Wednesday, August 22, 2012

We the People...

We the people, in order to form a more perfect family, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for  our family.

So we held a family meeting the other day.  It has been about a year since the last time we convened.  The last time was a bit of a disaster...Anna sat straight faced, all the while farting through the entire meeting.  Sara was so upset by Anna's lack of civility that she added "No farting during family meetings" to our list of family rules.  We have the picture to prove it.  Fast forward a year and our latest family meeting.   The meeting was Sara's suggestion.  As I was putting her to bed she told me that she didn't think it was fair that Chuck and I get to make all the rules and they have to follow them.  So I thought for a minute and I realized that she was right.  It was a bit of a dictatorship within our home.  I told her that we could all sit down in the morning and have a family meeting to come up with some solutions that would make everyone happy.  I told her to think about it over night and get back to me in the a.m.  Off to sleep she went...and boy could I see the wheels turning in her head as she drifted off...

Just to set the stage, Sara's discontent with the rules came from an incident that happened earlier that day.  I made the girls a nice, well rounded, fun and nutritious lunch.   Surprise, surprise...they didn't eat it.  I am so sick of wasting food.  That is one of the things that bothers me to no end.  There are so many hungry children in this world and I have kids that waste food without a thought.  I know that is a huge global life lesson and is beyond their developmental level of understanding.  However, I dug my heels in and took a stand.  I asked 3 times if they were sure that they were done..all 3 times they rolled their eyes and said yes.  So I had them clear their plates and they went off to play.  Not 2 minutes later they came in and asked for a snack.  I told them that if their bellies were too full for lunch then they were too full for a snack.  They protested.  I reminded them that I asked 3 times if they were done and reminded them that they very clearly told me they were.  I then told them that they would have to wait until dinner...no snacks.  That was going to be 3.5 hours.  Not a huge gap of time, but enough time for them to feel hungry.  I wanted to teach them a life lesson.  Keep in mind these 2 are grazers.  They would snack all day long if they could.  A while back we had to implement a snack ticket system to keep their snacking at bay.  They are allotted a pre-set number of snacks for the day.  They then need to "buy" their snack with a snack ticket (a raffle ticket).  This is in an effort to teach them about pacing themselves, delayed gratification, the value of "money" and healthy eating habits.

So, they did not like my plan at first.  They whined and carried on but then they got involved with an activity and forgot all about it.  I did allow them to have drinks...I am not a total jerk...and they did each have a yogurt smoothie which could be counted as a snack on a technicality....About 25 minutes before dinner they caught me in my room eating some almonds.  In all fairness to me I DID eat my lunch so I could have a snack.  Well, that pissed them off to no end.  Chuck comes in and Anna (2 years old) rats me out telling her daddy that "mommy won't give us any food...we couldn't eat anything for hours"...OK, so that was the truth but she kind of left out a huge piece of the story.  I filled him in on what was going on, made him promise not to cave the last 15 minutes while dinner was cooking and off I went to Market Basket.  He held up his end of the bargain and guess what?  They ate their entire dinner.  Life lesson learned?  Check?  This will come back to bite me in the ass the next day.

Back to the family meeting...So we all gather round the kitchen table.  Sara wants me to get everyone up to speed as to why she wants the meeting.  Then I ask her what rules she opposes.  She does not like the fact that Chuck and I tell them when they go to bed.  They think they should get to decide.  I thought about it and I decided that they should be able to decide when they go to bed.  "OK girls, you are right, you can decide when you are ready for bed.  You can pick anytime to go to bed in between Seven-four-five and eight-one-five" (7:45-8:15).  That is democracy parenting style...allow them to get YOUR way, all the while thinking they are getting THEIR way.  They agreed to that new ruling. For the record that was their pre-existing bedtime.  Sara was drunk with power by now.  So she then tells us she thinks that they should get a snack with lunch (and then very quickly added and with breakfast and dinner too!).  So again, I let them get "their" way and said that if they ate their whole sandwich/bowl of cereal/etc. they could have a snack with it.  Typically I make their lunch with 2 "sides".  I am just going to withhold a side and give it to them as a snack and that is going to make me a hero.  Psychological mind games with the preschool set is so in my wheelhouse.  Chuck did propose that we have a dessert every night after dinner.  The girls thought that was the best rule of all.  I think I may follow Alcina's family rule of one night a sweet for dessert, the next night fruit.  I always thought that was sensible.  I am just going to have to make the fruit look "fun" so I don't get the stink eye from my 3 housemates. 

