhood.  However crazy my life gets I would not change it for anything!!  Before my girls go to bed EVERY night I tell them that I am so lucky to be their mom and that with all the kids in the world somehow I got the best two.  And I mean it!  I am so very lucky.  Working in a Pediatric Emergency Room, a homeless shelter and most recently an intensive care unit I have seen first hand that tomorrow is promised to no one.  So take a moment today and tell the children in your life how much they mean to you...you won't regret it.  I promise.

Tomorrow back you your regularly scheduled blog.




Sunday, March 11, 2012

Sisterly Love


These are real fights that I have had to referee this week alone;

**  Riding in the car we saw a construction site on the left side.  That is Anna's side.  Sara commented on one of the trucks.  Anna went ballistic because it was her side and Sara can't look out of it.  This lasted a good 10 minutes.  Apparently the rule is you can only look out of your own window.  This reminded me of all the fights over the holidays over who had more Christmas lights out of their car window.  It got so bad I would not drive with them after dark.

**  Sara does not like playing with "dufusses".  I guess Anna is one and Sara refused to play with her this morning.  Anna was screaming "I am not a dufus, I am Anna"...which just egged Sara on.

**  Sara also hit the "I am not touching you" as she is within millimeters of Anna stage this week.  I am hoping this is short lived.

**  Anna got mad at me because I would not give her cookies for breakfast, I know, I know I am a terrible mom.  Well, she threw an all out tantrum yelling that she was "super Mahhhhdd and that she was going to run away".   I offered to pack her bag but she didn't take me up on the offer.  She only got as far as the TV room where she got distracted by Diego and decided to stay.

**  Sara was mad at Anna for not wanting to crawl on the floor like a puppy.  How do I know Sara was mad?  She broke out her list of, "I am mad at Anna, I don't like her, I don't love her and I don't want to be her big sister anymore"...you know Sara means business when she spouts off her list.  I offered to bring Anna back to Dr. Kathy (my OB) and Sara said OK.

** Last night was movie night.  The girls were all settled with their popcorn and drinks.  I was snuggled up on the couch.  I hit play and all hell broke loose.  Anna insisted on turning the big, overhead light on.  Sara wanted it off.  They went back and forth turning it on and off.  Anna is pretty scrappy, she may be young but she will NEVER back down.  Of course MY drink ends up on the floor.  Anna thought the movie was boring, in her defense it was.  She would not stop talking and that made Sara mad.  So she would not stop yelling at Anna telling her she was ruining the movie.  This morning when Chuck was asking the girls about their night Sara was dropping the dime on Anna saying that she "makes movies bad" and that she is never going to watch another one with her again.  For the record, they are in the TV room right now snuggled on the couch together watching a movie.   (As an aside...Sara asked me why people blame someone else when they are the ones that really do it.  I told her sometimes it is hard to take responsibility for something that may not be right or nice.  She told me sometimes she likes to blame Anna for things that she does.  I guess Sara was paying closer attention to me than I thought....ooops!)

**  Last but not least as I was walking up the walkway from grocery shopping the other night.  I could hear the screaming before I got in the door.  The girls were in the tub having a battle royale.  Anna was screaming because she wanted to touch Sara's boobies.  Sara wouldn't let her and poured water on Anna's head.  This battle lasted for a while because neither was backing down.  I finally had to just take them out of the tub and give them popsicles to calm down.


As I write this I hear Sara talking to Chuck listing why she doesn't want Anna to be her sister anymore.  It has something to do with licking the pancake bowl.  It is going to be a long day.  Thank God I am heading to work.

Oh, for those of you the have been following my posts...Erin Time was a dud last night.  The girls went to bed, Chuck was out for the night and I had the house to myself.  I sat on the couch to contemplate what to do with my time and sure enough I dozed off at 9:15...my how times have changed.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

It's Erin Time!

I hope you said that to yourself in MC Hammer's voice.  Sadly, "Erin Time" has gone the way of the 90's pop icon and faded away into the sunset.  The glory days of going out with my friends for dinner or drinks after work, or spending the afternoon getting my hair done are over.  My social outings now consist of appointments and boring errands.

