Vacation...

That one glorious week that you work so hard all year for.  For me it conjures up memories of summer days with my dear friends in Spain, train rides through Europe exploring new cities, eating delicious food or lounging under palm trees on my honeymoon.  That was before I had children.  Now vacation consists of amusement park train rides, mediocre family style restaurants and there is no lounging to be done.  Let me present you with our New Hampshire family vacation 2012...

The Drive:  According to GPS it will take us just under 3 hours to get from our house to Storyland.  That means 3 hours of family togetherness in very close quarters.  Yes, I know, we have a minivan so we should have plenty of room for the 4 of us.  But...taking a 2 and 4 year old away for any length of time requires an unimaginable amount of crap.  Every year it amazes me how quickly the car fills up.  We are literally taking the sh*t show on the road.  So the car is all packed and we are ready to go.  15 minutes EARLY!!!!  Unheard of.  So...in an effort to make the 3 hour ride a bit more pleasant I make a fun scavenger hunt for the kids.  I make a cool looking checklist (colored pictures and all) clip them to clipboards and tie a pen on each clipboard with a pretty ribbon.  That way when (yes, I said when and not if because it is a given) they drop their pen they can just pull it back up by the string.  I am thinking this is going to keep them busy for a good chunk of the trip.  I am a bit old fashioned in my parenting approach...I am not giving in to social pressure and getting them TV's for the car.  I want them to be able to engage in family conversations, be able to entertain themselves and not have to rely on TV to keep them happy...they are only 2 and 4...they have all of their adult life to sit in front of the TV.  Anyway, like I said, I am thinking that this scavenger hunt will keep them busy for a while.  We had not even pulled out of the driveway when Anna gleefully announces that she is done.  I ask her if she really found everything on her list.  She full on looks me in the eye and lies.  I ask if she found a motorcycle...yep...a red car...yep...Ok, we live on a busy street, maybe she did see those ones, but come on Anna, a deer?  a covered wooden bridge?  Storyland?  She stuck with her story and insisted she saw all of these things in the first 30 seconds of our trip.  The game did keep Sara busy for a while.  Anna dropped her pen about a dozen times.  Each time I had to remind her how to pull the ribbon to get the pen back.  Sara asked why I put them on strings.  I tell her I did it to make it easier for me...so I wouldn't have to keep turning around and getting it for them.  Sara asks me completely straight faced, "did that work out for you?"...About 2.5 miles into the trip Chuck stops at an ATM...and that is when it happens...Are we there yet?...only 2 hours and 55 minutes to go...

The drive home started off the same.  Hadn't even pulled out of the condo complex when they were already asking for snacks and when we would be home.  All in all they were really good on both legs of the trip.  I was actually quite impressed with them.

The Bear:   So we pull into the condo complex and get out of the car.  Another family comes over, tells us there is a bear 2 rows down and they show us a picture.  We pack the girls back in the car and head right over to see it.  Now, if I could have 1 vacation do-over, this would be it.  Honestly, I have met Sara before and I know that she is an anxious child.  What the hell was I thinking bringing her to see a live, wild bear?  Really, did I think this would end well?  Why on earth did I think this was a good idea.  Sooooo...we head over the parking lot of the other row of condos and we don't see anything.  Then all of a sudden we see a HUGE bear head peek out at us from the dumpster.  The bear then comes all the way out.  It is enormous.  It looks at us for a minute and then continues to dumpster dive.  Nature at it's finest.  I wondered out loud what the poor bear's cholesterol level was.  Aren't they supposed to eat nuts and berries?  Here it is eating leftover vacation food.  I know what we brought... totally hedonistic crap for us and I am pretty sure most people bring a ton of junk while on vacation so this bear must have some clogged arteries in there.  So while I was contemplating the health of the bear Sara is terrified that we are going to be eaten by the bear.  Anna, ever the daredevil  tells Sara it is ok, we are in the car.  We come to our senses and decide to stop terrorizing Sara and head back home.  But of course that is not the end of the bear...

The entire rest of the trip Sara kept asking about the bear and was constantly scanning for it while we were out.  I have to admit after seeing it so close to people Chuck and I were constantly scanning for it too. Some of our outings were deep in the woods, these were deep, thick forests that were prime bear habitats.  It was nerve-wracking to say the least.   The first night Sara was scared the bear could get in the house so she wanted to sleep with me.   That last about 5 minutes when she asked me what I would do if it did come into the house.  I guess she didn't like my answer because for the first time ever she asked if she could sleep with Chuck.  I guess daddies are better bear wranglers than moms...