Chuck added a rule; that the girls be just as nice and listen to him as well as they do to me.  I also told them that I was not going to nag them all day about picking up their toys.  They would just need to make sure they were picked up before bed time.  Sara and Anna agreed to our rules.  Somehow though, we are expected to follow their addendum's to our house rules but they have not been pulling their weight.  Funny...didn't see that coming!

So back to the no snacks until dinner biting me in the ass.  So I came home from work the other night.  I get home at 7:30 and hadn't had anything to eat since about 12:30.  I was ready for dinner.  Anna asks me to read her a story.  I tell her I will read 1 book and then I am going to have dinner.  Sara comes along just as I finish the book, she asks me to read one.  I tell her the same thing.  I will read you 1 book and then I am going to have dinner.  She then starts in with I play with Anna all the time and not her, etc. etc.  I explain that I haven't had anything to eat since lunch and I really need to have dinner.  She didn't care. I told her that when we had lunch together that was the last time I got to eat something, but she got to have snacks, dinner and dessert.  To which she responds, "mom, now you know how we felt when you wouldn't let us eat any food.  It doesn't feel too good, does it?".  Touche Sara, touche.


Wednesday, August 15, 2012

The Joys of Motherhood...

Being a mom is amazing.  I love my girls more than I ever thought possible.  That being said, today sucked.  I am going to go out on a limb here and say that it actually sucked ass.  Yup, I said it.  There was nothing joyful about my day today.  Let me take you through the past 15 hours...

It all started when I woke up at 5:30.  Wait, let me rephrase that...it all started at 5:30 am when Anna came in to my bed with me...I am rephrasing because to say "woke up" one would have had been asleep.  I was not.  Sara slept with me in my bed last night.  Again, I should rephrase...she did not sleep "with" me because I did not sleep.  Instead she slept next to me while I lay awake staring at the clock as my opportunity to sleep ticked away.  Sara's 3 foot, 34 pound body takes up more room in a bed than a 450 pound sumo wrestler.  I have no idea how that is possible but it is true.  Why was she sleeping with me?  Oh, that is easy.  She has not pooped in almost 2 weeks, so she is miserable, uncomfortable and loud.  Didn't want her to keep Anna up too.

So back to Anna coming in my room.  She does that every morning and it is usually the best part of my day.  She comes in without saying anything and just snuggles a bit and falls back asleep for a while.  She is so cozy and snugly.  Well this morning she was pissed that Sara was already in bed with me.  So she voices her protest and now everyone is awake.  AWESOME!!!  So the whole a.m. routine starts 2 hours early.  Breakfasts to make, diapers to change, etc. etc.   Just to mix it up a bit we are hit with an awful thunderstorm.  So Anna is up my ass for the next hour and a half.  But she is 2 that is expected.  The friggin new cat Lucy was terrified and would not get off of Sara, so she is miserable from being full of sh*t and now the cat is clinging to her for dear life.  So Sara is crying and the cat is meowing.  It is only 8 a.m!

The storm passes and we move on.  Meanwhile I have given Sara, Anna and Sara&Anna combo 4 tubs so far.  Sometimes Sara is able to make some "progress" while in the tub.  But if she is going to poop in there Anna can't be in with her.   I guess she could but that is just gross.  I am sure Anna pees every time they are in the tub but since I can't actually see the pee I have no proof therefore I pretend it doesn't happen.  Poop is harder to ignore.  Since they are little girls and since we have already established that poop is gross I have to bleach the tub down after every tub.  If any of you have been to my house you know how tiny my bathroom is. The act of properly bleaching it down is a Cirque du Soliel side show.  No real progress has been made.

In between Sara's screaming and sitting on the floor shaking fits I have made breakfasts/played Barbies and started cooking lunch.  It is only 10:45 a.m!

For the most part my girls are very nice to each other, they really look out for each other.  Anna heard Sara crying a few times and would bring her something special.  I praised her up and down for being such a nice sister (because if you have read some of my previous posts you know that depending on her mood Anna can turn on a dime and be mean to Sara).  I think Anna liked the attention and kept bringing Sara a ton of gifts.  She would come in and look at me with a smirk before handing it to Sara.  Sara was getting pissed...all of these presents were taking up her personal space and she could not rock in the fetal position any more.  So she yells at Anna and Anna gets mad and tells her to go away, she doesn't want to hear her baby cry anymore.  Now the gloves are off and they are just going after each other.

