Tuesday, July 3, 2012

It's all MY fault

It is!!  Every misfortune that befalls my children is MY fault. They remind me of it all the time.  Here are some recent examples of how I have ruined their lives....

Situation:  Anna's chocolate chips were not sufficiently mixed throughout her waffle.  She blames me.

Reality:  I asked Anna if she wanted me to sprinkle chocolate chips on her waffle.  (I offered since every time she clumps them up in one spot and gets mad)  She said no, she wanted to do it.  I showed her how to sprinkle them around to avoid the clump.  She says OK and dumps them right in the middle.  Since the waffle and syrup are warm they melt and clump.  She gets pissed.  "Mom, you did it because you made me put the chocolate chips on".

Situation:  Anna got bubbles in her mouth while playing in the tub.  Sara blames me.

Reality:  The girls were playing in the tub.  They don't like me in there with them anymore.  I guess I cramp their style.  So I was hanging out in my room (which is right next to the bathroom) and Anna starts crying and making some weird noise.  She had bubbles in her mouth (from putting HER fingers in HER mouth).  I clean out the bubbles and remind her not to put her fingers in her mouth or she will get bubbles in her mouth again.  Sara tells me that it was my fault because I didn't get the bubbles off her hands before she put them in her mouth.  Huh?

Situation:  Sara was running around the house and tripped on one of her toys that she left on the floor.  Of course it was MY fault.

Reality:  I had cleaned the kitchen, my bedroom and bathroom.  I also cleaned the living room but asked the girls the clean up their toys.  I was not going to do it for them.  OK, OK MUUUUM, we will clean it.  That is the rhetoric I got from them.  So I go about my business until Sara falls that is.  She is crying and carrying on.  When she calms down enough to be understood she is yelling at me for not moving her toys out of the way until they had time to clean them.

Situation:  Sara got stung by a bee.  Kind of a no fault incident one would think...

Reality:  For once this one wasn't my fault.  It was Chuck and her cousin Ceara's fault. (Finally, I am off the hook for something)  Sara told me that she kept telling Chuck and Ceara that she was going to get stung by a bee but they didn't listen.  Sure enough, she was stung so it must be their fault.  Maybe if she thinks hard enough that we are going to win the lottery we will.  Oh the Magical thinking stage...

Situation:  Lucy (the cat) woke up and climbed off Sara's bed and I am to blame.

Reality:  Sara went to be late, then consequently she slept late.  Lucy sleeps from 8 pm to 8 am.  Sara slept in.  Lucy got up at her regular time and went about her day.  Sara screams for me to come into her room.  I go in expecting to find some catastrophe...I should have known better...Sara was pissed at me because Lucy was not in bed with her when she woke up.  I told her she slept late and that is why Lucy was already out of bed.  Not good enough.  My fault...she told me I should have woken her up before Lucy got up so they could wake up together.

Situation:  The girls could not go on a ride.  I am then dubbed the worst mommy ever.

Reality:  We went to a store the other day that had an unexpected quarter-powered ride.  If we go to Market Basket I make sure I have quarters and the girls get to ride if they behave.  I had no quarters since I DIDN"T KNOW there was going to be a ride.  Anna was so mad at me...telling me that I should have brought quarters...that I did know there was a ride...that I was mean.  Then the whole walk from Babies R Us to Target she sang "The Worst Mommy Ever" song.  If you are familiar with Sponge Bob it is the same tune as "Best day Ever".

Through out my blog it has been well documented that I ruined Sara's preschool graduation, her dance recital and her Story Land visit...the list goes on and on and on.  If what they say about perception being reality is true then I am single handedly to blame for their awful childhoods...I guess I should archive this blog and save it for the therapists they will inevitably need to visit during their adolescents.

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