Sleeping Arrangements:  So as any of you with children know, family vacations are not romantic.  The condo we stayed at sleeps 8 comfortably.  There is one bedroom with 2 full size beds,  a pull out couch and a king sized bed.  We were hoping the girls would sleep in the room with the 2 beds.  No such luck.  The first night Chuck and Sara were in one of the full sized beds warding off bears.  Anna and I were up in the king bed.  I don't spend much time with Anna at night.  She has always gone to bed pretty much on her own and stayed there until morning.  I check in on her before I go to bed but that is just a quick peek in.  Well....thank God she is a good sleeper on her own because she is a disaster to sleep with!!  She is only 36 inches tall and about 30 pounds but she was all over that bed.  She grinds her teeth and snores!  She is going to be a great catch someday!!  Needless to say Chuck and I did not get much sleep that night.

The next night wasn't any better.  All 3 of the Lavallee ladies started off in the king bed.  It was enormous but lets just say we were "efficient" and only took about about 18 inches of the bed.  They could not get any closer to me if they tried.  I am their true north.  I think when I had the hole in my heart patched up 37 years ago they may have mistakenly filled it was a magnetic substance because these girls have an unnatural attraction to me.  Kind of like you know those name badge holders?  You pull it and it snaps right back.  Something like that.  They snap right back to me.  I swear that if Sara could she would climb back into my womb every night.  Anna finally gave up and went to sleep downstairs with Chuck.  Sara was in her glory.  The last night was probably the worst.  Sara and I were down in the full bed together.  With the sheets, blankets AND bedspread on.  We needed all 3 on because she was afraid the bear would see her if she wasn't covered up in the blanket.  I get that logic.  I know I used to do that.  Especially when I lived alone.  I would cover myself up all the way with the blanket...of course if an intruder came in they would pass right by the lump on the bed.  If I could outsmart an murderer that way surely Sara could outsmart a bear from under the covers.  Fortunately for us Sara was right.  We may have been sweltering under the cover but we weren't killed by a bear.


Romance?:  So, just because Chuck and I were sleeping on separate floors doesn't mean there wasn't any action on vacation.  Oh no my friends there was!  On 3 different occasions while I was using a public restroom (twice at Storyland and once at the beach) Sara opened the door on me in essence giving everyone around a free show.  Not to be outdone Anna also got in on the action.  I was holding her in the pool, she was hanging onto me for dear life.  In her terror she grabbed onto my bathing suit strap, pulling it all the way down causing me to flash everyone in the pool.  As luck would have it the pool was filled with all the dads at that exact moment.   Chuck was nowhere in sight so these strangers got more action than my poor husband.

On a not really related note but something that you all might find as curious as I did...there is a hot tub in the condo.  It is in the upstairs bathroom.  That side of the bathroom is all windows which is fine....it has shades that you can shut if want privacy.  You also need to shut them when you are just in there to use the bathroom.  However, the shades are located on the outside of the bathroom.  Soooo...if one is in the bathroom someone on the outside can open the shades and peek in.  It only took Anna about 2 minutes to figure this out.  So every time I was in the bathroom the shades would immediately fly up and Anna would say "Hi Mom!!".  Not quite sure who designed that feature but note to self...if I were to install a hot tub in my house remember to put the shades on the INSIDE of the bathroom.

Vacation Activities:

           Story Land:  Sara has been dying to go back there since her first trip last year.  It was so fun to see the excitement in their eyes when we walked in.  There are about 14 rides in the park.  We went on about 7.  Sara is a little nervous and Anna does whatever Sara does.  If we rode the tractors once we rode them 100 times.  Round and round we went.  They could not get enough of them.  Here is the thing.  There was no line, at all.  Yet, they made us get off each time, go through the metal maze of germs (why do all kids need to climb, hang and lick those metal line dividers) and get back on.  Really? They couldn't just let us ride straight through?  And every time the teen ride operator went through the whole safety speech.  I think we got it committed to memory after the first 20 times we rode...

Just my luck we decide to go to Story Land when it is 100 degrees out.  But it was a family vacation, not just about me so I did not complain about the heat.  At least not out loud.  There was a new ride this year.  It is a boat that has guns you use to spray the crowd as you ride by.  There are also water guns for passersby to shoot the people on the boats.  These are not just little water guns...these are CANNONS!!!  You get soaked!!!  For Chuck and I it was heaven.  It really made the heat tolerable.  Let's just say they girls are lucky they survived that ride with both eyes...these guns were high powered and people were out for blood!!!  They cried almost the whole ride...I tried to convince them to go on again the next day but no such luck.  Chuck and I just had to sweat it out.

