Sunday, August 5, 2012

The horse has left the barn...

I think for the most part we are a pretty simple family. Nothing extravagant going on here.  Practical clothes, practical cars, etc. etc. We have never really been into technology.  I have a very simple cell phone, it is one of those pay as you go ones.  I don't text and it drives me insane when people are texting constantly.  Really?  Are you really texting something so important that it can't wait until after dinner or our actual face to face conversation is over?  I bet that the text goes something like this;  WTF?  LOL!!  ROFLMA!!  I could see why that is so pressing and needs to be addressed immediately.  However, just not my cup of tea.  Any of you that have had the pleasure of working with me know that I am terrible with the computer and anything technological.  When in a fit of technologically induced rage I yelled "I hate technology!"  Chuck added, yeah, well it hates you too.  That about sums it up.  That is until Friday evening...I didn't know it then but one tiny thing was about to change our lives...

Ladies and gentleman I give you the Ipad.  I got one for work.  I thought it would be a nice tool to use with the long term, chronic babies we have.  Maybe have some soft music playing with scrolling pictures of their families or of baby animals.  I am not quite sure how I am going to use it, but I figured Ipads are all the rage in the Child Life Community...I need to stay relevant.  So my boss brought one over for me.  He knows that I am terrible with anything that involves the internet, downloads and apps.  I actually had to ask what an "app" was.  He suggested I take it home, look it over, play around with it, figure it out.  He said to have my kids play with it to see what games they like, etc.  My plan was to play around with it after they went to bed.  I came in, they saw the box and the girls and Chuck wanted to see what it was all about.

It is now Sunday evening and I think Anna the two year old has logged over 43 hours on the thing.  Within 5 minutes of playing with it she knew how to access the games she wanted, switch to a new game adjust the volume, etc. etc.  On the other hand I just today realized that there was an on/off switch.  I would just put it away in the box while it was still on.  Every time I would get it out again it was off so I thought that was all I needed to do.

Since there is only 1 Ipad and I have 2 children it has caused many, many fights.  Anna will play with it for 2 hours, Sara will come along and ask for a turn.  She will have it for no word of a lie 30 seconds when Anna starts in with, "Sara had a long turn, when can I play with it?".  I know this because somehow they have been secretly taping their conversations on it and then replaying them.  They think it is funny to hear themselves.  I think it is very annoying because not only do I get to listen to them bicker in real time I now get to listen them bicker over and over and over again.  But, my friends that is not all that they have recorded.  Oh no ladies and gentleman, they recorded me.  WITHOUT MY PERMISSION OR KNOWLEDGE!!!  I believe that is against federal wire tapping laws.  If I wanted I could turn them in.  If they keep up the fighting there may be an anonymous call to the FBI in their future.  So I walk into the kitchen and hear myself talking, but my mouth is closed.  Of course it can't be a normal conversation they get on tape.  Let me give you a synopsis of it...Anna was fighting with Sara.  Anna called Sara a "boobie"...that is a big time swear in Anna's world.  To try to take power away from the word I say oh, good Sara is a boobie.  I like boobies.  Anna then lets loose with her equivalent of Mother F*cker..."Sara you are a big fat floppy boobie"...hmm, wonder where she got that inspiration?  Then she says adds just like mommy's boobies.  Lovely.  Not only is my two year old daughter passing judgement on my body she is doing so while being recorded.  Thank God I heard this.  Can you imagine my horror if I were to walk by a crib in the NICU and not only hear my 2 kids arguing, but invoking my floppy boobies as the mother of all swear words.  I better figure out how to delete recordings from the Ipad ASAP!!!  I am sure that is easier said than done.

Chuck has got in on the action too.  Last night I was headed to bed and I saw him on the couch with this weird, blue glow about his face.  I ask what he is doing...he has the Ipad and has found Angry Birds. I think he has a slight addiction now.  If the kids don't have the Ipad then Chuck is shooting a bird out a slingshot on it.  He has already suggested that we get the kids one for Christmas.  He has been researching these and Kindle Fire's.  I know that at some point in the near future we will be the proud owner of some type of tablet.  How do I know?  When he likes something he gets a little bit obsessive, looking them up, researching them, comparing specs, etc. etc.  That is how we ended up with a new camera (which we really didn't need...thanks Miho...he was hooked after he saw your camera), a new laptop and a chocolate fountain.  I can go along with the camera and computer...but the chocolate fountain?  It was awesome the 2 times we used it but now it is collecting dust in the basement.

So I am sure that the kids will be pulling out their lists to Santa and including an addendum listing Ipads.  Yes, it is only the first week of August and yes they have already made their lists.  That is thanks in part to my friend R.C.  The girls went for a playdate at her house and they played on one of those ride-on, electric tractors.  The whole way home Sara was begging for one.  I told her that was not a toy that parents buy, that is something she would have to ask Santa for and then he would decide.  So as soon as we walked in she grabbed some paper and a pen and starting writing.

I have kept my kids in this safe little bubble for the past 4.5 years.  But now in the course of 3 weeks my kids have been exposed to two awesomely cool things that I have fought so hard to keep a secret.  God help me when they find out that Disney is an actual place you can go to...


  1. I was laughing so hard reading this! Kylie was 2 1/2 and she figured out how to get on Netflix and watch Dora and My Little Pony on my iPad. Then with the real computer she'd try to push on the screen to make things happen and was pissed when it didn't cooperate!

    Tell your husband to try a game called Band Together when he finally gets sick of Angry Birds.

  2. And also, don't be surprised when you catch Anna tapping the side of a picture book and wondering why the page won't turn!

  3. haha funny well if you want to make a purchase the ipad 2 is the Today Special Value on QVC lol. 5 easy payments and loads of extras haha how do i know this cause i almost bought one but i changed the channel and i still sit on the fence :).

    Good Luck

  4. Great post. We have have the Kindle Fire. Jake is asking for his own smart phone. Oh we acquired a new ride on toy that S & A will love!!


  5. Renee, you are the R.C. I am referring to in the post. Did you get another ride-on toy in addition to the tractor? They will never leave your house!