Sunday, June 8, 2014

My double chin may quite possibly have saved my life!!

Now that is a sentence I never thought I would type.  However, it might just be true!  I am not a psychic, but, I think Emily may become a professional rock climber.   Emily is already 8 months old!!  I am throwing up a little in my mouth as I type that!!  She is no longer a newborn.  She is scooting now and pulling herself up.  She refuses to crawl though.  If put her in the crawling position she screams as if we laid her down in acid.  She does however get to where she needs to go.  Ever see a dog sit up as it drags its ass across the floor?  That is exactly how Emily chooses to get from Point A to Point B.  Good, old fashioned ass dragging.  Some may see that as lazy, I like to think my child is industrious.  Why exert extra energy when you can just cruz along and clean the floor at the same time?  I have thought of potentially Velcroing a Swiffer pad to her ass…not sure if it would technically violate any child labor laws, but, it is pretty ingenious if I do say so myself.

So back to the double chin and rock climbing....Emily is constantly on the go, she has so much to see and do.  Chuck is convinced she is on a suicide mission and we are merely pawns in trying to keep her alive.   She is a scrappy little bugga and can not stand being contained.  One of her signature moves is to crawl up you when holding her.  Much like a rock climber uses any little outcropping to their advantage and climb higher, Emmie uses any appendage or body part she can find to escape your grasp...Nose?  Sure.  Apples of your cheeks?  Fair game.  Eye lids?  Absolutely.  Last night Emily grabbed hold of my neck, right under my chin.  She wanted down NOW!  Her chubby, little infant hands had the strength of 10 babies!!  But for the grace of God and my flabby little wattle am I alive today.  Her grasp was so tight and her fingernails so sharp had I not had a little extra something, something under there she may very well have hit my carotid artery or taken out a jugular.  To think I could have bled out as she ass-scooted away to get hold of a piece of lint, or something equally important in the life of an 8 month old...just makes me shudder.  So today I will raise a Hershey Bar to my double chin and give thanks to that little fat pad for it has given a new lease on life...CHEERS!!!

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