Wednesday, June 13, 2012

I am the baddest mom in the whole world

It is true.  How do I know that I am actually the baddest?  For the past week both of my children have taken every opportunity to let me know.

Here are some examples of why I hold that new title...

The girls wanted a special snack the other day.  I gave them chocolate chips...that makes me the best one, right?  One would think, but NO!  I goofed up apparently.  For some reason my kids like to eat their snacks out of measuring cups.  Not sure where that came from but they do.  Well, simple math lets you know that there is only 1 big CUP.  So someone will get the cup and someone will get the 3/4 cup.  Today Anna was the quicker of the two and somehow I end up being the jerk.  Sara announces that I am the baddest mom ever because I ALWAYS give Anna the big cup.  I just walked way to win that argument.

Along the same lines the other day Anna wanted Oreo's at 8 am.  I told her no, that she needed to have a healthy snack or better yet breakfast.  She went into a tailspin...fake crying, walking with her shoulders slumped, her eyes half closed, rubbing her belly saying that she was "so hungly"...Sara came in to see what was going on.  Anna told her that I was the baddest mom in the world because I wouldn't give her food and she was so hungry.  Sara then tells me that I am mean, I need to give her food that is my "job".  I tried to explain that she could have food, just not Oreo's at 8 am.  I finally walked away when it hit me I was trying to rationalize and defend my parenting choices to a 2 and 4 year old.

Sara had her first dance recital on Sunday.  She did a great job.   When I went back to get her when she came off stage I had some tears streaming down her face. Nothing ridiculous, just a few tears and a huge smile.  I was so proud of her and how far she has come in the past year.  Well, my gross display of emotions were just too much.  I asked her what she thought of the show and she told me that it was supposed to be great but I ruined it because I was crying.  Obviously the work of the baddest mom in the world.

I was also told that I ruined her preschool graduation.  It was a lovely little ceremony.  She was front and center for the festivities and did a great job with the Pledge of Allegiance and the songs they sang.  Afterwards we all go out to the playground for a snack.  I ask Sara if she wants to go take a walk around.  She agreed.  Keep that in mind please!   Because on the way to Papa Gino's (for a little treat for lunch) she tells me that it was supposed to be a nice summer day but I ruined it.  When I asked her how I ruined it she told me that I made her do stuff she didn't want to.  Like what I asked?  I MADE her walk around!  That I was the baddest mom ever. 

The girls were brushing their teeth the other night.  Sara likes My Little Pony toothpaste and Anna is a fan of Thomas the Tank Engine.  I committed the ultimate faux pas and put Pinkie Pie Pony paste on Anna's brush.  She announces that brushing teeth is lame and that I was the baddest.

Chuck is not immune to being a horrible parent either.  He was called the baddest a few times this week.  If I am not in their cross hairs I don't really pay attention but I did hear both Anna and Sara declare several times this week that he was the baddest daddy in the world.  At least I am in good company.

One last example still has me laughing.  Sara was pissed at me last night.  I can't remember the actual reason why...maybe it was something about bedtime, or a show she wanted to watch but that detail is irrelevant.  She was so angry that she went to fling herself across my bed.  In doing so she did this wicked funny flip type thing.  Well I laughed.  She looked at me and started to smile because I believe she initially thought it was funny too.  Well, once she saw that I was laughing at her her rage went to a whole new level.  The screams and shrieks that were coming from her were audible to the local dogs.  That just added fuel to the flame and I could not stop laughing.  I was trying to tell her I was sorry for laughing at her but every time I opened my mouth to speak I would laugh even harder.  You know when one of these laughing fits hits you there is NOTHING you can do to stop it.  I was trying to keep quiet and keep my mouth shut, but that was worse because I was laughing on the inside and my whole body was shaking.  The scene was getting out of hand and Chuck pops his head in to see what the commotion was all about.  Sara was screeching and I couldn't form a sentence without bursting out in uncontrolled laughter.  He gave up trying to figure out what was up and just went downstairs to exercise.  I am still laughing about it 12 hours later.  I guess I will give her the point on this one...that was a bad mommy moment....but sometimes you just have to laugh at the absurdity of what your life becomes when you have kids.  And laugh and laugh and laugh...

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