Friday, February 21, 2014

I am Just a Pirate Without a Patch...

My right eye is stuck shut and not for the reasons you might think; pink eye, "sleep" in it or even a stye.  If it were only a stye it would make things much easier.  Yes, you read that right I would prefer a stye over my current condition.  Why a stye?  Because it would eventually go away...there would be an end in sight.  Pun intended.  My condition, sadly, does not seem to be going away any time soon.  My eye is not  stuck shut in the technical sense that it mechanically does not function.  It is stuck shut because I literally can not open my eyelid out of pure exhaustion.  I am typing this with only one working eye.  I think that is my body's way of reacting to extreme sleep deprevation.  Half of my body has shut it is the right side.  Maybe once it recoups a little bit my right eye will open and it will be my left eyes turn to get some "shut eye"...sad joke I know, but that is all I can muster at this point.

Now, I knew  having a newborn would impede my typical 4 hours of sleep each night (remember, my first born is still a bit of a train-wreck when it comes to sleeping), but she was not the original problem.  She was an amazing sleeper up until a few weeks ago.  There is someone in our family, who shall remain nameless that got sick.  Very sick.  Sick to the point that they were up coughing THE ENTIRE NIGHT STRAIGHT WITHOUT STOPPING FOR A GOOD WEEK, if not longer sick.  It was to the point that it interfered with the baby's sleep.  Because this person took such good care of me for the 15 weeks I had a festering hole in my belly I felt duty bound to take over and do it all.  This included getting up with the baby each time she awoke during the night from hearing this person cough.  It is strange where your mind goes when you are constantly 10 seconds away from falling asleep standing up.  Take for instance the early morning I was pacing around the house trying to get Em back to sleep.  I paused with her and looked out the window.  I saw all of these beautiful icicles hanging off the roof.  They were glistening in the moonlight and it got me thinking...if I took one of those icicles down and jammed it really fast into someone's body they might suffer a fatal injury, however, the icicle would melt making the murder weapon disappear taking any fingerprints with it.  Now I am not advocating homicide or anything...but just something to keep in my back pocket if this persons cough persists longer than a few more days.

So this nameless person did finally seek medical attention and they recovered.  Sadly, Emily's new habit of waking up every few hours lingered.  I think in the last 3.5 weeks I have had a solid 37 seconds sleep and what a glorious 37 seconds it was.  I think back to those precious moments with such fondness.  Now back to me and my pirate eye...It is not just the physical signs (the permanently closed eye, the dark circles, the hair falling out and the weight gain... I am blaming the weight gain on the lack of sleep...I am way too tired to cook anything so Chocolate Chex have been on the menu for all three meals for about a fortnight now...the fact that I counted a sleeve of Girl Scout Samoa cookies as a meal with one of my meds has nothing to do with the extra L.B's.) from not sleeping...there are the mental signs too.  I find it next to impossible to line of the snaps on Emily's sleepers.  Whoever first designed babies sleepers with snaps was a sadist!!  I am sure it was a man.  Poor baby is always hanging out with her jammies snapped up all askew and cockeyed.  I am constantly losing my keys lately.  There have been 2 occasions where I had to call Chuck at work and ask him if he knew where they were.  The first time I finally found them in Emily's car seat (I had put them there) and 2 days ago I called him at work and, I will admit my voice was filled with attitude and had a very accusatory tone to it.  I wanted to know if he had my keys in his pocket.  I was sure he must have put them in his coat after shoveling.  He told me he didn't have them.  He said he never even turned my car on.  I retraced my steps...I got dressed, went outside started my car so it would be warmed up, came back and started looking for my keys.  Where the hell are my keys?  It took me a good 5 minutes to realize that the keys were in my car, which I had gone out to start.  WTF?  I am losing it!!  Doesn't end there...I have forgot my lunch multiple times, I heard a noise one night and was like, "what the hell is that?" and taking a minute or two to realize we have a third kid and she is crying...I have forgot my pumping supplies on more than one occasion and I am losing days.  Generally speaking it is very rare that I know what day it is...let alone what month.  Case in point, yesterday February 20th I went to the eye doctors.  I made the appointment by the skin of my teeth because I mistakenly drove to work instead.  I bound through the door to check in.  I give them my name, she asks what time my appointment is.  9:30 I answer.  She asks me to spell my last name, L-A-V.......Huh, she says.  You have an appointment on the 20th alright, but it is March 20th...NEXT MONTH!!  I was SO embarrassed.  Thankfully they snuck me in because it turns out I need glasses.  Bi-focals to be exact.  Seriously?  I asked if they threw in a free neck chain with them.  I am too old for a newborn! 

Now as if this were not enough, Emmie has croup.  UGH!  Poor bugga!!  So she is up every hour for the past 3 nights.  At this point I could audition for the show The Walking Dead...I would be good investment for them as a cast member because they would save so much money on make-up.  I am a walking zombie.  So I finally get Emily back to sleep and I curl into bed and pull up the covers, just then Chuck calls and wakes the baby up.  I get her back to sleep and Sara comes in whining about something irrelevant, rock her back to sleep again.  Anna wanders in asking for pancakes.  There was no morning nap.  I am probably the only one in New England upset about the warmer weather today.  All of my icicles are this rate I am in need of a deep freeze...until then...

Arrgh Matey!!

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