No, in case you were wondering, that was not a typo. So as the mother of two, young, impressionable girls I try very hard to be a good role model to them. I try to always act appropriately in front of them with the hopes of gently guiding them so they become kind, compassionate, contributing members of society. I want them to give back, volunteer, treat others with the respect that they themselves will want to be treated with. Overall just be good people. Now, don't get me wrong...I slip up from time to time...I have been known to swear, yell, give them yodels for breakfast, explain to them why the planet Uranus is funny and let them watch questionable TV shows (Sara's current favorite is Naked and Afraid on Discovery Channel...she giggles every time she sees a butt). The one thing I am always conscience of is the fact that since I am the same sex parent to them they watch my EVERY move. I try very hard never to put myself down in front of them, call myself fat or complain about the way I look. I really want them to have a strong sense of self, high self esteem and feel they are worthy of and deserving to be in this world. I do from time to time compliment them if they look pretty, what girl doesn't want to hear that? But the majority of my compliments are about how they are a great artist, how they are doing a great job problem solving, how when they are trying to work something out in their head like spelling a new word I tell them how I like the way they are thinking...I try to always point out their strong characteristics that are really going to mean something later in life.
All that being said sometimes I hate having to be a role model. Case in point...our recent vacation. Don't get me wrong, we had a wonderful time. It was nice to get away as a family of four before the new little one arrives in 75 days from today, but who is counting? So we were heading to a beach town for a week. So that means we will be going to the beach. Which in turn means we will need to wear bathing suits. UGH!!! If you have not seen me in person lately I will let you in on a not so little secret...I am absolutely HUGE!!!!! Remember back to the last blog post regarding people commenting on my size...well, while on vacation my belly expanded exponentially!! Overnight, literally overnight, my belly grew a whole shirt size. But anyway, back to the bathing suit. I needed one. Chuck suggested I just wear shorts and a T shirt in the water. First, maternity shorts have a huge, hot belly band that comes up to my arm pits so in the hot sun that really is not practical, second, I personally think that when someone wears a t-shirt over their bathing suit in the water it draws more attention to them, not less. I am going to be drawing enough stares...I don't need to attract any more than necessary and third, and most importantly, I don't want the girls to think I am embarrassed by my body, that it was something to hide. I had a bathing suit from when I was preggo with Sara but it was pink and white flowers, with a skirt and really, really ugly. Plus, I lent it out to someone and couldn't remember who. So off I went, with the girls of course to go maternity bathing suit shopping. It is a pain to have them with me when I am shopping but the upside is they are brutally honest on how things look. So I try on about 10 swim suits, and all 10 get the thumbs down. The last one I try on, a simple black one piece with some colored strips across the top, and all 3 of us agree that it looks OK, not fantastic but OK....
So I get home and try the suit on and show my betrothed and he says, "oh, I thought you would get one with a skirt." I sigh and go change. But, I press on...spending the next few days before vaca slathering myself with Neutragenia Build a Tan so I am not shocking white. If you have never met me in real life I am white. Very much so. Years ago I worked for an agency in Roxbury, MA...I was the only white person around literally for miles. One day one of the kids said to me as he noticed blue veins underneath my skin, "you are so white you are see thru." But I digress...We get to the cottage, settle in and head to the beach. It is late in the afternoon and there are not many people left. We find a spot, set up our stuff and start playing with the girls. I casually notice that there is a blanket set up next to us. Just a blanket and 2 towels...no pails and shovels so I am thinking adults. Well a few minutes pass and there I am standing on the beach my big belly out in all its glory for the world to see. As I stand there looking at my husband and kids playing in the sand I am thinking life is good. Just as I complete that thought in my head it happens. A beautiful girl comes walking out of the surf in a string bikini. It is happening in slow motion, kind of like that slow motion movie scene where Christy Brinkley comes out of the pool looking stunningly beautiful. Yeah, it was like that. Only this girl goes one further...she is just as pregnant as I am!!! Her beautiful, smooth, taut swollen pregnant belly does not have a stretch mark on it....her boobs are big and beautiful, not droopy and discolored...I don't see any imperfection on her at all. It is as if she were there on a photo shoot for maternity swimwear. Any ounce of confidence I had goes flying out of me. Then I think to myself...yeah, but I am the real deal, I represent the average American woman. But wait, we are in Maine not the glamorous south of France...she is a real American woman too. So I resign myself to the fact that even pregnant people come in all shapes and sizes. But I did get a small sense of satisfaction when I saw her significant other...he kind of looked like Chum Lee from that pawn show...so at least I win in the significant other category.
Another unfortunate bathing suit incident happened while on vacation. We were at the pool and I got out and was drying off with my towel. This time I had on a tankini. Chuck is still in the pool and he is trying to get my attention. I have no idea what he is getting at. After a few minutes of trying to decode his mime skills I figure it out. The top of the tankini has ridden up a bit and my belly was showing. Not the pregnant part of my belly, oh no my friends, it was my skin apron. It was hanging over the top of my bathing suit bottom. It looked kind of like pasta dough as it is coming out of a pasta press....flat, pale and floppy. Chuck asked how I could not feel it...I have had 4 abdominal surgeries...it is so numb now I could probably cut it off with kitchen shears and not feel it, how was I supposed to feel it flapping in the warm summer breeze? Wardrobe malfunction at its worst!!! But through it all I let it all roll off my back and didn't let the girls in on the fact that sometimes I hate being a "roll" model....
Here are some other random thoughts and ideas...some from vacation...some just from whatever....
** So the girls have really been getting along great lately but there were a few occasions when things didn't go so well....
One morning Sara pissed Anna off and Anna declares, "you ruined my life Sara." So sad having your whole life ruined at the tender age of 3.
Another time they were fighting and again in a fit of anger Anna starts singing to Sara, "I hate you, we are never, ever, ever getting back together...like ever!" It took all I had not to burst out laughing.
I have noticed that every single roll of toilet paper we put out inevitably ends up with tiny 3 year old finger sized divets in the ends. She can not resist the urge to poke....
Oh, and last but not least...you know what makes pregnancy even better? The third heat wave of the summer!!!
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