Friday, September 28, 2012

The poop stops here!!

Or at least I hope it does!!  So if you have been following my blog you know that Sara has some GI issues and that from time to time it flares up.  Well it is that time again!  Yay!! (please read "Yay"  in a soft, faux excited voice while raising your arms in mock triumph)...there is nothing joyful about it. 

As luck would have it, I hit the sh*tpot!!  I guess a truly lucky person would win the lottery on their days off.  They win the jackpot.  My luck is such that these "cleanouts" ALWAYS happen on my days off.  Not Chuck's...hence the sh*tpot!!  That my friends is my prize to claim.

So this is about the 3rd flare up in only a few months time.  I know the drill by now but it never gets easier.  So I batten down the hatches and get ready to deal with the crap...both literally and figuratively.  I know better than trying to venture out into society so I get to stay home for 48 hours straight.  My version of hell on earth.  So I start pumping Sarita with her meds and wait...and wait...and the meantime she fells like crap (pun intended) so she takes it out on me, Anna on occasion, but mostly me.  I can handle it..I ignore all the insults (you are the worst mommy ever, you don't let us do anything fun, you are boring, you have a pimple under your nose), I fill the tub.  I empty the tub.  I bleach out the tub.  5 times on Wednesday alone.  I lost count how many times in total.  I even cleaned poop off the bathroom wall...don't ask!!!

As if this weren't enough Anna decides to get in on the action.  I think in the grand scheme of things she felt left out so the bugger starts having accidents of her own.  Isn't it usually the older child that regresses?  Nope, not here...the 2 year old decides to join in.  So now I am cleaning up poop AND pee accidents.  At least Sara is taking care of business in the bathroom.  Anna pees where ever she happens to be...on the carpet, in her room, under the table.  It is like I have a flippin puppy.  How one child can have that much urine inside of her is the 8th Wonder of the World.  I ran out of undies for them.  I had to have gone through 27 pairs that day.  I would not give in.  Anna was NOT going back in diapers.  I was going to outlast her.  Perseverance paid off for me (or she became dehydrated and  had no pee left) because she finally stayed dry for a 2 hour span.    Later she comes to me and tells me that there was something in her pants.  Sure enough, I could see something underneath her pant leg.  I think it is a little Squinkie toy and reach up and pull it out.  IT WAS POOP!!!  How did she not know she had poop floating around in her pant leg?  Then she has the audacity to yell at me and tell me I am gross for touching poop!!  Are you Serious?  She is the uncivilized one who craps herself and she has the gall to call me out...I wanted to throw my hands up, get in my car and clear my head.  But, unfortunately I could not...not because they are minors and legally I am obligated to provide supervision...not because Sara was sick, taking medication and needed to be monitored for adverse reactions...and not because I could not in good conscience ask someone to babysit them knowing full well the sh*t show they would my friends, there is a much darker reason...

 We had a big bottle of prune juice in the fridge.  Sara's doctor recommended it last time she was having issues.  He said it was a gentle way of getting things done.  Sara took one look of the color and refused to even try it. I refuse to waste food.  It is one of my biggest pet peeves.  I was also desperate.  It was the day before grocery shopping and I was out of my Crystal light.  I am not a water drinker.  Too boring.  So I poured myself a large glass (about 16 ounces) of the prune juice.  It was really good.  Later that afternoon I was thirsty again.  I had another 16 ounce glass of it...
Gentle my ass!!!

Upon further research turns out prune juice should only be taken in moderation.  4 ounces TOPS!!  I had 32 ounces in less than an 8 hour span. Needless to say I was in no condition to leave the house that afternoon either...It was a crappy 2 days off...again, pun intended.   

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