So I serve lunch that no one eats.  So I finally get a minute to sit down to eat my lunch (which is actually breakfast that I never got to) and Sara starts crying that she needs to take another tub.  I ditch my breakfast/lunch and fill the tub.  She gets in, I sit down, take 1 bite and she is crying to get out.  Meanwhile Anna is playing Barbies again and wants me to play.  I can't go any longer than 2 minutes at a time because I have to go console Sara who is pretty much in labor at this point.  So Anna gets mad at me for not playing Barbies and she boos me.  Yes, my 2 year old boos me.  It is her new go to when she is mad at me.  She sounds kind of like the old lady that boos in the Princess Bride.  BOOOO!   BOOO!  BOOO MOMMY!!!  So I am sitting with Sara and then Anna falls off of her tricycle.  Yes, she was riding her trike in the house.  We live on a busy street and they really like to ride their bikes so we let them ride around the house.  It is actually a good way to get them to clean up...they ride through a room and put any toys they find in the bike's basket and drive it to where it belongs.  But I digress...I go give Anna a snuggle since she was hurt.  Now Sara is pissed and throws a silver bracelet thing at me.  Absolutely unacceptable.  So she goes right to time out.  Turns out impossible to enforce since she is on the verge of delivering a monster poop and screams out in pain in increasingly frequent intervals.

I am proud to announce that at 2:31 this afternoon Sara gave birth to a 2 foot long crap.  It was an uneventful water birth.  Both Sara and the turd are doing well.  So Sara gets out of the tub with an incredible spring in her step.  I am left to dredge the tub.  Sadly, that is not the worst thing that will happen to my hands today.  The joys of motherhood!!!  I bleach it down for the 5th time today.

We move on with our day.  What exciting things did we do?  Oh, the girls played on the computers and I got to pick up the house which had been neglected all day.  So needless to say no Silver Fox today.  A day without Anderson Cooper is a day not truly lived.  Thank God for his 10 p.m. show on CNN.

So the house is picked up, dinner is cooking and I work on a batch of Gazpacho for tomorrow.  Don't worry...I have washed/sanitized my hands at least 10 times over before I started cooking.   The gazpacho came out delish by the way.  However...my hands did not fair so well.  For the past 2 hours they have been burning thanks to the jalapenos that I chopped.  I actually have been holding ice cubes in my hands for about an hour to no avail.  I have to stop typing every few minutes to cool them off.  I am dreading the minute I feel like I have to pee.  That will top off my perfect day...setting my ass on fire...

So I put Sara to bed and I am about to climb down the bunk bed ladder....yes, I sit with her until she falls asleep...don't judge.  As I turn to climb down I push the blanket out of the way.  Turns out Lucy that friggin cat was curled up in it, she yells at me and takes a swipe at my hand.  It took all my strength not to throw her off the top bunk.  If Sara didn't love her so much she would have been back at the shelter months ago.

Now I am just sitting in the dark writing my blog.  The only relaxation I have had all day...

What makes this day more annoying is that we were invited to a playdate with someone I have been trying to meet up with for a while.  I really wanted to go.  I knew when I had children that they would always come first.  I get it...there are going to be things I have to miss out on...but come on..Somehow whenever I have something I really want to do Sara is in the middle of one of her shit storms.  I made the mistake of going to a cookout during Sara's first clean out.  I was naive.  I had no idea what I was in for.  Well...a brief synopsis...3 hours and 27 diapers later I felt like I had a 40 minute window to pack her up and drive home before round 2 hit.  I can just imagine the conversation that was had when we left the party that day.  It is said that on very hot days you can faintly smell molasses in Boston from the great molasses flood of 1919.  I am sure the same holds true at Helene's house...The folklore goes; on hot summer days you can still smell a faint odor of poop wafting through the air.  Lesson learned after that day and when we are in clean out mode we hunker down in the house until the storm passes.  No matter what the social engagement.  I had to pass up an invitation to Mallorca for Caty and Joaquin's wedding.  I know it is always the right thing to do...my child comes first but it still stinks (pun intended) to have to live my life around a 4 year olds bowel habits.

