Wednesday, May 15, 2013

I am NOT Mother of the year...but I am still better than most!

How do I know that I am better than most moms?  Oh, that is an easy one.  I recently spent some time out in civilization and noticed that many parents are just mailing it in...that they really have no interest in their children at all.  Case in point...a few weeks ago I went to the Children's Museum with Anna.  Chuck took Sara out so they could do something special together...which of course was not special enough for Sara and she still is complaining about it.  Poor Chuck, he is an awesome dad and yet, Sara never cuts him any slack...but I digress...lets get back to the museum...

So Anna and I are hanging out having a blast.  Since it is just her she can go to whatever exhibit she wants and stay for as long as she wants.  No big sister telling her what she "really" wants to try out.  She was at the jumbo Light Bright for over 20 minutes...nice and relaxed trying out the clear pegs versus the opaque ones...putting them all the way in versus halfway in the home...learning all sorts of scientific lessons as she goes.  To me that is the whole idea of going to a children's or science museum; letting the children explore, experiment and learn at their own pace.  Apparantely I am completely wrong in my approach...the eitquite for interacting with your child at a children's museum is this...you rush your child over to a station shouting, "hey so-and-so, check this out!  Look what this does!" (then you show them exactly how said activity is supposed to be done, telling them the concept behind the science and then the second your child touches the activity for themselves you immediately rush them on to the next).  Turns out I am the one A-hole in the museum that actually paid attention to their child and let their child guide the visit and decide what they want to see and do.  Who knew but it turns out the complete museum experience is supposed to last 27 minutes from entrance to exit!  Anna and I stayed for about two and a half hours and I engaged her in making predicitions for the experiements, gave her time to try out the hypothesis and see what happens.  Man, am I sucker!!  I wasted two hours and three minutes!  Lesson learned for next time I suppose.  You're welcome...

So back to actually paying attention to your child...in all of the families we came across during our outing I can honestly say that beside myself there were only 2 other parents I noticed that actually had their eyes on their children.  Now, like my good friend Dawn F. says, "you don't always have to be your kids playmate!"...a sentiment that I wholeheartedly agree with.  When the girls are at home I do send them off to play together...without me.  If Sara complains that she is bored and needs someone to play with I remind her that is why we had another child...so she would always have a built in playmate.  If they are both bored and grumbling I remind them that they were born with an imagination and they need to use it and excersise it just like their regular muscles, if not it will shrivel up and go away...and that would be very sad because sometimes they like to pretend they work at a bakery and I let them have all sorts of real cookies and goodies and ooops, if they don't have an imagination anymore they would need to eat celery and carrots all the time.  Somehow that always snaps them out of their boredom.  But, back to the museum....if we go somewhere special I like to let them know it is a special event and I am happy to be there with them and to help them make a memory.  Also, when I take my children out into the world I make sure I keep an eye on them for the mere fact it is a crazy world and anything can happen in an instant.  Now, I am not super mom and if you have been reading my blog all along you know that I dropped out of the Mother of the Year race long ago and for the most part I think us moms should stick together and try to have the whole "we are all in this together" mantra...but there is one thing I can NOT stand...moms that ignore their kids while they have their face in their cell phone.  I see it all the time and it drives me nuts.  It was unbelievable at the museum...every single mom (minus one mom and one dad) in the ENTIRE museum were texting away.  Since I was actually paying attention to what was going on I witnessed a few interesting things...you may not all agree with the way I handled the situations but in my defense these parents really deserved the outcomes they got...

Situation #1.        In the pretend boat I noticed a little boy about 4 years old take off his shoe.  I saw him do it.  He started to walk away.  I told him that he should go get his shoe.  He looked at me like I were crazy.  Which, is good for a 4 year old...they should always look at a stranger that way.  I also saw his mom sitting in the corner texting away, never once looking up from the phone.  I know it was his mom (or caregiver) because besides Anna and I, they were the only other ones in the exhibit and they entered and exited together.  Since the mom never looked up and really didn't seem to care what her kid was doing I declined to mention to her that her son was sans shoe.  I saw them 15 minutes later a few exhibits down the hall and she finally noticed he lost his shoe.  Now I know I could have told her that his shoe was back in the boat but I didn't.  Maybe having to buy him a new pair of shoes will teach her to watch her kid a little better.  But then again, maybe not...she probably blamed it on the kid for being irresponsible and didn't take any ownership over shoegate...

