Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Now I have seen it all!

Sorry for the huge gap in posts.  My 16 month old has turned out to be a lot of work...to put it mildly.  Now, I am not complaining...I love her more than life itself and I wouldn't trade her feisty little personality for a more docile one, but, she is a handful.  That being said, I have not had any gaps in observing this weird little thing we call life...

As you know I live in a small town out in the central part of the state.  If it were described on the news I am sure they would include the phrase "sleepy little town"...but lately I have seen a few things that have made me realize it may not be that sleepy after all.

**  Camel Tow.  No, I did not misspell "tow".  I was driving along and had to wait as a huge tow truck turned in front of me.  It was very flashy looking.  It had a cartoonish looking llama on it.  I kind of cocked my head and thought, 'why would a truck have a llama on it?'...Well, it didn't!  It was a camel!!  Huh, that was weird...then it hit me and I could not stop laughing (I do have the sense of humor of a 12 year old boy after all!).  It was Camel Tow!  Friggin Genuis!!!  So after a good 5 minutes of pure unadulterated joy I started to break this whole Camel Tow idea down.  So what was their business model?  Who is their target clientele?   Are they targeting young men?  What happens if they show up to tow away a feminist who has broken down?  Do they get turned away?  Oh, and if the business owner is a married man how did he broach that subject with his wife?  Hey hun, I have an idea for a towing company...I need to dip into our nest egg and use all of our savings...oh and I am calling it "Camel Tow"...Wonder if they are still married?  Oh, and if you are wondering there is WAY more than one tow company with this name.  I googled it and there are several search pages devoted to camel tow. 

**  OK, so now that you are back from googling 'camel tow' I had another bizarre experience the other night.  I was at Kohl's picking up a few things.  I was looking at some stuff right near the ladies dressing room when a customer came out to look for her item in a different size.  Sounds normal right?  We have all done that.  Question for you?  Have you done it in your UNDERWEAR?  I sh*t you not, this lady came out in her bra and undies!  She was wandering around the racks looking for another shirt in her underwear.  Now, as if that were not weird enough, what appeared to be her husband and kids joined in the search for the perfect top.  Not one of them said anything to her.  Like, oh I don't know, "put some flippin clothes on mom!"...not a word from any of them.  This family seemed to be of a different cultural background, however, the children spoke perfect English...so even if they were from a different country at one point, they have been here long enough to know Americans typically wear clothes while shopping in public.  Oh, and to add to it, this lady was no Victoria's Secret model...don't get me wrong, neither am I...Adam Levine won't be calling me anytime soon, but if for some god forsaken reason I decided to walk around in my underwear I would make sure I was a little closer to looking like Giselle than Mama June.  I swear to all that is holy-- I kept looking over my shoulder for John Quinones to come out and say I was on 20/20's What Would You Do?  Sadly, that never happened and I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time...and lucky me got to witness a middle aged lady, in desperate need of a wax, wandering around in her undies looking for a black shirt.  With that kind of luck maybe I should play the lottery today!

**  So I was driving to work on Sunday and was stopped at an intersection.  Something to the left of me caught my eye.  I looked over to see a young girl, probably late teens/early 20's cracking a whip.  She was out in the driveway cracking a whip.  "What the f*ck" is the first thing that came to mind...Then I wanted to know why she was spending her Sunday afternoon in the freezing cold cracking an honest to goodness real whip.  Is she a dominatrix practicing for her afternoon session?  Is she a lion tamer honing her craft?  Is she just some super-nerd acting out one of those middle earth type movies?  I will never know...there was no way I was going to stop and ask her.  Whatever the motivation behind her bizarre hobby, at least I can honestly say a whip cracker does not make for a sleepy little town!

**  My husband is NOT gay!!  No, I am not making some surprise declaration about Chuck.  That is the title of a new TLC show.  I was dozing on the couch the other night and heard a commercial for a show called; My husband is NOT gay.  I thought for sure it was a SNL spoof...but I remembered I was watching TLC and they don't advertise SNL.  So as with everything else super important in my life, I Google it.  Sure enough it is a real show about married men, that even though they say they are attracted to men claim not to be gay.    I wish I could sit here and tell you I had the will power not to watch it, but I can't.  I can pretty much bet you once it previews I will be DVRing the crap out of that and binge watching after the girls go to bed.  I wish I were making this up, but this made me say out loud, "Now, I have seen everything!"

Again, I am going to try to be better about my posts...I learned a very important life lesson yesterday...if I want to get something done, give Emily some chocolate ice-cream and I buy myself 45 minutes.  I will be stocking the freezer up right away!!  Oh, and my little blog is about to hit 25,000 page views.  I know in the blogging world that is not much, but I am kind of excited about hitting that milestone!

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