I know I have mentioned this in a previous post but I would make and awesome doula.  I can support someone through the birthing process like nobodies business.  Sara and I work on breathing techniques, distraction techniques and use guided imagery to get the job done.  On the outside I am calm and supportive but on the inside I am screaming "just sh*t! just push it out already!!"  But I guess all is well that ends well.  Sara is sleeping comfortably...resting up for the squirts that will inevitably be around all day tomorrow.  Come on, you fill a 34 pound little girl with that much EX-Lax and Mira-Lax what do you think will happen once the plug is gone?

Oh, I almost forgot that today Ann decided she wanted to wear underwear.  Which is fine, but she doesn't get the concept that she is not supposed to pee in them.  She pees her pants and gets so exited that she peed.  I usually have a ton of patience with toilet training but not today.  Diapers were back on after the first pee accident.

So thank you for listening to my overtired rant and for the record Sara is followed by a wonderful Pediatric Gastroenterologist and we are following the proper treatment protocol for her...just a frustrating day for me.

Sunday, August 5, 2012

The horse has left the barn...

I think for the most part we are a pretty simple family. Nothing extravagant going on here.  Practical clothes, practical cars, etc. etc. We have never really been into technology.  I have a very simple cell phone, it is one of those pay as you go ones.  I don't text and it drives me insane when people are texting constantly.  Really?  Are you really texting something so important that it can't wait until after dinner or our actual face to face conversation is over?  I bet that the text goes something like this;  WTF?  LOL!!  ROFLMA!!  I could see why that is so pressing and needs to be addressed immediately.  However, just not my cup of tea.  Any of you that have had the pleasure of working with me know that I am terrible with the computer and anything technological.  When in a fit of technologically induced rage I yelled "I hate technology!"  Chuck added, yeah, well it hates you too.  That about sums it up.  That is until Friday evening...I didn't know it then but one tiny thing was about to change our lives...

Ladies and gentleman I give you the Ipad.  I got one for work.  I thought it would be a nice tool to use with the long term, chronic babies we have.  Maybe have some soft music playing with scrolling pictures of their families or of baby animals.  I am not quite sure how I am going to use it, but I figured Ipads are all the rage in the Child Life Community...I need to stay relevant.  So my boss brought one over for me.  He knows that I am terrible with anything that involves the internet, downloads and apps.  I actually had to ask what an "app" was.  He suggested I take it home, look it over, play around with it, figure it out.  He said to have my kids play with it to see what games they like, etc.  My plan was to play around with it after they went to bed.  I came in, they saw the box and the girls and Chuck wanted to see what it was all about.

It is now Sunday evening and I think Anna the two year old has logged over 43 hours on the thing.  Within 5 minutes of playing with it she knew how to access the games she wanted, switch to a new game adjust the volume, etc. etc.  On the other hand I just today realized that there was an on/off switch.  I would just put it away in the box while it was still on.  Every time I would get it out again it was off so I thought that was all I needed to do.

Since there is only 1 Ipad and I have 2 children it has caused many, many fights.  Anna will play with it for 2 hours, Sara will come along and ask for a turn.  She will have it for no word of a lie 30 seconds when Anna starts in with, "Sara had a long turn, when can I play with it?".  I know this because somehow they have been secretly taping their conversations on it and then replaying them.  They think it is funny to hear themselves.  I think it is very annoying because not only do I get to listen to them bicker in real time I now get to listen them bicker over and over and over again.  But, my friends that is not all that they have recorded.  Oh no ladies and gentleman, they recorded me.  WITHOUT MY PERMISSION OR KNOWLEDGE!!!  I believe that is against federal wire tapping laws.  If I wanted I could turn them in.  If they keep up the fighting there may be an anonymous call to the FBI in their future.  So I walk into the kitchen and hear myself talking, but my mouth is closed.  Of course it can't be a normal conversation they get on tape.  Let me give you a synopsis of it...Anna was fighting with Sara.  Anna called Sara a "boobie"...that is a big time swear in Anna's world.  To try to take power away from the word I say oh, good Sara is a boobie.  I like boobies.  Anna then lets loose with her equivalent of Mother F*cker..."Sara you are a big fat floppy boobie"...hmm, wonder where she got that inspiration?  Then she says adds just like mommy's boobies.  Lovely.  Not only is my two year old daughter passing judgement on my body she is doing so while being recorded.  Thank God I heard this.  Can you imagine my horror if I were to walk by a crib in the NICU and not only hear my 2 kids arguing, but invoking my floppy boobies as the mother of all swear words.  I better figure out how to delete recordings from the Ipad ASAP!!!  I am sure that is easier said than done.