Take for example Thursday evenings. Remember when they were called Thirsty Thursday?   I now spend my Thursday evenings at Market Basket.  This is after I spend my equally exciting Wednesday evenings making my grocery list and scouring the online coupons for hours so I can save $4.37 each week.  After my awful experience at MB a few weeks ago (many of you may remember from my Facebook rant) I am able to show my face again and shop without a baseball hat and sunglasses.  I do stand by my idea the Department of Children and Families should have a satellite office in Market Basket.  Again, it would save a ton of paperwork actually witnessing the incidents that cause parents to abandon their children in the produce aisle.  Another idea I may suggest to MB is adding a slight tranquilizer to the bakery cookies they pass out to children.  It would make for a much more pleasant shopping experience for all.  However, I am holding fast to my NEVER taking them to the grocery store again!!!  Last Thursday I had to go shopping after a really long day of preschool, errands and an Ecotarium play-date.  I was starving since I went at dinner time.  I grabbed a yummy white pizza.  I immediately put it back and bought a so-so mushroom and blue cheese pizza.  The rationale behind my purchase....I was so tired and I just wanted to sit in my room, watch TMZ and eat dinner in peace.  Since I have met Sara and Anna before I knew they would come in and ask for my pizza.  Sure enough, Anna came in, took a bite, spit it out and started to cry because it was gross.  She left in disgust.  The pizza was gross, but I got 10 minutes to myself.  I am going to keep my freezer stocked with that pizza from now on.

I knew having children would limit my "me" time but I didn't fully understand how all encompassing it would actually be.  I am never alone.  I have to leave the door open when I take a shower to keep an ear out for the girls.  I set them up with snacks and activities but without fail about 2 minutes into my shower one of them always comes in, opens the curtain and hands me a juice box to open, or a Barbie to undress.  I DO close the door when I have to go to the bathroom.  No matter...Anna will lay on the floor outside and put her hands under the door and say, "Mommy, do you see my hands?  My hands are in the bathroom".  Or, they just talk through the door as if what they have to say is so important they can't wait the 90 seconds for me to come out.  If Dad is in the bathroom all bets are off.  They would never bother him.  I swear he could spend 4 hours in there reading Of Mice and Men completely uninterrupted.  I can't even get 2 lines into the hair dye instructions without some battle royale breaking out that needs my immediate attention. 

I have to take them to hair appointments...FYI..not relaxing!!!  I have had to take them to almost every doctors appointment I have had since they came along.  Even the gynecologist which is uncomfortable on a good day, a million times worse when you have an audience.  I did plan my dental appointment for today, a Saturday so I could go by myself and "relax".  Sad when a tooth cleaning is considered relaxation.  Of course while there the hygienist accidentally squirt me in the eye with the water gun AND I found out due to stress induced teeth clenching I have a fractured tooth and now need a crown!  Another dentist appointment?  Oh my, my social calendar is filling up fast.

So it is Saturday night and I am sitting here writing my blog while the kids are watching their shows.  Exciting I know.  But this story does have a happy ending!  I got a dress for the wedding!!!!!  I took my dad's advice and went to Dress Barn...I was a little leery at first.  He told me that he always gets stuff for my mom there, but this is not your mom's Dress Barn anymore...they have some pretty nice, trendy things there.  I got a cute black dress that I don't hate.  Yes, not hating it is my criteria.  Thank you to Bridget at the Franklin Village Dress Barn for helping me make my dress shopping experience pretty pain free.  The best part is the wedding is still 3 weeks away!!  I found it with time to spare.  Even better...Anna was not there rubbing my bum saying how soft I was.  She did however tell me a resounding "No", when I asked if she liked my new dress I was modeling when I got home.

I think later after I put the girls to bed I might put on some MC Hammer, have a glass of wine and have some Erin Time!!! 




Friday, March 9, 2012

What's in a Name?