Last year when we went no one would go on the flying fish ride with me.  It was the only one I REALLY wanted to go on. I have been talking it up all year finally talking Sara into riding it with me.  So off we go.  It is pretty mild at first.  We were both laughing and having a good time.  Well, the speed picked up and the wind was whipping the fish all around.  I loved it!!!  Sara was PISSED at me.  She glared at me the whole time.  Getting angrier and angrier the more I laughed and smiled.  I knew she hated it and I could have given the "thumbs down" and they would have stopped the ride for her to get off.  I thought about it for a second and for the first time in 4.5 years I put my comfort, enjoyment and well being ahead of my children's.  I kept hooting and hollering, smiling and laughing until the bitter end.  Sara went on and on how it was the worst ride and how I ruined her day by making her go on that bad ride.  I just ignored her and relived my 4 minutes of glory over and over as she complained.  It was so worth it!!

        The Beach:  So if you have been following my blog you know that I am not a fan of the summer, therefore, I am not a fan of the beach.  However, that being said I do want to create memories for my children and unfortunately for me kids love beaches and they do make great memories there.  So off to the beach we went.  It was a lake beach in the middle of the woods so it was pretty tolerable for me.  There was shade and no horsefly's so it was doable.  We set up our spot and the kids went off to play in the water, collecting tadpoles and frogs.  Mommy sat down under the umbrella with the 3rd installment of 50 Shades of Grey.  At first I felt like I should try to hide it.  But I looked around, and saw that all the moms there had children under the age of 10. I am sure they all have read the book too.   They are just as much a desperate housewife as I am. 

The beach was located deep in the woods.  I am not going to lie I kept looking for escape routes in case the bear came after us.  Chuck confessed he was doing the same thing when he took the girls for a walk...

After the beach we went to check out some waterfalls.  It was a short hike in the woods until we got to the falls.  It was so beautiful but kind of scary at the same time.  It was the perfect spot for a bear attack or a serial killer.  Wonder where Sara gets her irrational fears from?  So we are in this dense forest with a million trees, rocks etc.  Sara spots this tiny (less than than a fingertip long) grey inchworm on this enormous tree.  This is the same girl that pokes herself in the eye everyday, yet, she can spot the tiniest little bug.  Go figure.  Again, it is 100 degrees and we are hiking in the humid forest.  Sara gets a stomach ache so I get to give her a piggy back the whole way back.  Yay me!!!  I wasn't hot enough, I needed 36 pounds of preschool heat clinging to my back.  The things we do for our kids....

   The Pool:  Chuck hates public pools so lucky me, I get pool duty.  I do tend to agree with Chuck in thinking that public pools are just a warm stew of human grossness.  But Sara LOVES going in.  She finally was able to trust me enough to let go and see that she will float with her swimmies.  It was so cool to see her smile, relax and have a good time.  She was making up funny little water dance routines it was worth me stewing in others secretions, getting accosted from an annoying little brat (really, his mom did not notice him underwater grabbing at my feet the whole time?  Oh, right, she was too busy playing on her phone...It took all of my will power not to kick the little sh*t's face as he dove under to grab my ankle...later the kid was sitting in a chair next to his mom playing a video game as she sat there on her phone, no conversation, no interaction at all..no wonder her kid has no social graces....see?  That is why I refuse to let my kids play video games and watch TV all day....if not they will not know how to be contributing members of society or know how to act appropriately in civilization...but I digress...) to see Sara filled with pride and complete happiness.  That was my favorite part of our vacation.  She loved the pool so much we went for a quick swim in the indoor pool the morning we were leaving.  I believe that I may have contracted some GI illness on this last little dip in the human soup.  Since we arrived home my body has been "purging" all of its contents...just for good measure it is also "purging" food that I am contemplating eating next week too.  I guess a little Giardia is a mere inconvenience in memory making for the girls.

The girls also had a blast going on pony rides, making smores (like Chuck said, you know what this 100 degree day needs?  a fire to toast smores) and going for a rowboat ride with daddy.  Thankfully Anna corrected Chuck's technique and showed him how to do it.

About 10 minutes  before we arrived home Anna got really sad and said that she didn't want vacation to be all done.  Chuck reminded her with the best line from vacation that she is 2...that her life is a vacation.  Though there were a few hiccups along the way I would not have changed anything (well, maybe flashing the pool)...my European vacations were fun and hopefully in a few years when the girls are a little older we can travel to Spain and visit with my friends but until then I will treasure our little family vacations and all the memories we are making!!