Thursday, March 8, 2012

The day I became a mini van mom...

The day started off like any other day...I had no idea my life and everything I had ever believed in was about to change forever.  We decided to go car shopping.  No big deal I thought.  I have never really been into cars, I am not a car snob.  I just need something practical to get me safely from one place to another.

We headed out to the dealership.  We were going to look at a Honda Pilot.  The girls were getting bigger and the back of the CR-V was tight with their car seats.  Plus, I was hoping for something with a third row so we could bring friends with us if we ever made some out here.

The Pilot was nice but I have to admit it did feel like I was driving a truck.  Plus there was not really much storage for the kids things and the third row was more like jump seats and if you were taller than 4 feet you would not fit comfortably. Oh, and, it was out of our price range.  Oh well, we tried.  Time to move on.  Right?  Chuck, the dealer and I were all shuffling around nervously.  No one wanted to be the first to bring up the elephant in the room...THE  ODYSSEY...Honda's Minivan.  I am not sure who brought it up is all a blur to me know in the movie the Bodyguard when Kevin Costner sees the red laser light, dives across the stage to save Whitney Houston in extreme slow motion while yelling "no" in that long, warbled, drawn out voice?  It was something like that. 

A few hours later we were pulling out of the dealership in our brand new Odyssey.  The salesman ( a young, handsome, single guy) kept saying things like the Odyssey is a cool mini van.  If he could afford it he would buy one too.  Yeah, right! He knew it was lame and I am sure it is a game all the salespeople play.  Kind of like a drinking game...every time you hear another salesperson try to make the minivan sound cool you take a swig.  I am sure they were all tanked by the time he was done with us.

So a day or two later we were driving around with the girls sleeping in the back. We got pulled over.  We hadn't had it registered judgements, legally we had 10 days.  It was a young officer.  Of course I didn't have the proper paperwork with me so he had no way of knowing if we were in the car legally or if we had stolen it.  I asked him "really? really think we would steal a minivan?  with two sleeping preschoolers in the back?  Honestly, you should feel bad for us..."  He let us go with a warning as he walked away laughing.

A few weeks after that I went shopping, parked my van in the lot like normal.  I came out and to my horror noticed a huge key mark down the side.  I wanted to cry...was I starting to bond with my van?...Like one of my friends said, "who the f*ck would key a mini van?"  I know, right?  You would think they would feel bad for me for having to drive it in first place and just let it be.  Well, I went into minivan mom mode.  I called Target and asked them to review their security tapes (I watch Nancy Grace, I know Target is loaded with cameras...if they could see what brand of beer Casey Anthony bought they should be able to see who keyed my car)...they said they would look into it, sadly they never called me back.  Believe it or not that was a much better response I got than the one from the local Police.  They said there was nothing they could do...they wouldn't even take a report.  Really?  In my mind this was a crime against humanity...or at least a hate crime.  Nope.  Apparently mini van moms are not a protected class.  Go figure.  10 months later Sara still asks why someone would scrape our car.  I have no answer for her.  I think it is a cold case that will sadly never be solved but I would love to delve into the psyche of what type of person would commit such a heinous crime.  I bet as a child the person killed puppies and pulled wings off of flies...

I am just going to put it out drives like a dream and is great for getting the kids in and out.  I am not going to lie it is awesome and I do love it.  It is just a bit harder coming to terms with what it represents.  I am starting coming to grips with the fact I am at this new stage of my life...the minivan stage.  I swore that would never be me...I was always going to be the cool, hip mom but practically now rules my world.  The other day when I was driving by a glass storefront and caught a glimpse of myself in the drivers seat for the first time since I got the keys I didn't shudder and feel bad.  I felt empowered.  I AM a minivan mom!  Hear me roar!! 

PS- I did immediately then start daydreaming about what kind of sporty car I am going to get myself once the girls are older.

This blog was written as I sat in the Honda dealership yesterday getting an upgrade to the van.  As I was walking out I saw a young couple with two kids looking at the Pilot...any bets they end up driving out in a min van?  I did think I saw the sales crew teeing up the shot glasses.  Cheers young, naive couple.  CHEERS!!!

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