Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Cougar, really? More like a skunk...

Have you ever noticed that people are often referred to as animals?  My little chickadee, love-bug, what a fox, puppy love, as big as a cow, ate like a pig, hungry as a horse...the list goes on and on.  Well somehow now the term cougar has come along.  I realized yesterday I am not a cougar.  I am a skunk....

Yesterday started off like a normal day...got the kids up and ready for the day.  Unlike a "typical" normal day I actually got Sara to school on time  BEFORE the doors closed.  I had 2 1/2 hours before I had to pick her up from preschool.  I have a wedding and two other events coming up.  I need a dress for the wedding and an outfit for the events.  I decided to go shopping.  Nothing like clothes shopping to ruin your day.

The only store open yet is Khol's.  In my head I am still 25 so I head to the Lauren Conrad section.  Nothing in my size.  OK, it is a big store I think they will have something for me...Then something shiny catches my eye and I turn around.  It is the J-LO section!  So much glitter and sparkle.  I look through and pick out a dress and some other things to try on.  I  head for the dressing room with Anna in tow.  The first few were duds...I am holding out hope for the J-Lo dress.  It is so hip and trendy and really matches my 25 year old ideal.  Just as I was leaning over to pull it on Anna starts to rub my butt..."Mommy your bum is so soft....mommy your belly is really soft too"...I am starting to worry that the dress may be out of my league.  On a side not I would like to thank the other women in the dressing room for not laughing at the stream of consciousness coming from Anna.  If the tables were turned not sure I would have been so generous...Back to the story...I would like to say I "slipped" the J-Lo dress on but there was much more tugging, pulling and tucking involved than actual "slipping".  There is not a Spanx strong enough to pull this look off.  As I looked at myself in the mirror the ugly truth hit me...I am not 25 anymore.  I haven't been in 14 years.  It was time to move out of the Junior's section and face up to reality.  I put everything back and headed to the other side of the store.  The Croft and Barrow section!  I looked and looked but everything looked to "old" to me and I just couldn't do it.  I was starting to get overwhelmed so I headed out of the store before I bought a sweatshirt with applique on it just to have something to bring home. 

We got in the car and started to head home and I thought I would try another store.  It is known for having trendy clothes for older, softer women.  It was starting to sink in that I am 39 and I need to start acting the part.  I drove by a couple of times before biting the bullet and  heading in.  I tired a couple of dresses on and wasn't impressed.  The salesgirl came back with some other choices.  They were great!!!  Trendy tops that actually fit without revealing too much!  I ended up getting a couple of things.  I could be trendy and hip while being age-appropriate.  I got the sparkle I wanted without looking like I was trying to hard.  My spirits started to lift again.  It was short lived.

So I had a work type function last night.  Since I have 2 children I don't get out much and this was sadly going to be my social outing for the week.  I got all ready for it...maybe a little too much eye makeup than the situation called for, had my "jeggings" on with my tall, super cute and totally uncomfortable black boots.  I looked good...or did I?  I re-evaluated my look and saw a middle aged, suburban mom trying a bit too hard.  I changed my pants, put on practical, comfortable shoes and wiped some of the make up off.  I was coming to terms with my age.  Again, short lived.

After the event I come home, get my PJ's on and head into the bathroom to wash my face.  I look in the mirror and see something shiny on top of my head.  I think it is probably just some glitter left over from the J-Lo dress I tried on.  NOPE!!!! It was a patch of about 30 white hairs!!! I panicked...how long had they been there?  Had people seen them?  Are there more patches in the back that I can't see?  I could not get the tweezers out fast enough.  I pulled every last one of those suckers out.  Now I have a bald patch on the top of my head.  I was so disturbed I woke Chuck up to tell him...

I had a hard time falling asleep.  It hit me...I am not the cougar I thought I was in my head...I am a skunk.

PS- I still don't have a dress for the wedding...I have to venture out on another shopping trip...UGH!!

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