Sorry I haven't posted anything for a while. I have been tending to my children, which, according to them I suck at. Yep, nothing like a two year old to make you feel like a complete failure as a mother. The other day I was picking up the house before work. Yeah, I know, imagine that..my house needed to be picked up again, shocking. Anna comes in the kitchen and asks me to play Barbies with her. I told her I needed to pick up the kitchen and then get ready for work. She says to me, "that is too long to wait...all you do is clean the house and go to work." UGH!!! She cut straight to the heart.
Now logically I know that is not true. Yes, I like to keep my house neat and organized but I am not a fanatic about it. It is a small house, I am home way too much and if it is messy it gets claustrophobic so I like everything in its place. I try to get it all done by 10 a.m. so I have the rest of the day free. As for work, I only work 20 hours a week. I am home with them every morning. I have lunch with them 5 out of 7 days, dinner 4 out of the 7 and I am home to put them to bed every night. I do play with them everyday, read stories, do crafts and generally fulfill the job description that comes along with being a mom...and then some. Chuck is with them 2 of the days I work and the third they are with their grandmother...they are not languishing in some dark, dank dungeon somewhere.
Emotionally though she killed me. Being a mom is hard, you never feel like you are doing it right. Being a working mom brings about a ton of guilt. Sara recently realized that some of her friends mom's don't work. She brings that up when I am getting ready to go. How come you have to work, why doesn't so and so's mom have to? Now, even if financially I did not have to work I probably still would. I give a ton of credit to full time stay at home mom's...that is probably the most grueling job out there. But it isn't for me. I would go nuts. I think that I am a better mom for working. It makes the time I am with them more valuable and it gives me an outlet. Plus, I love what I do. I let the girls know that I love going to work that it is something that is important to me and it makes me happy. But, no matter what...it is hard to balance it all. I always feel like something has to give. That I can never give 100% to either place. I am very fortunate that I am able to work part time and spend so much time with me girls. But perception is reality. Anna does not think I spend enough time playing with her. I could play animals with her for 10 hours straight and it wouldn't be enough in her mind. But this is her reality and I don't want her to look back on her childhood and remember me washing the dishes...
So I dropped what I was doing and played Barbies with her for 2 hours. Got ready for work and went on with my day. That night when I was putting Sara to bed she asked what we were doing the next day...she had school and a play-date. She said she just wanted a day to stay home with me and Anna in our pajamas all day. So morning comes, it is a monsoon out and Sara is having some GI issues. I teach them a new expression "playing hookie". I tell that that we will have one special day where it will be all fun, all day. But, that it was just for that day. Tomorrow back to reality. They agree. We stay home, cancel all our plans and just hang out and play. I am with them the majority of the time so I always have to be the disciplinarian, the one to make sure they are eating healthy, setting limits and following through, making sure what they are watching on TV is age appropriate. For once I want to be the one that gets to be the "friend" the buddy that lets them do what they want, when they want. I decide to be the "fun mom". They had ice cream for breakfast, crafts, trampoline, saying yes to whatever they wanted to play. It was so easy to be the fun mom. We all had a great day.
Well, the next day comes and boy do I pay for it. Anna has her first breakfast at about 6:30 am. A respectable waffle. Well, then she asks for a roll (tootsie roll)...I tell her that she can have one after lunch. It was too early for candy. She hunches her shoulders forward, closes her eyes to half mast and declares..."I am so hunglee...I need a roll...I am just too hunglee" I list other choices (apple, yogurt, cheese stick) and she says "I don't want anything yucky...I am so hunglee for a roll and nothing stupid"...the rest of the day kind of went on like that. 1:30 could not come fast enough. I was counting down the minutes until I could go to work. Of course now Sara is full on into her GI issues so she is screaming at me about every 2 minutes. Like clockwork it resolves about an hour before Chuck comes home so she gets a spring in her step and is as pleasant as can be for him. Lovely.
So today is kind of like my mother's day since I have to work tomorrow. Yesterday Chuck tells me he is going to take Sara to dance in the morning so I get to sleep in. Thanks Babe!!! I stay up late catching up on all my DVR shows. Of course I end up taking Sara to dance class. Apparently Chuck embarrasses her when he takes her (that is according to Sara)...and Anna tags along for good measure. Now we (me and the girls) are off to a birthday party and a dance recital while Chuck has the day to himself. Back on the balance beam...Happy Mother's Day to me!!!
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