Chuck has got in on the action too.  Last night I was headed to bed and I saw him on the couch with this weird, blue glow about his face.  I ask what he is doing...he has the Ipad and has found Angry Birds. I think he has a slight addiction now.  If the kids don't have the Ipad then Chuck is shooting a bird out a slingshot on it.  He has already suggested that we get the kids one for Christmas.  He has been researching these and Kindle Fire's.  I know that at some point in the near future we will be the proud owner of some type of tablet.  How do I know?  When he likes something he gets a little bit obsessive, looking them up, researching them, comparing specs, etc. etc.  That is how we ended up with a new camera (which we really didn't need...thanks Miho...he was hooked after he saw your camera), a new laptop and a chocolate fountain.  I can go along with the camera and computer...but the chocolate fountain?  It was awesome the 2 times we used it but now it is collecting dust in the basement.

So I am sure that the kids will be pulling out their lists to Santa and including an addendum listing Ipads.  Yes, it is only the first week of August and yes they have already made their lists.  That is thanks in part to my friend R.C.  The girls went for a playdate at her house and they played on one of those ride-on, electric tractors.  The whole way home Sara was begging for one.  I told her that was not a toy that parents buy, that is something she would have to ask Santa for and then he would decide.  So as soon as we walked in she grabbed some paper and a pen and starting writing.

I have kept my kids in this safe little bubble for the past 4.5 years.  But now in the course of 3 weeks my kids have been exposed to two awesomely cool things that I have fought so hard to keep a secret.  God help me when they find out that Disney is an actual place you can go to...

Thursday, August 2, 2012

I'm Back!...and I am riding in on my high horse.

I apologize for the hiatus the past couple of weeks.  The girls and I have been busy with appointments, play-dates and all around summer fun.  I am down and out with a cold today so I thought I would take advantage of the time and get back to blogging.  And like I said, I am riding high atop my high moral horse.  Generally speaking I am not a judgmental person.  As long as you are not hurting anyone else with your actions I don't care what shape or size you come in, what color you are, the language you speak or who you chose to spend your life with.  There is however, one group of people that have recently been brought to my attention whom I do feel as though I can comment on...people who willingly go on the Maury show to find their baby daddy.

Maybe I feel superior because there is absolutely no question as to my children's lineage.  I am confident in saying that on or around the time my children were conceived I did not have a laundry list of guys in and out of my bedroom.  That and the fact that Sara is an EXACT replica of Chuck and I have a picture of her coming out of my belly.  Yes!  Actually coming out of my belly.  There was some beautiful woman in the OR when I was having my c-section, she said that she would take our camera and take the very first picture of our baby.  A few hours later when we were scrolling through the pictures I was completely horrified.  There was a picture of me laying on the table with my belly flayed open, a pair of gloved hands reaching in to said belly and pulling Sara out of me!  She wasn't kidding about the first picture.  I thought she meant the one of her on the scale, not when her lower half was still inside my abdominal cavity.  But, I digress.  And if any of you have ever seen Anna in person you know she is my mini me. 

So back to the Maury show...the other day the house was clean, dinner was cooking and the girls were quietly playing.  I actually had some free time, what to do? what to do?  I didn't have any magazines, 50 Shades has been long since read and I was sick of the computer.  I decided to sit on my bed and watch TV.  I happened across channel 9 and a headline that read, "Teen mom, 3 men tested...who is the daddy?".  I was intrigued.  I put the remote down and started watching.  It was fascinating.  I remember years ago Maury would do a show about this.  He would spend the whole time talking to the girl, who insisted that she was 110% percent sure that this guy was the father and he was a jerk for denying the child.  I have a problem with anyone who goes higher than 100%...that sets the tone right there.  100% is the maximum...there is no such thing as 110%...a red flag in my book.  Anyway, Maury then would get the guys side of the story and typically the guy would deny the child and call the girl a whole host of names that rhyme with bore, ramp and rut.  Then at the last minute the results would be revealed.  If it was found in the girls favor that he was the father she would then jump up, get really close to him and scream...Thank You!  Now What? Or Told You!  Over and over without giving the guy a chance to respond.  If it was found out that he was NOT the father then the guy would jump up and down while the girl would run off the stage. Maury chasing after, comforting her telling her it was ok.  Really is it?  She would then say there may be one or two other guys that it might be.  What happened to being 110% sure?

