Confessions of a mini van mom

So I am a huge fan of the Wendy Williams Show.  How you doin?  She is a friend in my head.  Well, last week she had celebrity confessions and every guest had to confess a secret.  In that vain here are some of my mommy confessions...

*  I do not brush my kids teeth...the thought of it makes me gag.  They do it themselves.  I do flat out lie to the dentist and tell her that I am helping them.

*  Sometimes it takes me a few minutes to remember the last time I washed my kids hair.  They take baths all the time but we skip the hair washing...a lot.

*  If they leave the room and one of their shows are on I fast forward it a little.  I hate kids shows.

*  Before Anna could talk I used to blame things on her...like if Sara found one of her crappy McDonald toys or pictures in the trash I would tell her Anna must have put it in there.

*  I pulled all the shades down on a snow day so they wouldn't notice.  When they did finally see the snow and asked to go outside I told them the people on the news said it was against the law to go out and play that day, that everyone had to stay inside.  That was a lie.  I was too lazy to get them dressed in their snow clothes.

*  This is a wife confession, not a mommy one.  I think Chuck and I have a very open and honest communication style.  However, that was not always the case.  Shortly before we were married I deceived him.  I was trying to get in shape for my wedding dress and I was working out at Curves after work.   I had told Chuck to stay on top of me and make sure I was following through.  One night after work I really did not feel like going.  So instead of going home and owning up to my laziness I drove my car behind a liquor store and changed into my gym clothes.  I took the long way home, blasted the heat and had my face right up to the vent.  By the time I did get home I looked like I had a killer workout...sweaty, red face to prove it.  Chuck was none the wiser.  Several months after we got married I did come clean. 

*  In an effort of full disclosure the Curves incident may have happened on more than one occasion.