Well, it depends on who you ask.  Some spend the entire 9 months searching for the perfect name, others just spout out the first thing that comes to mind when the baby pops out.  Working with children and families for the past 20 years I have come across some doozies.  I wish I could list them here but it would breech privacy laws, but man they would make you laugh.

Let's take the well thought out names first.  These parents put a lot of thought into their choice.  They want something unique, but not too out there that the child is ridiculed in adolescence.  It is a fine line.  Maybe they go with a family name or a name with special meaning to the couple.  Usually these kids will turn out fine.

Then there is a group of parents that like to combine parts of each of their own names.  These names are usually a little weird and don't roll off the tongue very easily.  Again, the parents did put some thought into the child's name and I think they will be ok.

The next group of names are the names that need an explanation...you know the one I am talking about..."Nevaeh, that is Heaven backwards".  I included it in quotes because EVERY time a parent says the name Nevaeh they include the "it is Heaven backwards". Like it is all one word.  Kind of like when I lived in "Dorchester, oh".  (Said with a tilt of the head).  Whenever I would tell someone I lived in Dorchester I would automatically get a tilt of the head and a sad "Oh", like the felt bad for me for living there.  Little did they know I was paying good money there and it was one of my all time favorite apartments.  But, I digress...the parents that name their child Nevaeh think it is unique and special.  Really, it is pretty common these days.  It was unique when the lead singer from a Christian rock band talked about his daughter Nevaeh on an episode of MTV cribs years ago.  That was a well thought out, meaningful name for his child.  Which brings me to another MTV reference...ever since Teen Mom and Teen Mom 2 have debuted I have noticed a surge in the names Bentley and Jace in our playgroups.  That show is wrong on so many levels which I will get into another day.  But somehow I know the babies names from that show...it is one of my guilty pleasures.  Wonder what Snooki will name her kid...DTS?  That's STD backwards..

The next group of names you can file under the"I don't really give a sh*t" category.  These are the kids on the playground that answer to "baby boy" or "pretty girl"...you think that is a nickname but those are their proper, given names.  It is like the registrar comes into their hospital room asking what the child's name is and they are like....ummm, ahhh, I am gonna go with baby boy.  They are just too busy to put much thought into it. They have more important things to do then name their kid...don't want to miss the DNA results on Maury....I do worry about these kids....they are the ones that fall through the cracks...

The last group are the ones that should come with an automatic report to DCF.  There are a couple of names that should trigger a red flag in the system.  The two that stick out are any incarnation of the name Jayden (Jaedin, Jadon, Jay-dun, Jaidyn, Jaydin...both male and female versions) and Damien.  Once these children are born the birth certificate lady at the hospital should file a 51-A report at the same time.  Nothing good ever comes from these names.  These are the kids in the playgroups or on the playground that are always causing trouble and throwing rocks.  I am sorry if I have offended anyone with this last statement.  Just an FYI though, if DCF has not already been involved with you I am pretty confident a visit from a state worker is in your future.

So you have your first baby and you find the perfect name for them.  Life is good.  Then the second baby comes along and is the same sex as your first.  CRAP!!  What do you do?  You have already used up your favorite name.  Sadly, just like every other area in their life the 2nd kid gets second best.

We went with Sara for our first child.  Simple, classic and pretty.  I have always loved that name and years ago I heard someone use the nickname Sari for it.  I loved it.  We tried that for a bit, but it didn't stick.  Our Sara is more a Sarita.  A bit more spicy.

Our second child was also a girl.  We went with Anna.  Again, simple, classic and pretty.  I know, I know, the kids will call her Anna Banana when she gets to be school aged.  Not to worry, we already call her that ....wanted to toughen her up.  Plus, she is a banana.  Funny how kids kind of adapt to their names.

Lately, at playgroup I just silently shake my head when I hear some of the names these poor kids are burdened with.  But who knows, maybe with all the "unique" names out there that will become the norm and my kids will stand out for their "weird" names.

Poor Anna will have to explain her name and introduce herself as "Anna...that is Anna backwards..."