Nowadays Maury has turned DNA testing into a cottage industry.  Instead of 1 or 2 couples per episode there are about 10.  He blows through them saving 1 couple's results for the very end...they usually have the most salacious story.  I wish I had bought stock in DNA Diagnostics.  Maury has made those people millionaires several times over.  Now I would say about 9 out of 10 shows on Maury is based on paternity.  The girls usually parade out 3 or 4 guys that may or may not be the father.  I even saw one episode where the girl was on for the 3rd time, testing the 11th guy and guess what?  He was NOT the father!  Where do these girls find enough time, not to mention enough clean sheets within the 36 hour ovulation window to "entertain" so many men?

So there is about 7 minutes left.  Enough time for a commercial break and the results from the most "interesting" couple (actually girl and 3 guys) .  As luck would have it the oven just beeped, it was preheated and ready for the garlic bread and Chuck walked in.  Awesome...I put in the entire hour and now I was going to miss the big payoff.  Chuck comes into our room, changes his clothes and catches about 30 seconds of the show.  That was enough to reel him in.  I asked him if he could put the garlic bread in the oven.  He was so intrigued by this hot mess that he waited on dinner to see the results.  Well, as luck would have it her former boyfriend was NOT the father, her current fiance was NOT the father and some random guy John was NOT the father!  She was 110% sure it was her former boyfriend's child though she wished it was her fiance's and John, the random guy was just there to make for good TV.  After chatting with Maury she let on there were a "couple" more guys it may be.  I just hope that I am around to see the follow-up episode.

My fascination with trash TV really hit a fever pitch when I was on my first maternity leave with Sara just about 5 years ago.  Maury, Steve Wilkos, etc. etc.  I never really could get into Jerry Springer though...I guess I am not as tough as I thought.  I remember that I was online looking for some onseies  for Sara and I came across one that said, "I met my daddy on Maury".  I never laughed so hard.  I thought it was one of the funnier things I have ever seen.  I really wanted to get it, but, I thought better of it....I didn't want anyone to think it was serious and that I got it as a souvenir for being a guest on his show.  It was about the same time that I discovered Nancy Grace and all of her feisty awesomeness.  I watched her every night faithfully. Listening to her dissect the tot mom case in minutia.  I have to say I really did feel vindicated for all the time I put in when I saw her taken from her home and arrested live on TV.  Plus, Nancy is my friend.   She says "Good night friend" to me every night.  I am tempted to send in some pictures of me and the kids for her Nancy Grace Family Album.  I want her to see the junior crime fighters I am raising out here in suburbia.  I would love to hear her say, "and a very special happy 40th birthday to Erin"...it would be like a dream come true.

The past five years my taste in talk shows has evolved.  I am still an avid Nancy Grace fan...but instead of Steve Wilkos and Maury when I have a minute I now watch Wendy Williams, and yes, she is a friend in my head.  TMZ is another must see in my house and then there is Anderson.  Oh, my not so secret crush.  Anderson Cooper.  YUM!  He is the perfect man...impeccably dressed, handsome with his piercing blue eyes, intelligent...able to talk about the latest atrocity in Syria one minute and then dish on his ridiculoulist about a reality show character.  His giggle, his smile and to top it all off if I went to dinner with him he would be a perfect gentleman and expect nothing from me in return..wink, wink.  I hope you all aren't feeling bad for Chuck as I go on and on about my sweet Anderson.  He has his own crush too.  On Adele.  He spends a lot of time watching clips of her online and listening to her music.  Sara is in on it too.  The other day she was making out her list for Santa and she said she wanted to make sure daddy got something too (I was the one helping her with her list yet she asks for something for Chuck and not me...) anyway, she asks Santa to bring him another "Adele movie"...when she said it it sounded more like another "adult movie" and I was thinking to myself what the hell goes on here when I am at work?  But she clarified it for me.  So I guess we are both safe....I have a crush on a gay man and Chuck has a crush on a full figured British pop star...neither of us has much to worry about.  I am 110% sure about it.