Situation #2.     The next two situations happened in the water table room.  It is a big room with water tables shaped into rivers.  It is very cool and potentially very messy.  There was a boy about 3 years old playing with buckets of water.  He was filling them and emptying them, filling them and emptying them.  All the while he kept calling out to his mommy trying to get her to look at what he was doing.  She kept her face in her phone and would, "uh-huh" and "mmhhm" him over and over again.  She along with so many of the other parents would occassionally take a picture and then immediately text something.  I am sure they were posting it on Facebook or Instagram...putting some caption about their adventure.  I so wanted to hack into all their accounts and let the world know that yeah, they were techincially out with their child and yes, they were at this super cool place but in reality they were just checking status updates and totally ignoring thier kid.  I wanted to yell at them all, "Hey Jackasses, get out from behind your phone and be part of the memory you are posting about!"..soooo back to the little boy and the bucket of water...I am sure you can predict what happens next...after calling out to his mom over and over, he takes a bucket of water, hoists it up above his head and again, could I have stepped in and stopped him?  Yes.  Did I?  No.  Hey if she was so blantanly ignoring her kid she deserved to go home with a soaking wet kid.  Yes, I felt bad for the little boy and his dripping clothes but it was a pretty warm day.  Lesson learned lady...pay attention to your damn kid!!

Situation #3.   The last example also took place in the water room.  Now keep in mind there is only one way in and out and there is a museum staff person stationed there.  There was this pain in the ass kid who was a wicked spazz and all over the place.  Now if any parent needed to keep an eye on thier kid it was this one.  Once again the kid's mom was face down in her phone texting, playing a game or whatever the hell you do on them.  As you can probably tell I do not have a smart phone.  I actually think smart phones are making people dumb.  In my opinion society spends way too much time on them and people are forgetting how to have an actual face to face conversation.  If you are out enjoying society then enjoy it...really what are you texting anyway?  LOL?  IDK?  OMG?  is that more important than enjoying a memorable experience with your kid?  I want my kids to remember me having fun with them, playing with them. laughing with them...not shushing them away because I want to see George Takei's latest post.  I think there are 2 people that genuinely need to have their phone with them at all times.  The President and anyone waiting for a lifesaving organ transplant.  Case in point, I was hoping to have this post ready for Mother's Day but...one of my kids was sick and the other wanted to play Topple over and over again. I needed to be a mom and tend to the sick one and play with the little one.  But once again, I digress so...back to the water room at the museum...so this mom is totally ignoring her kid, he is all over the place, spilling water, being a total jerk of a kid and then he goes into the little book nook.  Mind you, it is still in the water room, just tucked in the corner and again, there is only one way in and out.  After about 3 minutes the mom finally notices that her son is no longer running, screaming and splashing water.  Then the panic sets in.  Now, maybe you will all think I am an A-hole, but, I didn't tell her where he was.  I knew he was safe and not truly missing but she deserved to have a minute or two of panic with the hope of maybe changing her parenting style to be one that focuses more on being a parent than being a social media junkie.  If her child went "missing" while she bent down to get something out of her bag or was tending to one of her other children I would have absolutely told her where he was.  I am not a total jackass.  Needless to say the spazzy kid did not stay in the book nook long and he made his presence known once again and of course the mom took no ownership of losing her child and blamed it all on him...

I am not saying I am the perfect parent.  I am not.  Not by a long shot.  Here is a recent comment I made on a Mother's Group...I think this pretty much sums up my parenting philosophy...

 Today at 8 a.m. my kids wanted snacks for their tea party, I gave them Oreo's. Even though my degree is in child development a standard answer around my house is "because I said so"...without a discussion of why. I don't buy organic, I think it is too expensive. I gave my 5 year old Coke the other day because she is desperate to be a teenager and that is what teens drink...she also likes to watch "The Middle"...I let her sometimes. I lie to my kids sometimes that the news says we have to stay in if I don't feel like taking them out to play in the snow. I sometimes take money out of their piggy banks to have change on hand when they "earn" it for doing chores. I don't let them win just because they are kids when we play a game. My anxious child overheard me say that I just want a normal kid . Am I the perfect parent? No...but none of us are.  

All that being said, Happy Mother's Day to all and to all a good night!!

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